Just Friends
by alwaysyourflightlessbird
Summary: Bella and Edward meet at a summer job in a bookstore. Sparks fly but they find themselves settling into the "friend-zone". Bella has a dark past that seems only Edward can help her with, which make their lives, and feelings, infinitely more complicated.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Thanks to Nancy for reviewing for me, you are a lifesaver. **

**I do not own anything Twilight related, Stephanie Meyer does. The rest is just ideas from my pretty little head.  
**

**Prologue - EPOV**

It's funny how there many insignificant things that can change your life in an instant. Sometimes it can be an immediate change, and other times, you don't see the change until much, much later. One person could change your world, and you wouldn't even know it.

The day I met Bella, I didn't expect to meet the person who would change my life forever. It was just my first day of work, and I expected nothing from it. I especially didn't think it would be life changing, that my lame summer job would bring me anything fruitful other than a crappy salary that would allow me to pay my rent for the next four months.

But it gave me something infinitely precious that day.

It gave me Bella.

**Chapter 1: BPOV**

I woke up in a pool of my own sweat, screaming, again. It was the fifth night in a row my nightmares has shocked me awake, allowing me to never get more than a few hours of sleep, and it was wearing on me.

I rolled over onto my stomach groaning, pissed that I couldn't have a solid night's sleep before my early shift tomorrow, or I guess, today since it was now 4:30 AM.

It was stupid. I only feared my nightmares when I was in them, and shortly after I awoke from one, feelings of uneasiness and sadness that would stick around for hours. I never thought about it at other times, mostly because I tried not to think of _that_ at all, except of course, in my nightmares.

Well, not nightmares, because really, I have had the same one for the last twelve years. I have seen countless therapists, sleep specialists, psychologists, and any doctor that specializes in post-traumatic stress disorder. None of them really helped me at all, either giving me drugs that would make me groggy as hell and still not stop my nightmares, or bogus coping skills that really were no good to me. I eventually started lying to my therapists, telling them that I was getting better, that the nightmares had stopped, and soon, they believed me. I was good at acting like I was normal ; I had been doing it for years now.

In the back of my mind, I knew that because I never allowed myself to deal with what happened, that this was going to continue. I would always have the sleepless nights and nightmares, because dealing with it was far from what I wanted to do. I feared it would crush me, or worse, make me like _her. _

I shook my head, it would be no use to keep going down this road now, and forced myself to get up._ Oh well, might as well get an early start on the day. _I thought as I stiffly got out of bed to make coffee.

I went to my uber hardcore espresso machine and made myself a strong latte. My espresso machine was one of the best purchases I had ever made. It had been incredibly expensive, but when I calculated the cost between what I spend on various coffee drinks from Starbucks over the year, the cost was well worth it. It was also a plus that I didn't have to leave the comfort of my own apartment for a decent cup of coffee anymore.

I sat down at my kitchen island with my latte and stared at the patterns and sparkles in the black granite I had on my counter-tops, too tired to actually form any proper thoughts.

To the outside observer, my apartment didn't look like a student's apartment, especially a student's apartment in New York City. It had solid, but modern furniture, real hardwood, stainless steel appliances, and it was overall neat and uncluttered. The latter was because I was borderline obsessed with neatness, and the former, well, I didn't pay for any of it. My grandparents had paid for it all when I decided to get away from the confines of Forks, Washington, for the Big Apple, almost three years ago. I told them that they didn't need to do that, I could do the normal student thing and live in a dorm. But they insisted that they get a place for me, telling me since I was their only grandchild, they could spoil me a bit. I didn't want them to spoil me, but I conceded only when I said I would be paying my own way through school.

After living here awhile, I was grateful my grandparents did this. Some of my friends' places were downright scary, and I was pretty sure my friend Jasper had a family of rats living with him, the reason why I never went over there anymore.

After my caffeine fix had sunk in, I decided a shower was definitely needed, as I was covered in sweat from my nightmare. It would also kill some time before I had to be at work.

As I was undressing in the bathroom, I couldn't help but look at my reflection. I looked dreadful, the nights of little to no sleep were wearing on me. My wide brown eyes looked flat, almost lifeless, and I had deep circles around them. My hair was out of control because I tore at it in my sleep, and I looked thinner, my nightmares always made me lose my appetite. I frowned at myself, making my reflection look even sadder, and I turned quickly into the shower to get away from my reflection, ignoring the scars that were scattered across my back and ribs. The shower and make-up would help for the hair and face situation, but there were other markers that would always be on me. The markers that said I was broken. It was an uncomfortable thought.

My shower didn't take nearly as long as I hoped, and I took extra time to blow out my hair and do my make-up. I didn't usually wear much, just concealer to hide my dark circles and mascara, but today I decided to wear a bit of blush and lip-gloss, since I had the extra time anyway.

Once I made it out of the bathroom, it was still only 6:30 AM, two hours before I had to be at work. It was too early to call anyone to talk, and t.v. was usually crap at this time, so I decided to go and read my new copy of _Jane Eyre_. My old one having fallen to pieces sometime ago, and I got this new copy a few days ago with my 15% employee discount at Books and Things. It wasn't a glamorous job, and the pay was shit, but it least I got to spend my day around what I loved most, books.

I soon became enraptured in Jane's plight, and the hours passed quickly, and before I knew it, it was already 8:05. "Shit!" I called out. I would have to rush to work now if I wanted to be on time. I quickly ran to my bedroom and threw on my ugly as sin uniform and sneakers, shoving a granola bar in my mouth on the way out.

I had to run to the subway, just barely making my train, and I soon found myself plastered against all the other grumpy subway riders.

Today really looked like it was going to be a shitty day.

I was sitting in the employee break room at work, having already done my pre-open stock work and prep, trying to get a few restful minutes before I had to act all cheery for customers. That shit was seriously exhausting. Betty, one of the assistant managers, had told me that I had to train a new employee today, Edward something or other, so I was not too excited about that either. He was probably some retiree looking for extra golf cash by the sounds of his name. The old guys were the worst, no matter how much higher you were up in the ladder, or how much shit you knew, they always thought they knew better. They were a pain in the ass. The only upside was that they usually didn't last long, and we would get someone new in no time.

I heard the door open, and swirled to see Betty standing close to the door. Betty was a small, middle aged woman with dark skin and friendly eyes. She was one of the nicest people I knew, but she could kick your ass if she needed to. I liked her much more then Kate, that woman always looked like she a pole shoved up her ass. I giggled at the mental image.

"Hey Bella, your, er, trainee is here." Betty said, a little flustered. Odd. I had never Betty flustered before. She was the non-flustering type, but here, she was almost blushing.

"Thanks Betty." I said kindly, getting up from my chair. "Where is he?"

"I left him up front near the cash register."

"Okay, I'll go show him the ropes," I said, as I walked over to the door. Betty was beaming at me.

"What?" I asked, confused.

Her smile got bigger and her eyes wicked. "Oh, you'll see."

I frowned, and she laughed at me. What did she mean "you'll see"? I was seriously considering whether or not the woman had finally gone off the deep end.

I made my way up the aisle slowly, in no rush to get to the front of the store, since training middle aged employees were the bane of my existence. When I got closer to the front, I could see someone leaning against the counter. He looked tall and young from where I was, but I couldn't see him clearly yet.

When I finally got close enough to see him properly, I had to do a double take. He was tall and he was lanky, but in a good way, as I could see had a bit of muscle on his arms. He had this wild, thick bronze hair, and it looked like he had been running his hands through it. I couldn't fully see his face since he was still looking down, obviously not noticing my approach, but I could see he had a strong jaw, and pouty, red lips. This guy was young, and he was attractive.

_He can't be the new guy_, I thought, though he was obviously wearing a Books and Things uniform, and fuck, he even looked glorious in it. I called out his name, still questioning that the fine specimen in front of me was actually the right person.

"Edward?" He looked up at me then and I gasped. Now that I could see his whole face, I could see that he was much more attractive that I initially thought. His eyes were a deep blue, like the ocean, and framing his eyes were thick set of lashes. He looked like someone who just walked out of Romantic-era novel, save for the uniform, and my literary heart of mine did flip-flops. He would fit nicely as any of my tragic, romantic heroes.

"Yes?", he said after staring at me surprised. He blushed a bit, and I felt my eyes widen. This was unexpected since most of the attractive guys I had met were very comfortable in social situations; they were suave and in control. Edward though, seemed a bit bashful and uncertain with his surroundings. He ran his hands threw his hair, and I swooned at that movement. 

_Get yourself together woman! _I chastised myself, I shouldn't be thinking like that about a employee, especially one under me… _What a tantalizing thought, _my traitor thoughts rang out. I realized I still hadn't introduced myself, and I quickly pulled myself back together. I didn't need to sound like a swooning teenager right now.

"I'm Isabella Swan, most people call me Bella though," I said, reaching my hand out shake his. He moved to take mine, and when he did, electric sparks stung my hand where his hand touched mine. It wasn't painful, it was glorious actually, but it was a sensation I had never felt before, and I let go of his hand quickly, surprised at the connection.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance, Bella," he said formally, and I had to stop myself from laughing. _What era did this guy fall out of?_ I mused.

Since laughing was out, I raised my eyebrow at him, not really knowing how to respond to that.

"Uh, yes. Pleasure." I said, sounding very inarticulate. Edward blushed again, and for some unknown reason, I relaxed. He was so damn cute.

"Come on, I'll show you around." I motioned for him to follow me. I could hear him following close behind while I walked ahead, thrilled that he was close to me. I had the urge to know this beautiful boy, and something told me inside that doing that would be very stupid, but I ignored it.

When I took a peek behind me, I could see his eyes glancing down at my ass, and I smiled.

Maybe today wouldn't be half bad after all.

**EPOV**

_It is way too early for this shit,_ I thought, grumbling to myself. It was 8:30 AM on a Saturday, and here I was making my way through the grimy New York streets in search of coffee. I would NEVER be up this early in any other circumstances. Fuck, I even scheduled my classes so they would all fall after noon, but because I have a summer job to go to, I was up, and I was grumpy.

I spotted Starbucks in the near distance, and I nearly sprinted to its beautiful white and green logo. Thank God for Seattle based coffee conglomerates.

Of course, there was a huge line at the counter, and I folded my arms over my chest in frustration. _Should have just made coffee at the apartment, _I thought bitterly.

I was in a bad mood. Not only did I have to get up early, but I was starting a job ridiculously early that I knew I would hate. I had tried to get a "cool" job interning at some law firm, or pushing a mail cart at a non-profit, but apparently that was every other student's plan this summer, and I had received no calls for interviews. Therefore, I had to shake my dreams and take a job at a bookstore downtown for minimum wage.

See what three years at NYU will get you?

Don't get me wrong, I love books. I have piles stacked everywhere in my room, authors from the contemporary Stieg Larssonto the philosophy of Jean- Jacques Rousseau. I even have a whole wall dedicated to my books in my father's library back home. And if this job had been one of those cool, indie, used bookstores that were scattered around the city, I would be in a much better mood. Unfortunately for me, those places wouldn't hire me either, so I was now an employee of Books and Things, the largest bookstore chain in America. I was okay with getting my coffee from conglomerates, but not my books.

Don't judge me.

I frowned down at my uniform as I was getting closer to the head of the line. It was a black golf shirt that had "Books and Things" stitched in gold on the front pocket. What completed the outfit was a pair of khakis and black sneakers. And you better believe that shirt was tucked in with a belt. Jesus, I looked like my father when he went golfing with his doctor buddies.

While frowning at my uniform, I had finally moved up significantly in line, and I was almost at the front. I would soon be reunited with my sweet caffeine love.

When I got up to the counter, the girl at the cash register did a double take, gaping at me instead of asking for my order. I sighed. I was used to this reaction, people most likely recognized me from somewhere, and probably it was one of those high society gossip sites where my picture was plastered at various charities I had to go to with my parents.

Not only was my father Dr. Carlisle Cullen, heroic surgeon, and my mother revered in the interior decorating business, but my two siblings, Alice and Emmett, and I were adopted from the clutches of various foster homes and had flourished under Carlisle and Esme's care. That's how the papers described us anyway. The real story was far less romantic. We were normal, nothing extraordinary. I loved my parents and my siblings, and really couldn't give a damn what my parents did for a living or what house we lived in. I had argued with my parents on this point, refusing to take their money for school or for paying my own rent, I wanted to do this all on my own.

So now here I was, ordering coffee and going to work at a job that I already hated at 8:45 AM.

"I'll err, have a grande bold coffee, black please." I muttered after the girl still didn't ask for my order. She seemed to snap out of it though, and punched in my order, blushing all the while. _Well, at least you don't work here_, I said to myself, taking comfort in the fact that I didn't have spend my summer making lattes for angry New Yorkers.

Once I had my coffee, I exited the shop and continued my way down to Books and Things. I didn't have to rush, I didn't start until nine and the store was just around the corner, so I sauntered my way over to the store.

As I turned the corner, I caught sight of the store and groaned. I had forgotten how fucking massive Books and Things was, particularly this location. It occupied a wide space, probably the length of several normal sized stores, and was two stories high. They had books from the most mundane works of fiction, to "how to" books on how to make costumes for your cat.

I downed my coffee in a few swift gulps, probably burning my tongue in the process, tossing the cup in the trash can, and walked through the automatic doors that led to my torture.

_How does anyone find anything in here? _I wondered as I wandered through the store. It was even more intimidating than the outside, rows upon rows of books and displays. I laughed particularly at the display for this new vampire series that people were fawning over, and it was now becoming a movie. The brooding vampire was clutching his female lover on the cover, with a protective stance, and she, apparently innocent and beautiful, was holding onto him as well.

_No wonder I have such a hard time with relationships, all girls want is a teenage vampire_ _to fuck,_ I chuckled to myself. _Women. _

Someone must have heard me laugh, because a disembodied voice called out to me.

"The store doesn't open for another half hour." It was a woman's voice, and she sounded angry.

"Err, I'm not a shopper. I'm here to start my first day of work. I'm Edward Cullen." I said, spinning around trying to figure out where the voice was coming from.

"Oh!" I heard the voice call out, and a small, slightly round, black woman came from the aisle left of me.

"I'm sorry; I thought you were a customer. I'm Betty, one of the assistant managers. Kate hired you, correct?"

I stuck out my hand to shake hers. Her hand was strong; I had flex my fingers afterwards. "Pleasure to meet you ma'am, and yes, it was Kate who hired me." I wondered idly how many assistant managers the place had.

She looked up surprised at me. Gosh, this woman really was short.

"You're very formal. I didn't expect that from a man your age."

"My parents taught me to be polite ma'am." I told her with a smile. Yes, I was polite in these types of situations, but she didn't know the stuff that could come out of my mouth normally. I swore worse than a sailor most days. I just knew when it was appropriate and when it wasn't.

"Please, call me Betty. My mother is a 'ma'am', not me," she chuckled, and waved for me to follow her. She walked quickly and spoke equally as fast, and I had both a hard time keeping up with her and her words, almost falling over a stack of books in the process.

"The store opens at 9:30 AM every day except for Sunday, when we open at 10. I expect you to always be here a half hour early so you can do stock work or whatever else needs to be done before opening. You will always have to wear your uniform to work, and your nametag, which, ah, isn't ready yet so you are nameless for now. I'm going to stick you on the floor for now, since being at the cash register is a little much for a newbie, and you'll have an experienced employee train you for the first few weeks."

She turned and stopped in front of me, almost causing me to crash into her.

"Got all that Cullen?", she asked raising her eyebrow at me. Fuck, she probably thought I was some pretty boy who had no brain in my head.

"Err, yes I think I do ma...Betty." I sputtered out. _Good job not looking like an idiot. _Inside, I was my rolling my eyes at myself.

"Good." She seemed placated that I could comprehend the job. "I'll go get Isabella, and then she will show you the ropes." She quickly turned again, and dashed through a door that must have led to the employee break room or something.

_An experienced employee? _She must be older, maybe a woman my mother's age, working part-time as soon as her kids left the nest. I could picture a stout blonde woman with a "mom" haircut, teaching me the ins and outs of a bookstore. Ugh, if I wanted to see a mom, I would have stayed home this summer instead of suffering here. I leaned against a counter pinched my forefinger and my thumb at the bridge of my nose.

"Edward?" I heard a very pleasant voice call out. I looked up and was shocked at what I saw. Before me was a slim young woman that looked to be about my age, and she had long chestnut hair that ran down to her waist. Her most enticing trait was her eyes; they were wide and a deep chocolate brown in colour. Her eyes looked like they held so much, like they actually were windows to her soul. She was probably one of the most beautiful creatures I had ever seen, and I was just gaping at her. Sheesh, I was no better than the Starbucks girl.

"Yes?" I answered. _Smooth move Cullen. _Surely this pretty girl wasn't my supervisor, she looked far too young for that.

Her eyes widened and she spoke softly but with control. It was unexpected from her slight frame.

"I'm Isabella Swan, most people call me Bella though." She reached out to shake my hand.

Ah, so she was my supervisor. Her name was apt to describe her, beautiful Bella.

I took her hand in mine and something weird happened. Her skin seemed to send sparks into mine, traveling through my fingers and up my arm, and it caused my body to tingle. I felt my eyes widen, and when I looked down at Bella, she had the same look of surprise.

Before I could even process what was happening, Bella let go my hand quickly, recovering and moving her face into a professional mask.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance, Bella." Pleased to make your acquaintance? Who did I think I was, Mr. Darcy?

She seemed surprised at my formality, and she quirked her eyebrow at me.

"Uh, yes. Pleasure," she said stiffly, and I blushed at myself for being so awkward. Her face suddenly softened and she gave me a small smile.

"Come on, I'll show you around." She waved at me, and I followed closely behind her.

"So you're not quite what I expected when Betty told me I was training a new guy named Edward," she said, looking behind at me.

"What did you expect then?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Oh, some retired guy who was getting a job because he was bored. I'm glad you're not, we already have enough of those, but I never expected a guy like you."

"A guy like me?" I furrowed my brow. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

She slowed down so she could meet my stride and walk beside me.

"I mean, most of the guys we get here are either older, or pubescent guys who spend way too much time in the graphic novel section, but you're..."

"Awkward." I interrupted. I knew that, throw me into any social situation where I have to be a somewhat normal person, and I'll make it awkward in seconds flat.

Bella giggled again though. "I was going to say hot, but I guess awkward works for you too."

I was startled; no girl had ever outright said that to me before. Sure, I was aware that people, especially women, thought I was attractive, and I knew I wasn't unfortunate looking, but I never saw myself as 'hot'. I saw myself as awkward, clumsy, and gangly.

I was quite flattered that Bella thought I was hot though.

"I'm hot?" I beamed at her.

"Like you don't know. You probably have girls throwing themselves at you all the time." She said as she rolled her eyes at me.

"No actually, I don't. Like I said, I'm awkward." I was cocky at the moment though, so I said something I wouldn't normally.

"Would you throw yourself at me?" I asked.

She looked incredulously at me, like she didn't believe I would actually say something like that, and shook her head.

"In your dreams, Edward." She laughed and sped up to walk in front of me again. I jogged up to her so I could be at pace with her.

"You know, you're not what expected either." I said. That piqued her interest.

"And what did you expect?" She asked, mirroring my earlier question. I gave her a lopsided smile and I heard her breath hitch. _Huh, interesting. _

"When they told me 'experienced employee' , I thought you would be someone my mom's age, and you're, well, not."

"Pictured a soccer mom?" She asked, apparently reading my mind from earlier. I laughed.

"Maybe, yeah." I said, and she laughed with me. I didn't want to further stick my foot in my mouth by telling her I didn't expect her to be so beautiful.

"So how old are you?" She asked as we made our way up the stairs to the second floor.

"21."

"Me too." She smiled. Oh, so she was experienced but not older.

"How long have you worked here?" I asked.

"Umm, I've worked here full-time over the summer for the past two years, and part-time when I'm studying at NYU." She told me proudly. So she was smart, funny and beautiful. Oh Cullen, this could be your dream girl.

"You go to N.Y.U.? I've never seen you there before." I mused, trying to remember if I had seen her somewhere on campus.

"It's a big campus Edward, I wouldn't be surprised if you hadn't. Plus you're probably an economics major or something, and I don't mingle with those." She said, laughing.

"You're close," I told her. "Pre-law."

"That makes sense then, since I'm an English Lit major, and I only hang out with those of my own kind," she said with a smirk.

"Well, maybe you need to make an exception for me," I told her. Holy hell! What was making me so ballsy today?

Bella stopped dead in her tracks and blushed. It was incredibly cute.

She shook her head though and seemed to pull herself together, a faint reminder of her blush still laden in her cheeks.

"Enough with the chit-chat Cullen, time to get to work." And with that she regaled me with everything there was to know about Books and Things. Most of it was pretty simple, books went by genre, then by author on the shelf. If it was in demand or popular, you would make a few copies facing with the covers in front, instead of the spine, and we always had to restock so there would be no gaps in the shelves.

She showed me the backroom, which was really more the size of a warehouse, where they stored all the stock. She told me that mostly the stock boys would get stuff ready in the carts beforehand so we didn't have to go searching the warehouse, but it was always be good to familiarize yourself with it.

After that, she gave me a tour and showed me where all the different sections were, told me to memorize the layout of the store so I could direct customers. I made a mental note to pick up a store map before I left at the end of the day.

All the while she was walking and talking in front of me, I was watching her robust bottom swing in front of me. I knew I could get into deep shit for ogling my superior but damn, Bella even made khakis look hot.

"So for now you will be responsible for one section, and you will be in charge restocking, and helping people in that section. There are phones by the computers, and if someone calls your section, you pick it up. Got it?", she said, interrupting my reverie. I prayed she didn't catch me staring at her ass.

"I think so," I said warily. It was all pretty simple to figure out. I was just worried about her kicking my ass for looking at hers. She was tiny little thing but she looked like she could take me if she wanted to. I just then had the hilarious mental image of Bella hurtling herself at me, and I suppressed a laugh.

"Good. Your section is just coming up." She smiled, and I was relieved that she seemed to not have noticed my ogling.

We continued to walk until we stopped at a section full of paperback novels that featured various men with their shirts open, exposing their chests, and had titles like, _"Love in the Italian Villa", _and _"The Doctor and His Mistress_". I gaped and felt my eyes bug out. I heard Bella giggle behind me.

"So this is your section." She laughed.

Fuck, this really was going to be hell wasn't it?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to all those who left reviews! Especially Tua and C.C., you guys are awesome. As always, thanks to Nancy for reviewing for me.  
**

**I'll try to update on a weekly basis, so you guys won't be hanging on to long. ;) **

**I do not own anything Twilight related, just the desire to make Edward the clumsy one for once.  
**

**Chapter 2 - EPOV**

I was still gaping, and Bella was giggling beside me. She couldn't be serious that I was responsible for the Romance section. I would rather have any other section than this one.

"This is my section?" I said, incredulously.

"Yes," she said in between laughs. If her giggles hadn't been so cute, I would have seriously been annoyed.

"You can't be serious," I told her, moving my head to look at her. She had a ridiculous smile on her face. Obviously my discomfort entertained her, and surprisingly, it didn't'' bother me so much. In fact, I rather liked that I was the reason for the grin on her face.

"I am completely serious Edward," she said, still smiling. Gosh, the way she said my name, it was beautiful. I almost forgot about the ridiculous situation I was currently in.

"Wouldn't I be better in something like Sci-Fi or maybe travel?" _Fuck _,_ I would even take the children's section if I had to, _I thought to myself. Surely romance was no place for me, I had never even read the stuff before.

"No, I definitely think romance is the place for you."

I frowned. "Are you trying to torture me?" I asked, and then I regretted speaking to her like that. It was rude. I felt my face flush for the millionth time today.

I thought she was going to chastise me for speaking to her like that but her face was relaxed, her eyes friendly.

"I'm not trying to torture you. Well, not much," she said, and I quirked my eyebrow at her. She smirked at my expression.

"All the newbies start in romance. Sort of a right of passage type thing. It's mostly because this section is pretty dead most of the time, except for the odd horny housewife, and they usually are too embarrassed to ask for help anyway, so most of the time you are just doing stock or helping around in other places in the store. Then of course, it's just fun to put new people, especially guys, in this section." She smiled up at me.

"So it's like a initiation thing," I mused.

"Sort of."

"Well, I guess I better get to it then." I sighed, walking into what is surely the seventh level of Hell, shaking my head all the while.

"Edward," she called, and I turned to face her again. She seemed shy for the first time since I met her, looking down and blushing. It was like she didn't want to go.

"Yeah?" I said, again being the eloquent person that I am.

She came closer to me and touched my arm, sending the same sparks into my arm as when she touched my hand before.

"You'll do fine, don't worry." She smiled, looking up to meet her brown eyes with mine. I couldn't help it. I smiled in response. I heard her take a big intake of breath and she let go of my shoulder.

"I'll check on you later," she said, turning , and I bent to grab books from the bottom of the trolley to add to the shelf, as _Montana Daydreams_ was seriously out of stock. I rolled my eyes at the cover. It had this guy who was wearing a cowboy hat and jeans, nothing else, standing in what looked like a barn. Did women seriously read this stuff?

I sighed and shook my head, deciding not to think about the cowboy from Montana. A movement caught my eye in peripheral vision, and I looked sideways to see Bella looking quite explicitly at my ass. I tried not to let out a laugh, but a low chuckle snuck through my lips and gave me away. I saw Bella blush deeply and scurry away, embarrassed that I caught her staring.

_Maybe this job won't be so bad after all, _I mused with huge smile plastered on my face, and went back to work.

It didn't take me long to finish restocking. In fact, I was done before 10, giving me ample time to do other things. Not that there was really much to do anyway, the store was pretty dead. I hadn't seen one customer in my section, and it was already noon. I walked up and down the aisles for a while, partially because I was bored, and partially because I was hoping to see Bella again. I didn't, so the pacing got old fast.

I decided to read since I had a plethora of books in front of me, although I wasn't too excited to having to pick from the romance novels in front of me. I tried to look for the least cheesy, most masculine one, which was really a lost cause from the start, and settled on a historical one, _Officer at Sea_, hoping maybe it had pirates or at least a battle in it. Not that I need that in all my reading choices, but I really didn't think I would intellectually stimulated by this particular genre. I sighed and went to lean against a bookcase, opening up to the first page.

It was all pretty cheesy, and horribly predictable and I fought to get past the few couple pages. The main character being a wealthy upper class woman in nineteenth century England who was widowed by her poor husband a year before. She meets a navel officer at the market, and they start a passionate love affair only a few chapters into the book, the officer having his way with her in various different situations and locals.

By the fifth chapter, it was getting particularly dirty, and I found myself getting into what was basically porn without pictures, becoming entranced with the idea of "heaving bosoms" and quick fucking in an alleyway. It probably didn't help that I was picturing Bella in all these situations, and it made my dick twitch. _Jesus, Cullen. You've known her all of a couple hours, get a hold of yourself! _

"That's not a bad one." Bella said, jolting me out of my reverie and scaring the shit out of me.

"Bah!" I yelled, rocketing the book out of my hands nearly missing Bella's head by inches as she ducked out of the way.

"I'm sorry. Did I scare you?" Bella asked, a smile hinting at her lips.

"A little bit." I said, embarrassed, knowing that right now I was probably turning tomato red.

She smiled at my blush, and it was sweet, not in a mocking way, it was more that she liked seeing me blush, maybe as much as I liked hers. I really liked the idea of that.

"You've read this?" I asked incredulously, after picking up the book that had landed by Bella's feet. I thought this would be a little past her by now.

"Sure." She shrugged. "We all start in Romance, remember? This one is one of the better ones, though that's not saying much. There are only a few real good ones in here."

"Really?" I couldn't fathom any of these being good, well other than good for turning someone on. She nodded and moved down a few shelves on the aisle, picking up a book from the middle shelf and handing it to me.

"This one is pretty good, it actually has a plot that doesn't just revolve around sex, and the dialogue is pretty witty and well written. I actually don't think it belongs here, it would fit better in the fiction section. Though, they will never move it because it has too much sex in it apparently. It's ridiculous. I mean, what's wrong with sex,? she said to me casually.

"You make it sound like sex isn't a big deal," I replied.

"It isn't." She said, then quirking her eyebrow at me. "Do you think it is?"

_Whoa_, this was going a way different direction then I thought it was. First we were casually talking about books, and now we had moved onto our views on sex. _Oh Boy._

" I think it can be," I said, not really thinking about what I was saying. "Yeah, you can do the meaningless fuck, but I really think it can be so much better with someone you care about."

"Are you telling me you have only slept with people you cared about? Never a one night stand,? she scoffed.

"Never." I answered.

"I don't believe you, Cullen."

"It's true. I have only been with women I care about deeply," I said, frowning. She probably thought I was some man whore. I didn't let her know that when I said "women", it was only one woman, but that was neither here nor there.

She looked at me and something in my face must have shown her I was telling the truth, because her face become soft again.

"You're not what I expected," she said, looking shy again, biting her lip. God, was that sexy.

"You told me that already," I teased.

"I mean about everything. You continue to surprise me," she said, blushing.

"Is that a good thing?" I asked, flirting a bit.

She looked surprised, like a deer in the headlights, her eyes widening significantly.

"Maybe," she said, and quickly looked away. I was going to push the subject more, but decided not to, since I had already been pretty ballsy with this girl enough today.

"So, since you have made it abundantly clear that romance is not your favourite genre, what kind of books do you like, Cullen?" Bella said, still averting her eyes from me.

"Hmmm," I sighed. "I guess I don't have a particular favourite. I like the classics, autobiographies, quite a bit of fiction. I don't have a lot of my books here, but I have a lot more in my parent's library…" I trailed off as I saw she was gaping at me now.

"What?"

"Your parents have a library?" Bella asked, her eyes bugging out of her head. I almost laughed at her expression.

"Well, its not like a real library, it's just one room in our house," I said, a little confused at her reaction.

"Like in The Beauty and the Beast? With one of those rolling ladder thingies?" Bella was completely amazed at this tidbit of information I had given her, and the comparison made me laugh out loud.

"It's not that big," I said chuckling. "But we do have one of the 'ladder thingies'", I said, and Bella went to smack me but I dodged out of the way.

"Not a good idea to be snarky to your supervisor."

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist." I said, smiling. "Did I surprise you again, Miss Swan?"

She rolled her eyes but there was a smile playing on her lips.

"Always, Cullen." She smiled and left me without another word, assuming it meant it was time to go back to work.

The rest of my shift went by pretty fast. I only needed to help one woman trying to find this obscure Harlequin novel, and that had only take a few minutes, tops. The rest of the time I mostly paced around the section thinking about Bella. Hoping she would pop in and surprise me again. Bella intrigued me, she seemed to be a barrel of contradictions. She seemed strong and independent, but there were little clues that she wasn't as sure of herself as she seemed. Like her blush and slight nervousness. Her comment on sex surprised me just as much as mine had surprised her; it was like our roles were reversed. I wanted to know why she felt that way, and I really wanted to get inside her head.

Okay, and maybe her pants. I was pretty fucking attracted to Bella, I knew that from the first time I saw her. I was pretty sure she was attracted to me too, I just didn't know how much. She seemed to like my desperate attempts at flirting, but she would always hold back after I did, therefore making me pretty confused at the time.

Bella didn't show up again for the rest of my shift and I worried that I had put her off, but then pushed that out my head. _She probably was just busy, _I thought rationally to myself, and went to punch out in the employee break room, hoping that Betty had punched me in since I never did. It surprised me to find Bella there punching out right in front of me. She gave me a smile and moved out of the way.

"So how was the rest of your shift?", she asked, leaning against the door frame.

"Not bad, not really much to do." I replied.

"Yeah, Romance can get like that. Once they move you to another section, you'll get busier," Bella said, looking down at her shoes.

I really didn't know what to say. It was weird, today we talked easily, like we had known each other years, not a few hours, but now it was painfully awkward. I cursed myself again for being too flirty with her.

"Want me to walk you out?", I blurted, not really thinking. I really thought she would object, or even laugh at me, but she didn't. She smiled and told me that she would like that.

We walked to the front of the store in silence. I was aching to touch her the whole time, to feel the electricity again; but I didn't, since that would be a highly inappropriate thing to do with the supervisor I just met this morning.

Bella would glance up at me once in a while, all shy again, and I smiled because I loved that she could go from calm and cool in one moment, to bashful and awkward in the next. Bella's cheeks reddened when she caught me smiling at her.

Once we got outside the store, she turned to me, I was guessing to say goodbye. I knew I didn't want to, but I didn't know what to say.

"Uh, so where do you live? I could walk you back home if you'd like?", I said as I pulled my hands through my hair. I always did that when I was nervous.

"Ummm," she said, pulling her hands through her hair as well, mimicking my exact movements from a second earlier. For some reason, my heart did flips over this.

"Just over on 23rd, I take the subway usually. Where do you live?" , Bella replied, giving me the hint that it wasn't necessary to walk her home.

"Just a few blocks away actually." I said, shuffling my feet.

"Hey, Edward," Bella spoke after a few awkward seconds.

"Yeah?" I looked up from my feet to see her looking at me again, though her face looked conflicted.

"Why don't I give you my cell number so you can call me if you have any questions, or something," she said quickly, the words coming out in a rush.

Bella was going to give me her phone number, without me even asking for it? Inside my head I was doing the happy dance.

I was so surprised that I just muttered out a "sure," and handed her my iPhone so she could punch in her number.

"There," she said with a smile and moved to give the phone back to me. Our hands grazed for a fraction of a second, and I felt the electrical spark once again. It was heavenly.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow, Edward," she told me as she turned to go to the subway entrance that was a short distance away.

"I'll see you, Bella," I said, hoping that she didn't notice my voice wrapped around her name like a caress, and turned the opposite direction.

Once I had turned the corner and couldn't see her anymore, I sent her a quick text.

_Just letting you know that this is me, and not some other random guy sending you a bunch of texts. - Edward_

She replied almost instantly and I could feel the huge grin on my face.

_Does that mean you're planning on sending me a lot texts? -B. _

I decided that flirting over text was way easier than in real life, so I played with her some more.

_Maybe. Would you like me to send you a lot? - E. _

_Will they be work related? - B. _

Shit, I didn't know whether to lie or tell the truth. The truth could scare her away, or she could get my ass for harassment. I decided to go with the truth because really, how much could I talk to her about stocking methods?

_Not really, no. - E. _I typed in, holding my breath. It took her a few minutes to respond, but she did.

_Then I would, yes. : ) -B. _was all she replied, and I almost walked into a lamp post as I was beaming down at my phone and not looking where I was going. A man in a business suit walking past me laughed, and if I wasn't in such a good mood, I would have flipped him off. But I just brushed it off and kept walking.

I had never felt this way about a girl before. Bella had in one day made me a giddy, flirtatious fool, and I was so attuned to her it was crazy. I noticed every move or emotion that flitted across her face. It was like I could read her thoughts just in her face, her emotions were so clear on it. I knew I was becoming increasingly infatuated with Bella, but I really didn't care.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and hoped it was a text from Bella, but frowned once I saw that it wasn't.

"Hello Alice."

"You could sound a little more enthusiastic when you talk to your favourite sister."

"You're my only sister," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Don't you roll your eyes at me, Edward Cullen!" I had to laugh then. It was crazy how well she knew me. We were only a year apart, so Alice and I had always been closer than Emmett and I would ever be. I loved my sister to death but sometimes, she could annoy the hell out of me.

"I'm sorry. What's up Alice?" I tried to say with genuine interest now.

"Oh well, the same old. Mom and Dad are packing for their grand European vacation, and I am still mad about them not taking me with them. I mean, they know how much I love Paris!", she whined. My sister was probably the most fashion conscious person I had ever met and was even majoring in fashion design out at a school on the west coast.

"Did you ever think there was a reason for them not taking you? Like them maybe wanting some, err, alone time?" I told her, allowing for a frightening mental image of my parents in my head. I think I visibly cringed.

"EWWW! EDWARD!" Alice yelled, causing me to pull my phone away from my ear.

"Don't EVER put that thought in my head again," she fumed at a slightly lower sound level.

"Is there a reason why you called, or did you just want to complain about you not going with mom and dad?" I said, coming out meaner then I intended. "It's not that I don't like hearing from you, I've just had a long day at work," I quickly added, hoping I didn't hurt her feelings.

"Well I called because I missed you, and I was thinking of coming to the city to visit for a few days, and stay at your place, if that's all right?"

"Sure, Alice. I missed your little pixie head as well. When were you thinking of coming?"

Alice seemed to be contemplating or flipping through her daybook, so it took her a few moments to respond. I had already gotten to my apartment building, and I was letting myself in when she finally responded.

"Sorry, I got an email that I had to answer. I would probably be coming down around the end of the month, that okay?" She paused. "Wait. You said earlier that you had a hard day at work? Since when do you have a job?", she scoffed incredulously.

"Since today." I said, a little hurt.

"Where the hell do you work?"

"Promise not to laugh?" I said, unlocking my door and flopping down on my couch.

"Why would I laugh? Oh God Edward, you're not working at Chippendales are you?

"What?" I almost yelled. " Do you really think I would get a job at Chippendales? I said, horrified at even the thought.

"Well you told me not to laugh…" She trailed off, and I rolled my eyes, not caring if she knew.

"No, nothing like Chippendales. I work at Books and Things."

She didn't laugh, but she did snort. "Books and Things? Oh God Edward, I need to see you in that uniform. It will provide me endless hours of entertainment!", she squealed.

"Yeah, that won't be happening." I said, knowing that once Alice had seen it, she would tell Emmett, and then I would never live it down.

"Please?", she pleaded.

"Nope."

"Fine! I'll just have to catch you with it on when I'm there, won't I?", she challenged.

"We will see about that," I warned.

"So, how was work then Edward?", she sighed, defeated for now.

"It was…interesting," I said.

"Interesting?", she wondered. " Oh my gosh, you met a girl, didn't you?"

Holy shit she was good. "What? No. Why would you think that?" I didn't sound very convincing.

"You are so transparent sometimes, Edward. I can simply tell by your voice, you sound giddy. I've only heard you sound like that with Tan.."

"Don't say it," I said cutting her off.

"Jesus, Edward. It's been almost three years. You need to get over it."

"I am over it." And I was, it just still fucking hurt to hear the name of the girl who basically stomped on my heart and fed it to the wolves.

"Whatever," Alice said, unconvinced. "So, who is she?", she questioned. I let out a deep sigh, and then told her about Bella, noticing that I told her details that I probably wouldn't tell anyone else.

It felt like I had been talking forever, when Alice finally interrupted me.

"Wait, wait, wait. You met her today?" Alice asked.

"Uh, yeah. At work." I thought that was blatantly obvious in the conversation.

I could hear Alice's chiming laugh in my ear.

"Oh man, you've got it bad, don't you?" I could tell that she was smiling into the phone now.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I lied. Damn Alice and her knowing me so well.

"Sure you don't."

"Listen Alice, I would really like to stay and chat, but I need to take a shower and not talk about my love life."

"Ah, so you admit this has to do with your love life." _Damn little pixie. _

"Goodbye Alice," I said before hanging up the phone. She would be mad, but she'd get over it.

I decided to forgo the shower for now and just went to change into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt since it was pretty bloody hot in my apartment, and sat down to watch t.v.

I was tired from my early start today, and fell asleep halfway through the 6 o'clock news, visions of Bella filling my mind.

****

BPOV

_Who ever thought that popcorn ceilings were a good idea needs to be shot. I mean seriously, imagine all the dust that's accumulating on the little crevices. I might have to dust the ceiling tomorrow…_ I thought, frowning and staring at the ceiling in disgust.

I was lying awake again, though, it wasn't at all for the reasons that normally kept me up all night. I had honestly tried to sleep, and Lord knows I was exhausted from my early start today. But something, or rather, _someone,_ was constantly on my brain, and that got me into very dangerous territory, for several reasons.

I didn't know why Edward had this effect on me. From the first moment I met him, it was like my earth had tilted, and I felt…different. I felt lighter, happier, and to be honest, more comfortable with him than I had ever felt with anyone, ever. Which really didn't make sense since I barely knew the man.

Still, I felt like I knew him. He was so easy to read, his facial expressions and mannerisms were like an open book. I had instantly felt comfortable in his presence, like we had known each other all our lives.

To be truthful with myself, it wasn't just the way he made me feel that kept him constantly on my mind, and it wasn't that he was funny, smart, and every bit as awkward as he said he was. No, if it was that simple, he wouldn't have had been in my head all day since the moment I met him.

I was attracted to Edward. He was simply more than "cute" or "hot", as most people my age would call a guy they thought was attractive. He was beautiful. It was like he was carved by the gods, perfection in every feature. He didn't seem to be aware of his beauty, which I had originally thought of as an act, but his personality, the way he was so bashful in some of his answers, made me think that maybe he wasn't that aware of his own beauty. Either that, or I was the only one who noticed it, which again meant I was moving into some dangerous territory.

"Ugh!" I moaned, and flopped onto my back, burying my face into my pillow and closing my eyes, trying to force myself to fall asleep. It didn't help. Behind my lids, I saw piercing blue eyes, unkempt bronze hair, a strong jaw lined with stubble, and soft, red lips… My eyes flashed open, and I noticed my breathing had started getting quicker as I was picturing him. It was something I immediately felt guilty about. I should not be thinking these things about Edward. However pleasant those thoughts were.

I turned my head to the side and noticed my cell phone on my bedside table, reminding me of my earlier conversation with Edward, which ultimately ended in me giving him my number. I wasn't planning on it, and I'm sure it gave him the wrong idea, but it seemed he didn't want to leave me, and to be truthful, I didn't really want to leave him, so I gave it to him on a whim. I just couldn't say no to that beautiful face.

When I got a text from him a few moments after I left him, I was actually smiling when I read his response, and was _glad_ he wanted to keep talking to me.

_Fuck Swan, you're screwed, you do know that? _My conscious had told me, and I shook my head, ignoring her. I was still staring at my phone, and my hand moved to grab it without any real conscious choice to get it. I soon found myself clicking through my text messages until I was re-reading the ones Edward and I had sent back and forth.

_Does that mean you__'re planning on sending me a lot texts? -B. _

I remember thinking, _oh God, I hope so. _

_Maybe. Would you like me to send you a lot? - E. _

_Will they be work related? - B. _

I knew they wouldn't be, I was just wondering if he would be man enough to own up to it.

_Not really, no. - E._

_Then I would, yes. : ) - B. _

I realized I was shamelessly flirting with him via text, and he was too but I really didn't give a damn.

I decided that sleep was out for now and that I might as well do some more text flirting while I was lying awake. My fingers were aching to text him and I didn't even bother to check the time before I sent Edward a semi-flirty text message.

_I'm disappointed Cullen. You tell me you are going to send me copious amounts of txt messages and then I get none from you since? Are you trying to break my heart? - B. _

I waited a few minutes, and then I feared that he had taken my message the wrong way, and I would scare him away. I was in the middle of panicking when I heard the chirp of my phone, and relief flooded through me when I saw Edward had responded.

_I would never intentionally break your heart Bella. I just fell asleep pretty much as soon as I got home. And I'm pretty sure I never used the word "copious", in reference to the amount of texts I would be sending - E._

I thought he meant the first part as a joke, but I couldn't get a nagging feeling that behind his joking response, he really meant what he said. Ah, this was getting dangerous, for the both of us.

_I'm sorry I woke you up. I couldn't sleep -B. _I looked at the time for the first time this evening and saw it was past midnight. I inwardly chastised myself for waking him up. He also had an early shift to start tomorrow, and I was bringing him down with me now.

His response was almost instantaneous.

_It's no problem. I'm usually a night owl anyways, I was just so exhausted. My supervisor worked me hard today ;) - E. _

I rolled my eyes.

_Yeah, between reading on the job to pacing the floor, you really did a lot of work. -B. _

I smiled at myself after pressing send, he hadn't known that I was spying on him all day.

_I did more than that. -E. _

I decided to give him a bone.

_No, I really don't think you did. I was watching you the entire time. -B. _

I could just imagine his eyes bugging out at this information, and I laughed at the image.

_I don't believe you. -E. _

_You put your hands through your hair a lot. - B. _I simply answered. I was waiting for the chirp that would notify me if he texted me back, but my phone rang instead. I looked at the screen confused, since no one would call me this late, and then noticed it was Edward.

"Hello?" I said tentatively, not really sure he wanted to move to actual conversation. I was fine in my text world.

"I do not put my hands through my hair a lot," Edward said, sounding almost like a sulking child.

"You do. It's like every 15 seconds, almost like clockwork." I giggled. "And hellos are customary as greetings in most cultures." I heard him sigh into the phone and I fought another giggle.

"Well if I do, then you do it just as much, Bella," he said, sounding satisfied with himself.

"Excuse me?" I scoffed.

"You pull your hands through your hair a lot as well. During every conversation we had today you were doing it." He paused. "You're probably doing it right now." I stopped my hand on my head because, of course he was right.

"I'm right, aren't I?" he said, taking my silence as confirmation.

"Shut up," I said, annoyed that he could read me just as well as I could read him. He laughed, and it was one of the most beautiful sounds I had ever heard. I think my heart swelled to twice its size.

"Did you just call to annoy me?" I sulked.

He was abruptly serious then. "I wasn't trying to annoy you Bella, just teasing. Am I really bothering you?" He sounded so sad at the last part, it hurt me.

"You're not bothering me, I'm just wondering why you called, that's all," I responded.

"Well, I really hate typing for long periods of time, so I figured I would call you instead. Plus my humour and quick wit don't go over that well in text messages."

"Well, it's a good thing you don't have either of those," I teased.

"I'm witty and you know it," he chuckled, and I felt a smile play across my lips. "So, were you actually spying on me?"

"Of course. It's my job," I responded. I actually was supposed to monitor new employees, but that was usually just in passing. I had watched Edward a hell of lot more, and it wasn't because I didn't trust him not to steal or something like that.

"But where," he said, almost in wonder. "I looked around for you, but I never saw you." Ah, so that's what he was doing wandering down the aisles, looking for me. That new information made me feel both horrible and ecstatic.

"I have my secrets, Cullen."

"Could you please tell me?"

"Nope," I laughed; he was really sounding like a whiny child now. It was hilarious.

"What can I do for you to tell me?" He pleaded.

"Hmmm." I said, playing with him a bit. " You could offer me sexual favours."

I actually heard him choke on the other end. " I…uh…" he coughed out. My God, he wasn't actually considering that!

"I was kidding, Edward. Relax, breathe. Jesus, you really want to know, don't you?"

" I just don't like secrets, that's all," he said, sounding a bit flustered from my earlier reference, but still completely serious at the same time.

"You'll have to get used to them, Edward. With me, it comes with the package." I said seriously, all joking gone. I didn't know why I was telling him this, he barely knew me, but something in me wanted him to know what he was getting himself into by knowing me, being my friend, or whatever we were.

There was a light pause, and before he could respond, I decided to speak first, not wanting to get into why I had secrets I didn't want to tell.

"Anyways, I should let you go, I know we both have an early shift tomorrow." I said, trying to make my voice sound all sunny again.

"Alright, Bella. Have a good night and sleep tight." He said, and I almost laughed out loud. No one had told me to "sleep tight" since I was child, and it was completely random to hear it come out of Edwards mouth. _What a cutie, _I thought with a smile.

"Don't let the bed bugs bite, right?" I said with a giggle, finishing the saying for him.

"Hey now, don't knock it. In my apartment, that is all too much a possibility." He responded.

Did he just say that he probably had bed bugs? Not a good way to try and impress women, Cullen. Not that I want him to impress me. I think.

"If that's the case, I will probably not be in your apartment anytime soon." I said.

"We'll see about that." Edward said wickedly. I was actually shocked, my mouth gaping at the phone.

"Excuse me?" Was all I could come up with as a response. He was not insinuating _that. _Was he?

"Goodnight Bella." Was all he said, chuckling.

Grrr. He was going to leave me hanging.

"Goodnight Edward." I said acidly. Edward laughed again, and then I heard the line cut off.

I turned off my phone and moved back down to try and sleep again. I had to admit, that my texting/phone call with Edward had made me feel in a much better mood.

I knew that was going to have another nightmare tonight, that was inevitable. But I did have something to look forward to tomorrow, and I could live with my nightmare tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks again to Nancy for being my amazing Beta! **

**Again, I do not own anything Twilight related.  
**

****

Chapter 3 

**EPOV**

To say that I was eager to get to work this morning was an understatement.

Case in point: Me, the infamous night-owl who never got up before noon to save my life, was wide awake at 7:30 a.m., half an hour before my alarm clock went off. I also probably had a huge ass grin on my face as well, which I knew wasn't due to the oh-so-inspiring work environment or minimum wage and long hours that greeted me today. This grin, the uncustomary morning grin, was all for Bella.

I got up to have a shower, almost jumping out of my bed, and thought of the conversation Bella and I had last night. I was surprised that she texted me last night, not expecting to hear from her so soon, but pretty damn happy that she did nonetheless.

Her text had woken me up while I was sleeping on my couch. I almost thought the buzzing was coming from _The Simpson's_ rerun that was on my t.v., and only realized it was my phone the second time it vibrated.

I picked it up, expecting it to be a random message from Emmett, or the guys trying to get me to the bar since the fact that it was a Monday night would not deter my two best friends, Garret and Seth, from going bar hopping.

When I saw it was Bella, I couldn't help but smile at her message. I could tell that she was trying to flirt with me a bit, teasing me about my earlier messages.

I teased her back, and I was surprised that she felt bad for waking me up. I couldn't let her feel bad; I would let her interrupt anything, if she wanted to talk to me. I knew that it was a sign that I was falling hard for Bella already, but I didn't really care, choosing to live in the here and now.

I couldn't believe her when she told me that she had been watching me at work, since it was practically all I did during my shift was look at her; and when she said that she saw me rake my hands through my hair (which I did quite often), it floored me. She was watching me. Probably the whole time.

This new information made me incredibly happy, reinforcing the idea that this whole thing with Bella wasn't one sided, and I decided to call her on a whim. She seemed shocked that I had actually called her, but she warmed up to me quickly, and we were joking and flirting in no time.

There was though, something off about Bella when she was speaking to me. Something that she was very much trying to hide. Even through her joking, I could hear an emotion that I couldn't put my finger on, and I desperately wanted to unravel the way her brain worked.

I still had a huge ass grin on my face when I got to work early. I tried to kill time between my shower and when I had to be at work, stopping at Starbucks to get a coffee. I didn't really need my caffeine fix today since I was pretty much high on life, or rather, high on Bella, but I figured I might crash this afternoon if I didn't. I thought that maybe Bella would need coffee as well this morning; she had told me she couldn't sleep last night.

I ordered two black coffees since I didn't what Bella liked, and grabbed a pile of sugars and creamers for her to choose from and stuffed them in my pocket. As I made my way down the street towards work, I hoped that maybe the walk to work would calm me down and allow me to change my expression to something that did not resemble a raving lunatic. Apparently, that was a lost cause from the start, the walk only pulling me more towards Books and Things, and towards Bella, widening my grin, and probably scaring people with my ridiculous smile.

Once I arrived at work, it took a lot of effort to look somewhat normal, but I was able to finally compose my face into what I hoped was a cool, casual expression. Yeah, I really liked Bella, but my shit eating grin would probably not be the best thing at the moment, unless I wanted her to ship me off to the mad house.

I went to the break room to hang out a bit before my shift started, and I was surprised to find Bella there curled up on the small sofa, sleeping.

The image of Bella curled up on that sofa would have been beautiful, but I was quick to see that Bella was not having a peaceful sleep. Her face was pinched and her brows were furrowed, almost like she was in physical pain. I put down the coffee and crept quietly towards her, noticing that when I got closer, I could see her eyes moving rapidly under her eyelids. Bella was dreaming, and judging by her expression now, her dreams were not pleasant.

I was frozen in front of her. I wanted to soothe her, help her, but I didn't know what to do. I just knew that I wanted to ease any pain that she was feeling now.

"Edward," I heard Bella mumble in anguish. I took a sharp intake of breath, thinking for a moment I had woken her up, but she still had her eyes closed. She was dreaming about me, and I hoped I wasn't the reason for the pain on her face and the anguish in her voice.

"Edward," she called again, her voice clearer now and breaking in pain. That break in her voice was what finally forced me to move the last couple feet towards her, and I crouched so my face was level with hers.

"Shh, Bella. I'm here," I said in the most calming voice I could muster.

"Edward?" Bella was still asleep, but somewhere in her subconscious, she heard me. I saw her features loosen a little, and I hoped the me just talking to her was helping her; I really didn't know what else to do.

"Yes, Bella?"

Bella whimpered, and fear bolted through me. What could trap her in her dreams like that?

"Stay with me," she said, clearly and quietly.

"I'm here, you're alright." I tried to soothe her, but I could hear the anguish in my own voice; her pain was cutting at me like it was my own.

"Promise me. Promise me you'll stay."

"I promise you, Bella, I'm not going anywhere," I said, pushing a strand of her hair off her face, and tucking it behind her ear. Either my words or the physical contact had done something right, because Bella's features almost completely relaxed, save for a small 'v' that was still in between her eyebrows.

I trailed my hand from her ear, down her cheek, and to the line of her jaw, not sure if I was being helpful or borderline creepy, but I treasured the feel of skin on my fingertips.

I kept going along her jaw, to her chin, and when I had my thumb hovering above her lower lip, I saw Bella shiver, I pulled my hand away quickly, just getting it out the way before she awoke.

I heard Bella sigh and saw her eyes flutter open. She seemed confused at first, like her eyes were unable to focus, and then her eyes widened at me. I then realised that I was pretty fucking close to her, and that it would probably startle anyone if their co-worker was hovering over them while they slept.

_Great, she was going to think I was some creepy stalker._

"Edward?" she asked, confusion written all over face.

"Hey," I answered quietly.

"What are you doing?" It took me a second to realize that she was referring to my close proximity to her, and I stumbled over my words trying to explain without sounding creepy. Something like "_I like watching you sleep" _would not go over well.

"I was err, just bringing you coffee, and then I found you asleep, but you looked like you were having a bad dream, so I uh, tried to wake you up." _Real smooth there, Cullen. _

"And you thought the best way to do that was to be an inch away from my face?" Bella asked me incredulously; she saw right through me.

"Yes."

Bella quirked her eyebrow at me but said nothing more, and moved to a sitting position on the couch. I stood up awkwardly and stuffed my hands in my pockets. I felt like an idiot. I shouldn't have been so close to her, I shouldn't have touched her. What if she had caught me? It was all very innocent, but I had no clue if she would want me to touch her, especially when she was so vulnerable in her sleep.

I heard Bella stretch out and then sigh.

"So, you brought me coffee?" she asked, bringing me out of my reverie.

I looked back to where the two coffee cups had been sitting and looked back at her. She looked oddly touched by my simple gesture.

"Oh, yeah," I said, bringing her cup to her and taking a sip from mine.

"How'd you know what I liked?"

"I didn't. I just got you a regular coffee, but I did bring this," I smiled and pulled out from my pocket a heaping pile of coffee creamers, that ranged from full fat to non-fat, white sugar, raw sugar, and Sweet and Low, topped off with a half a dozen stir sticks and napkins, and dumped it all on the coffee table in front of her. Bella looked at the pile, looked at me, and then looked back at the pile once more before looking at me like I had just given her a puppy.

"Edward, you didn't need to do that," she said, clutching onto her coffee.

"Sure I did. I figured since I was the one who called you last night and kept you talking late, you would need a caffeine fix today." I said, giving her my crooked smile. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do because her eyes began to tear up.

Shit, what did I do. Fuck. I made her cry. I didn't want to make her cry.

"Oh Bella, don't cry. I'm sorry. I…" I really didn't know what I a was apologizing for, or if it was even me making her cry, but I again had the urge to ease her pain in any way possible. Maybe this was a trait I had picked up from my father, his overwhelming need to help people was bound to rub off on me some how.

Bella shook head and smiled this huge smile, stopping me from rambling further.

"No, no, I'm not sad. I'm just so surprised. Nobody has ever done that for me." Bella looked like she was about to tackle me with a bear hug, which I really wouldn't mind at all, but her reaction was just so odd. It was just a three dollar coffee, she made it sound like I had given her the world.

"Bought you coffee?" I asked incredulously.

"No. Nobody has taken care of me like that. At least, not without some sort of forced obligation." Bella was still smiling, but her eyes were sad again.

So Bella was someone who cared for herself, and from the way that she made it sound, she had been doing it for a long time now. It was a small piece to the puzzle that was Bella's brain, but it made me understand her a little bit more.

"Well, I don't mind looking out for you." I paused. "Tell you what, every time we work the same shift, I'll bring you coffee, 'kay?"

"Edward, you don't -"

"Yes I do. I want to. If it's something that makes you happy, I'll do it." I said, interrupting her. She opened her mouth to disagree with me again, and I stopped her.

"I won't take no for an answer, Swan."

"I was just going to tell you I like vanilla lattes," she said shyly.

"I'll remember that then." I smiled as she grabbed two packets of 2% milk and dumped it into her coffee. Bella closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of the coffee, sighing in contentment afterward. Her actions were completely normal, but incredibly erotic.

I was getting turned on by this? Oh God, Bella would be my undoing.

Bella looked up from her coffee and patted the seat beside her, gesturing for me to sit down. I sat down as close to the other end of the sofa I could get, worried that I would startle her with being too close again. I took another sip of my coffee in silence, not at all knowing what to say.

Wouldn't you know it though, Bella surprised me again. One minute I was sitting as far from Bella as possible, and in the next, Bella had inched her way beside me, so close that I could feel her body heat radiate onto me. She then rested her head on my shoulder, relaxing into me. I stiffened at first, not expecting such close contact at all, but then quickly melted into Bella's side as well. It felt so easy, so comfortable. I had noticed earlier how my contact had calmed her during her dream, and even now I could see it was making her feel more calm and serene, but it was the first time I noticed how her contact soothed _me. _With Bella tucked into my side, I felt more complete then I have ever felt in my life.

I realized there, on that small little sofa in the employee break room of Books and Things, that I could very easily fall in love with Bella; it would be almost effortless. Hell, I was already on the way there; she already had a hold on me, and our mutual comfort was an example of that. I didn't know her well enough to say that I loved her yet, but I hoped that someday I could. It was a strong enough feeling for me to try and stick around, no matter what Bella wanted from me.

We sat in silence for a long time, just comfortable with each other's company until Bella looked down at her watch and noticed it was time for us to be on the floor. I regretfully pulled myself away from her and helped her up off the sofa.

"Thank you," Bella said, blushing. I realized that Bella was still grasping my hand, and the sparks that ran between us yesterday were more than alive and well today.

"It's really no problem, Bella."

"I mean for everything. You have no idea what it means to me." She was smiling at me, but I could see the sadness in her eyes. It was the sadness of someone who has known their fair share of pain. I wanted to take that sadness away from her, even for a few moments.

"I'm glad to do it. What are friends for, right?" I said, smiling. She blushed and let go of my hand, and walked ahead of me to go out the door.

I was still standing in the same spot where she left me, when I was suddenly pulled into a tight hug.

"I'm glad you're my friend then," Bella said, and rushed quickly out the door, not even giving me time to respond. My arms were hanging limp the entire time since I was dumbfounded. I didn't expect the hug, but when did I ever expect Bella's reactions? She always did the opposite of what I thought she was going to do. I guess with Bella, you just had to expect the unexpected.

I rather liked that.

****

BPOV

I don't hug people. Ever. I even have a strict "no hugging" policy between me and the rest of the world. Even with past boyfriends, who I wasn't exactly chaste with, I never hugged, or even cuddled with them for that matter. As far as I was concerned they could do me, then get back to their side of the bed.

I don't even let my closest friend Rosalie Hale hug me. She understood that even though she couldn't hug me, it didn't mean that I regarded her any less of a friend.

I couldn't avoid the whole hugging thing when I had been with guys who were overly touchy-feely. When they did try to hug me, I would usually stand there like a limp noodle, not knowing what to with my body. They would get offended of course, and that would mean those boyfriends, lovers, whatever they were, didn't last long.

One of my psychiatrists told me it probably had something to do with some deep rooted trust issues from my childhood, blah blah blah, and that I needed to learn to trust people, that not everyone is out there to hurt me. Of course I knew that, it wasn't the logical part of my brain that allowed the crazy to come out in me. It was just easier said than done to trust people, especially considering my past.

So what came over me to give Edward the biggest hug I have given in years was beyond me. I just needed to, wanted to even. He had taken care of me, even though I had hadn't asked him to. He might have thought it was just coffee, but to me, it was one of the nicest things someone had ever done for me. No one had ever tried to look out for me before like that, and I nearly cried when he pulled out what looked like half the coffee creamers and sugar packets in Manhattan from his pocket. He had explained to me that he didn't know what I wanted, so he brought them all, and he had just such a genuine smile on his face, I nearly broke down in front of him.

Maybe part of it was also that being close to Edward made me feel better. No, not just better, but good, whole, for once. I had even felt it in my dream, and even though I couldn't really remember what the dream was about, I just knew it was unpleasant as usual. But I somehow felt Edward's presence in my dream, and I could swear I could feel his touch on my face. That touch had changed everything. I went from fear and dread to undeniable calm. When I woke up, I was completely surprised to see him there, just inches away from my face. He looked worried, and I was scared that he heard me talk in my sleep, or worse, heard me scream, which I was known to do. He only mentioned that he thought I was having a bad dream, no talking, so I breathed a sigh of relief over that. No need for Cullen to know how truly fucked up I was.

When he moved away to stand in front of me, I almost couldn't stand him being that far from me, it was like every nerve in my body ached to be closer. I was so relieved when he sat down beside me, though for some reason, he sat as far as away as he could possibly could, and I remedied that problem by tucking myself into his side, and resting my head on his shoulder.

He was so warm, and my God, his smell! His cologne was intoxicating, but it couldn't cover his natural musky male scent. I couldn't put my finger on why his smell was speaking to me on such a deep level, but I could sit here all day like this, breathing him in. Though that might not exactly be an appropriate use of my time.

He rested his cheek on my head, and I could feel him settle into me, just as much as I had melted into his side moments earlier. I felt totally content, and I didn't want to let go, but we had a shift to start. I didn't want to let go, and I grasped onto him for as long as possible, not even letting go of his hand after he had helped me up. I didn't want this feeling to go away.

He really didn't know what he did today meant to me, what his simple presence had did for me, and he would think I was crazy if I told him. I had tried to leave before I could start blubbering again, but there was a pull towards Edward that I couldn't deny, I just wanted to feel him again. So I ran up to where I had left him, and hugged him with all my strength, taking in the feeling of his body against mine. I bolted before he could even react, just sputtering out "I'm glad you're my friend", before I made it through the door.

I didn't stop moving until I made it to the travel section, a favourite hide out of mine at the store. I would usually go there when I felt stressed or if I had a bad day. I would go there and flip through all the travel books, looking at all the places I could probably never afford to go to, making up imaginary trips, the most recent one being a backpacking trip across Eastern Europe in which I planned to visit Vlad the Impaler's aka Dracula's castle, in Romania.

But I didn't stop to look at the books this time, I only stopped when I got to the furthest corner of the section, crouching down into a ball and holding my head in hands. I was panicking. A stupid, ridiculous reaction to be having right now. I had wanted to touch Edward, I wanted him to touch me. But I couldn't get over this overwhelming feeling that me needing him like this would only fuck things up. My life was pretty fucking complicated already, and adding on my inappropriate need for Edward was only making things worse.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: My beta is away on vacation, so any mistakes are my fault. I tried hard to edit them all out myself, so please don't hate me if you find some. **

**Anything Twilight related belongs to Stephanie Meyer, not me. I own all of Bella's problems and clumsyward.  
**

**Chapter 4 **

**EPOV**

I didn't see much of Bella after the weird hug-and-run she did in the break room, even though I did keep a look out for her as I was restocking a few shelves. Much like yesterday, there wasn't much to do once I was finished with that, so I resumed my pacing of the aisles, and whenever Betty or some customer walked by, I would try and make myself look busy, rearranging books that didn't need to be rearranged.

Not being busy was not good for me; it meant that I could never got Bella out of my mind. I had figured out a few things about her, like she wasn't used to other people taking care of her, and that there was something that was haunting her in her dreams, something that caused her so much pain and fear. But that just led to even more unanswered questions about Bella. Why was she having these dreams? Did she have them often, and what were her dreams about? I especially wanted to know the answer to the last one, and I really wanted to know why she had dreamt of me. Don't even get me started on the questions I had for myself, and what I was going to do about what was developing between myself and Bella.

All in all, I was pretty fucking confused with myself at the moment.

I let out a heavy sigh, and continued to pace, looking around for the possible hiding places that Bella could be. I was acting all ninja like, jumping around corners in order to possibly surprise her (I know, I'm 12), but she was never there. She was either more of a stealth ninja then I was, or she was completely bullshitting me about the whole watching me thing. I would like to think the latter was true, but most likely, knowing me, the former was probably the true possibility.

I was relieved when I could finally go on my lunch break, and I could get out of the god forsaken romance section, and I was pretty eager to see if Bella would be in the break room again, but when I got there, there wasn't any sign of her. I stupidly realised then that she probably wouldn't have the same lunch break as I would, and I swiftly made my way out of the store, heading over to a small pizza shop across the street.

I was just settling down to eat my face sized piece of pepperoni pizza, when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I reached for it, and frowned when I saw the text that my brother had just sent me.

_So guess what a little birdie told me? - Em-dog._ Why Emmett decided that calling himself "Em-dog" was either cool or appropriate was beyond me. I really tried to not to question anything Emmett did anymore.

I sighed. Of course Alice couldn't keep her mouth shut.

Let me guess, this little birdie has black hair and is related to us. -E. I took a gigantic bite of my pizza while I waited for Emmett to text me back. Since I was only part-time, my lunch wasn't that long, so I really didn't have much time other then eat and run.

_You're right on the 2nd part, though she has light brown hair… - Em-Dog_

Fuck! My parents knew about my job! I didn't even think to warn Alice about not telling them. Damn it, damn it, damn it! I knew what was going to come now; I would get a call from them sooner rather then later, and they would try to get me to come home for the summer, which now that I had met Bella there was no way I was doing that, and they would try to give me money, probably more then any normal twenty-one year old would need. I would also vehemently refuse that, and then we would get into a huge argument, one that we have had many times before, and would end with one of us (most likely me) hanging up on them.

I always felt horribly guilty asking them for money, even though they had always been more the willing to help me out. I let them help pay for my tuition, since even a part-time job would not make a dent in that expense, but nothing more. I didn't want my parents to help me out and I didn't want to be one of those trust fund kids that never worked a day in their life for anything. I wanted something for my own, built for myself, and not on my family's legacy. Maybe I was being bratty and irrational, but couldn't I have this one piece of rebellion?

_Dude, you still alive over there?_ Emmett messaged me after I hadn't answered him back.

_Yeah, I'm just plotting ways to end Alice's life. -E._

_Aw, don't be so hard on her. Unlike SOME people, she actually lets her family know what's happening in her life. -Em-Dog. _

_I let you guys know about my life._ I wrote back, knowing that me not telling them I had a summer job was basically negating my statement in the first place. I could visualize him rolling his eyes at me. Emmett could be an idiot sometimes, but that didn't mean he was stupid.

_Yeah, right. What's the big deal anyways? It's just a job. It's not like you have a drug problem or something_, he answered quickly. I really hope he wasn't actually wondering if I did have a drug problem now. He should really know better then that.

_I don't know, Em. I just want to keep some stuff to myself, you know? - E. _

_Shouldn't have told Alice then. -Em-dog._ No shit, Sherlock.

I wiped my face for any sauce residue, and rubbed my face with my hands before I messaged Emmett back.

_Yeah, I figured that out now. - E._ I messaged him before telling him I had to go back to work, to which he promptly responded that he was seriously considering flying down from Seattle just to see me in my uniform. I rolled my eyes at my phone.

Once I got back to work there was still no sign of Bella, but some punk did manage to mess up my section while I was gone, and I was grumbling to myself as cleaned up the books that were scattered around.

Yes, I do realize I used the word "punk" and that it makes me sound like a senior citizen. Maybe I was finally turning into the old man my name suggests.

Anyways, I was cleaning up the major fuck job that was created in my absence, when I heard a woman's voice unnecessarily close to me, and it was definitely not the voice I wanted to hear. No, this woman had very strong, nasal voice. Her voice was what I could only describe as akin to nail's on a chalkboard, or maybe some dying animal.

I shuddered and turned around slowly to find a woman who was in her late forties/early fifties, clad in tight jeans, a very low cut leopard print tank top, and her hair was so teased and bleached, I wondered how any head of hair could actually survive that kind of damage. Lets not forget that she was blatantly trying to eye fuck me as soon as I looked at her.

"What can I help you with, m'am?" I said, shifting uncomfortably so she would be out of my personal space. That didn't do any good, because she just came closer.

"Hmmm, well I'm looking for something to you know, _spice up the love life_, if you know what I mean." She said, lifting her eyebrows suggestively. I leaned back from with a gulp, and told her that we have a great selection of romance novels, and that I was sure we could find something she liked. She followed me down the aisle while I pulled out random books that I thought she would like, and I couldn't help feeling that she was staring at my ass the whole time.

Now, normally I wouldn't be that freaked out about that kind of attention, and I had even enjoyed it when I had caught Bella doing it yesterday, but this was just plain creepy. I mean, this woman was probably old enough to be my mother!

When I would show her a book, she would glance over it briefly, and then dismiss it, saying that it wasn't quite what she was looking for. I was starting to sweat and get really uncomfortable, but I didn't know what to do. She was a customer, so I didn't want to be rude, and I couldn't push her or something, so I just kind of lived with it and prayed that she would find whatever she was looking for and leave.

I took her to the end corner of the aisle, where the particularly dirty novels were, and I quickly found out that was the complete wrong thing to do, because within a minutes, I was trapped by the cougar.

I had been picking up a couple books from the shelf, stuttering out that these one's were pretty good, and we're pretty erotic, even though I had no idea if that was true or not, when I felt her grab my side. I flinched and turned around so my back was against the stacks, effectively trapping myself between her and the bookshelf.

I don't know if she took my fear as a signal that I liked what she was doing, or if she just didn't care, but she flushed herself against me and licked her lips.

Oh God, this was not happening. I could feel my self blushing and I really wanted to get her away from me, but I was like a deer in the headlights; I was frozen in fear.

"I think you know what I need-," The cougar said, trying to sound sultry but sounding more like a strangled cat. " - what's your name again?" She asked, even though I had never told her.

"Edward." I stuttered. What the hell? Why did I tell her my real name? WHY?

"Hmmm, Edward. I like the sound of that. It sounds, strong." She said, then further scarred me for life by rubbing her hands down my arms and pressed herself into my crotch. I tried to tell her this was inappropriate (the polite way of telling her get the fuck off me) but there were no sounds coming out of my mouth.

I quickly glanced away from her and saw Betty coming past the entry to the aisle. Praise whatever God there is, because she glanced my way. I saw her eyes narrow, and I mouthed "help me" to her, hoping that she would get that I was attacked by this woman, and not that I was feeling her up.

"What's going on here?" I heard Betty ask, and the cougar jumped away from me, clearly embarrassed to be caught like that. I nearly ran to Betty, making sure I was as far away from the cougar as I could be. I started talking before she could, finally able to get my words back, and looked pointedly at the woman.

"I was trying to find a book for this woman, but I wasn't having any luck finding her exactly what she needed." The woman blushed, and looked down. So now she was embarrassed?

"Hmm, well maybe I will be able to help you. Edward, why don't you see if they need any help in stock room?" Betty said, effectively allowing my escape immediately.

"Uh, yeah. Of course." I said, before bolting without even a look behind me.

I pretty much hid in the stock room for the next fifteen minutes while the stock boys either ignored me or watched me with amusement, until Betty finally came to find me.

"Oh my God, thank you. Thank you so much. I don't know what happened, I was helping her, and then she was on me, and I didn't know what to do…." I trailed off when I saw one of the guys give me the thumbs up from behind Betty. I frowned at him.

"It's alright, Edward. I've had to deal with her before. Though I've never seen her back someone into a corner like that." Betty said, trying to hide a smile. Oh great, she thought this was funny. How else could this get anymore embarrassing?

"You know, you could have just told her to move and leave the store."

"I thought it would be rude." I answered truthfully.

"Well, if it happens again, just tell her to back off or you'll call security, alright?" She told me, and I nodded. I didn't even know we had security.

"Now get back to work." I hesitated, and this time Betty broke out into a full grin. "Don't worry, she won't be coming back." She chuckled and went back to the floor. I blushed, not sure if I was more embarrassed that I got trapped by a middle aged woman who felt me up, or getting saved by my boss, who also happened to be a middle-aged, rather tiny, woman. Emmett would have a field day with this one if he ever found out.

Once I got back to my section and had triple checked that the over-eager cougar had indeed left, I was able to calm down significantly, though I did shudder a few times when I thought what could have happened if Betty hadn't shown up. I felt really stupid and embarrassed for not being able to get her away from me myself, and felt even more stupid from fearing her even now.

I finished cleaning up the mess that I had be interrupted from earlier, and resumed my pacing, praying to God I wouldn't have anymore cougar attacks today. Once in a while I would stop and lean against a shelf, pinching the bridge of my nose with my forefinger and thumb, already stressed by the day.

"Had a bad day?" I jumped again, not hearing Bella approach me again. She really was a stealth ninja.

"Jesus," I said in surprise. "how do you do that ?"

"Do what?" She looked at me, perplexed. _Like she didn't know._

"Appear out of thin air."

She rolled her eyes at me before she spoke. "Edward, its not my fault you're exceptionally unobservant." I frowned, I was actually pretty observant most of the time; it was disconcerting that Bella was rendering me this way.

"Yeah, you could say I'm having a bad day," I said. " is there a reason you came here, Bella?" I snapped. I saw Bella's face fall and I immediately regretted saying it, her face reminded me of this morning when she was dreaming. I looked down at my feet.

"I Just wanted to see how you were doing…. and apologize." Bella said calmly, and my eyes shot up.

"What would you have to apologize for?" I asked, incredulous. I tried to think back at anything she had did earlier today that would make her think that she needed to apologize to me. I came up with nothing.

"I wanted to apologize for hugging you….and then running away." she said, and I saw her face flush with embarrassment. "I don't usually do that sort of thing, and I know we've only known each other for a couple days now…." she trailed off, not sure what to say. I almost laughed. She felt bad for hugging me? Yeah, her running away from me afterwards was a bit weird, but the hug was probably one of the bright spots in my day. I could even remember the feel of her small body pressed against mine, she had felt so right there, like she was born to fit my shape perfectly. I ached touch her even now.

"You don't need to feel bad, Bella. I mean, isn't that what friends do?" I said, moving a couple inches closer. I couldn't help it, she was like a magnet to me. She dropped her eyes and stared at the Books and Things logo that was stitched over my shirt pocket, avoiding my eyes.

"It's just I don't normally do that. Like, ever." Bella said, turning a darker shade of red.

"What?" I asked, confused. "You don't ever hug people?" Bella shook her head.

Wow, so today I was the exception to that rule? It now even more amazed me that she did it in the first place.

"Why?" I asked, because of course, I wanted to know everything about this beautiful, complex woman.

"It's….complicated." She shrugged, and I put my finger under her chin so I could get her to look at me. When her eyes finally did meet mine, and they were the same deep pools of chocolate brown that had entranced me yesterday.

"I think I can keep up," I said earnestly as I looked into her eyes. I wanted to convey to her that she could trust me with her secrets. She sighed and moved away from my hand and put her hands through her hair. I stayed unmoving, looking at her face. Her face was all scrunched up like it had been when she was dreaming, like she debating something.

After a long minute, I was beginning to think that she wasn't going to answer me, but she breathed out a heavy sigh and leaned against a bookshelf.

"I sort of have these trust issues, and it's usually really hard for me to touch people, or for them to touch me, without me getting all uncomfortable and anxious."

"So you try to avoid touching people at all costs. "I surmised, though I was confused. Bella had touched me several times in the past two days and had never looked uncomfortable. I also felt really bad about touching her face this morning, it was so stupid for me to do that. If I would have known….

"Kind of," she said, interrupting me from my reverie. " I do okay with shaking hands and other "normal" stuff, but for some reason giving people hugs really bother me."

"So what do you do in a romantic situation?" Oh god, did I just ask whether she was able to be romantically involved with someone? Good job not trying to not be awkward, Cullen.

"You mean, how am I able to have a sexual relationship?" She said, her eyebrows raising and her voice daring me to say something that would make me want to further dig a hole in which I could crawl into.

"Umm…" was all I got out before she answered me with a laugh.

"Believe me, I am okay with that. Sex doesn't bother me, I don't really know why, but it just comes easy to me. Though don't try to cuddle with me afterward," She shrugged. This was not a good thing for me to know right now. Knowing that sex came "easy" to her was filling me with some very inappropriate images in my head, and it probably meant I would be spending some quality time with "little Eddie" later this evening. I gulped and really hoped she didn't notice me shift my pants.

"Oh." I said, feeling embarrassed for the thousandth time today. "Well, if you don't like giving people hugs, you don't have to. I mean with me, if it makes you uncomfortable, I'll understand." I was rambling again.

"No!" Bella said, almost yelling. She bit her lip and then came closer to me again, so close, that I could feel her breath on me. Strawberries. Her breath smelled like freshly grown strawberries. I wondered idly of her mouth would also taste like strawberries… Again, thinking about tasting Bella's mouth was not the best idea right now.

"It's okay. I didn't have a problem hugging you, I actually wanted to." She said, with the last part almost a whisper, almost if she mostly telling herself that.

She looked at me and could tell I was confused, and she continued. "You make me feel…comfortable. I hugged you because you did something incredibly nice for me, and I wanted to show you how grateful I was that you're my friend." Bella said with conviction. My heart soared, she liked being by me, and she was able to do something with me that she couldn't do with anyone else. Maybe winning over Bella wouldn't be as hard as I thought.

"I'm glad I make you feel comfortable then. And, if you want you can practice anytime on me." I said, unconsciously ducking my head down toward her face. Bella had her eyes lowered but I could see her lick her lips, and I just went in for it. First slowly leaning my forehead on hers, and then brushing my nose with hers. Her breath hitched, and mine did in return; I could actually taste the strawberries on her breath now.

I was just mere centimeters away from touching her lips when she turned her head. I leaned back on the bookshelf disappointed and defeated, though I really tried not to let the disappointment show on my face.

"I'm sorry," Bella whispered, looking away from me.

"I should be the one that's sorry." I said, not looking at her either, and instead looking at my shoelaces.

"No, you shouldn't. It's my fault. I'm just really fucked up, and everything is just so incredibly complicated when it comes to me. I really need you as a friend, and I don't know what I'd do if I ruined that." Bella said, and I looked back up at her. What I saw there broke me, her face was full of pain, and tears threatened to leave her eyes. I never wanted to be the once to cause her pain, even if it meant that I had to hurt myself in order to do it. It had hurt when Bella had not allowed me to kiss her, but I would take that a million times over so I wouldn't hurt her like that ever again.

"Bella," I called softly, but she just shook her head and I could see her chest heaving; she was dangerously close to sobbing. I called her name again, but I ignored her protests this time, and wrapped my arms around her so that she was now enveloped in my tight embrace. Her sobs broke out and she leaned her head into my chest.

"Shh, Bella. It's okay. You're not going to lose me." I said soothingly, rubbing my hands on her back. She felt so safe there in my arms, like I could shield the world from her while she was there. I wanted to keep her there forever if that meant I could protect her. If what Bella needed was a friend right now, then that's what I'd be, no matter how much it killed me to do it.

"You have to listen to me okay? You are not going to lose me as a friend, and you don't have to beat yourself up about it. If you need me, I'll be there." She looked up at me then and I could see the tears that trailed down her cheeks, and it took everything in me not to reach my hand up and wipe them away. I could tell she was about to object, but she stopped herself and searched for something in my eyes.

"Really?" She asked, and Bella seemed like she had little hope in her. I wondered what would make her feel that way, and I desperately wanted to be the one to give her hope again.

"Really." I smiled back at her, and she returned it with a small smile of her own. I felt her sigh in my arms and then she moved to break away from my embrace. Even though I'd wished that she would stay there, preferably for the rest of eternity, I'd let her go so she wouldn't feel uncomfortable again.

"Thank you." Bella said quietly.

"No problem." I smiled crookedly to let her know that it really wasn't a problem. Bella flushed, and smiled as well. Ah, I forgotten how much that smile disarmed her.

I was about to say something when Bella looked down at her watch, and her face became relieved.

"Well, it seems my little breakdown killed the rest of our shift." Bella said with a laugh. It was a shaky one, but I was glad to hear it.

"Oh," I said. "I guess that means I will have to talk to my parents all the more sooner."

"I take it you don't really want to talk them."

"Not particularly, no." I answered as we walked to the break room to clock out. We were pretty much silent after that, and like yesterday, we had this weird tension floating between us. Also like yesterday, we both seemed to have a hard time leaving each other. I could offer to walk her home again, but I had feeling that she would probably refuse. That might be pushing the boundaries of "friend", and if that made her uncomfortable, I wouldn't do it.

"I'll see you tomorrow Bella."

Bella bit her lip, and nodded. "Tomorrow."

I turned unwillingly to walk away, but Bella called for me and I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Can I call you tonight?" She asked, hope colouring her voice.

I turned back towards her and smiled. "Of course, Bella. Though I may be a bit surly after I talk to my parents, so watch out." Bella giggled and I was so incredibly glad to hear that sound again.

"I think I can handle surly Edward." She said, amused. "Talk to you later, Cullen."

"Will do, Swan." I said smiling and walking backwards. I should have known that with my luck that doing that would be the wrong thing to do, because I ended up falling over a box that had been left out on the street, and landed on my ass. I looked up and over to Bella, and the look on my face must have been hilarious, because Bella was now doubled over in laughter.

Well, at least I could make her laugh.

**BPOV**

I was a horrible person. An horrible, awful, and exceedingly stupid person.

I had first hugged my incredibly attractive, and nice co-worker, while then proceeding to run away from him and have a break down in the middle of the store. Then, once I had finally got the courage to talk to Edward again, I ended up telling him a part of my miserable life, and then breaking down again. Oh yeah, and I had almost let him kiss me.

After I had my panic attack in the travel section, I had told myself that I could not get closer to Edward, that I was already in too deep and way too attracted to him, and that could make the relationship dangerous for the both of us. He would be my friendly co-worker that I would joke around with at work, but that would be it. No more semi-flirty texts, and definitely no more spontaneous hugs.

When I finally went to go see him, I had resolved to just be light and joking, and not bring up the awkwardness from earlier. But when I saw him standing there, leaning against the bookshelf with his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, I was pulled towards him, almost like a gravity was making me go to him.

He looked like he was stressed, so I wasn't surprised that I had scared him again, and really wasn't surprised that he snapped at me. Though the lack of surprise didn't help me from not feeling awful, I wanted to make him feel better, not make him feel worse. I noticed that he blushed when he looked at my face, and I could tell her was about to apologize, but I spoke first.

"I Just wanted to see how you were doing… and apologize." I said calmly. I was still resolved to have a normal co-worker relationship with Edward. Little did I know that my resolve would easily crumble.

His eyes shot up, and when he spoke, he sounded almost angry.

"What would you have to apologize for?" His eyes looked confusingly at me.

"I wanted to apologize for hugging you, and then running away. I don't usually do that sort of thing, and I know we've only known each other for a couple days now…" I said.

He told me that it was alright and I didn't need to apologize. I quickly found that I was being affected by word vomit and I told him that I had issues with hugging people, or rather touching people for that matter, and he looked both surprised and confused. He wanted to know more, and I told him it was complicated; he didn't need to know my fucked up world, if he did, it would surely scare him away, like everyone else.

Edward pressed the subject though, and as I looked into his eyes, I felt that I could trust him to not judge me for this, and I got an overwhelming feeling of wanting to tell him about me. It must have been that wave of comfort I felt whenever I was in his presence, it made me feel alright with sharing just a bit of my dark secrets.

So I told him about my messed up issues with touching people, and I laughed when he asked if I could be "romantically" involved with someone. Of course a man would be interested in that capability. His face had this weird expression as I told I didn't really have a problem sexually being with someone, and then I felt super embarrassed by telling him all that, wondering what he thinking about now that he had this information. Maybe I didn't want to know.

Edward told me that it was okay if I didn't like hugging him, that I didn't have to. I was struck by how genuine he was, and how he again was only looking out for me.

I panicked though, because the thought of never touching Edward again was maddening; I couldn't and wouldn't do it. I knew then that my original idea that Edward could be just a normal co-worker to me was stupid. I needed him, and I knew that I could never escape this magnetic pull that we had between us. Edward had firmly attached himself in my life in last two days, and now I had no intention of letting him go.

It was sort of an unconscious thing, we had become closer and closer to one another during our conversation, and before I knew it, I was close enough to feel Edwards warm breath on my face. I told him that I wanted to hug him, that I liked it, even. Edward's voice was low and very hypnotic as he told me that I could "practice" on him I could feel him inch closer to my face. My heart fluttered and my breath hitched as I felt him first lean his forehead against mine, and then my heart almost exploded when I felt his nose graze mine. It was indescribable how I felt in that moment. My head was telling me _No! Don't let this happen_!, but my body, oh my body, was aching to feel his lips against mine. I could imagine his warm lips melting into them. I knew they would, just like we had already fit together so well when I was tucked into his side and when I had latched myself around him in that embarrassing hug.

I wanted to kiss him so badly, and I almost let him, turning only when his lips were just hovering over mine. I just couldn't do it. Despite how much my body, and even my heart wanted to, I couldn't. I needed to protect myself, but more importantly I needed to protect Edward. I would inevitably hurt him, and I couldn't live with myself if I did. The women in my family only brought pain to the ones they cared about the most, crushed them even, and I would let no one, even myself, to do that to him; he was far too precious for that to happen. Our relationship could never escalate, and if I had let him kiss me, it would have. I knew that for sure.

That didn't mean that pulling away from him didn't hurt; it hurt me in ways I had never felt before, but it was necessary. When I looked at Edward, the hurt on Edward's face was clearly visible, though I could tell he was very much trying to hide it. I hated myself for hurting him like that.

I couldn't help it, I had my second breakdown of the day. _Well if he didn't think you were a loony before, he sure will now,_ I thought bitterly to myself.

"I'm sorry." I whispered quietly, looking away from him; I didn't want him to see the tears in my eyes.

"I should be the one that's sorry." he said, looking down at the floor. He felt embarrassed for doing what he did, and I couldn't let him feel that way.

"No, you shouldn't. It's my fault. I'm just really fucked up, and everything is just so incredibly complicated when it comes to me. I really need you as a friend, and I don't know what I'd do if I ruined that." I said earnestly. The tears began to overflow then, and when Edward look back up at me, his face was contorted in pain.

_See, you're doing it again! It's impossible, whatever you do just hurts him. Get out now! Save him, save yourself,_ my head told me. I was definitely going into the "flight" part of my "fight or flight" mechanism.

"Bella," he called softly, and I shook my head. I was getting very close to sobbing and I didn't want him to see that. He called my name again, and I still refused to look at him. I wanted to escape out of there but I couldn't move. I was frozen in my spot with my arms wrapped protectively around chest.

Suddenly, I felt warm and strong arms wrap around of me, and I was crushed to Edward's chest. I let it go then, and sobbed uncontrollably into his chest, most likely staining his uniform with my tears.

"Shh, Bella. It's okay. You're not going to lose me." he said as he tried to soothe me by rubbing his hands on my back. I really didn't understand why he was doing this. I had just rejected him, and now he was comforting me? _I really am an awful person, I thought_, and that only made the sobs come harder.

"You have to listen to me okay? You are not going to lose me as a friend, and you don't have to beat yourself up about it. If you need me, I'll be there." There was such conviction his is voice that I had to look at him them. His blue eyes were serious, and there was something else behind them that I couldn't quite figure out. I was going to tell him that he didn't need to do that, but I stopped myself. He had really meant it, and I truthfully could not bring myself to tell him that I didn't need him, because I did need him.

"Really?" I asked, though I didn't want to get my hopes up. Or at least more then they already were.

"Really." he smiled back at me, and I was able to give him a small, watery smile back. It was amazing how easily Edward could make me feel better. I sighed, wanting to stay in his arms forever, but I knew I couldn't, so I regrettably extracted myself from his tight hold on me.

"Thank you." I said quietly.

"No problem." he said, and he smiled crookedly at me, causing me to flush and smile nervously. Whoa. How did he do that? I wondered idly if he unleashed that half smile on all woman, and if they were rendered just as speechless as I was at the moment.

I looked down at my watch since I wasn't able to form coherent words yet, and I noticed it was already five o'clock.

"Well, it seems my little breakdown killed the rest of our shift." I said, trying to make fun of myself. It was my default coping mechanism.

"Oh, I guess that means I will have to talk to my parents all the more sooner." He said with a grimace.

"I take it you don't really want to talk them." I noted. I wanted to tell at least he had parents to talk to, but I rejected that idea. I didn't know what his relationship was like with his parents, and it was not my place to give him my opinion.

"Not particularly, no." He answered with a sigh as we walked together towards the breakroom. We stayed in a mutual silence as we clocked out and walked through the store, neither of us not knowing what to say. When we got outside of the store, I scrambled to find ways to prolong the time before we separated, however I was coming up with nothing.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Bella." Edward said first, and he sounded regretful, like he didn't want to leave either. I felt a little spark of joy and I was glad he felt some attachment to me as well.

I bit my lip and nodded. "Tomorrow."

I watched him turn to walk away and I blurted out his name in order to stop him.

"Can I call you tonight?" I asked. I wanted to know if we were really good in terms of our friendship. His phone call last night had made my nightmares almost bearable, and I definitely didn't want to lose that.

He turned quickly back to me, and he smiled at me. "Of course, Bella. Though I may be a bit surly after I talk to my parents, so watch out."

I giggled at his tone, and I watched his smile grow even brighter.

"I think I can handle surly Edward." I said, amused. "Talk to you later, Cullen."

"Will do, Swan." He said, and I watched him walk backwards with a cocky-grin on his face.

Now, I know I really should have warned him, but his cocky smile let me decide otherwise, and I watched with amusement as Edward toppled over a box that been left in the street. If that wasn't' funny enough, Edwards bewildered expression pushed me over the edge, and I was now clutching onto a mail box for support as my body rocked with laughter. Edward pouted and I laughed even more, before running over to help him up. He narrowed his eyes in offense as I offered my hand, still laughing, and he took it with a huff.

Once he was upright, he let go of my hand to brush himself off. I, on the other hand, was still vibrating with laughter, though I was trying to keep it in.

"Great. Now that I have thoroughly embarrassed my self enough today, I'm going to go home before a piano falls on me or something." Edward said, walking forwards this time to walk away from me. I let another laugh escape, and he turned once again to give me the finger, but he had a smile on his face as he did it, so I knew he wasn't actually mad at me for laughing at him. Well, not too much at least. I rolled my eyes and laughed again before turning myself, and made my way to the subway.

I felt exhausted once I got home, and I laid down on my bed without even bothering to take my uniform off. I was so tired that when my head hit the pillow, I passed out.

I was here again.

The sun was beating down heavily and its rays seemed too bright for my eyes. I began to feel the familiar panic that rose in my chest, and my hands became clammy. I started to run, trying to desperately get to my destination as fast as possible, but my running was frustratingly slow; it felt like I was running through quick sand.

The dry heat of my former home stifled me, making my lungs feel heavy and made it almost impossible to catch my breath, but I pushed as hard as I could force my body to go. I would not be too late. I would be faster this time, and I would not see the scene that had constantly replayed in my head for the last decade.

I pushed harder, and I felt the air escape my lungs as I saw the familiar house come into sight. It looked peaceful, bright. The house was light, with friendly yellow shutters, and there were a couple flowers growing out of the window boxes. Even the cactus in the front yard looked friendly, with one of its prickly arms bent up in a way that looked like it was at waving me.

This house was not one that you would usually associate with terror, or with darkness. But that's all this home ever was to me. I had learned very early in life that appearances are very different then they seem.

I ran faster, trying to get purchase from the concrete, but unable to do so, coming up the walkway like I was in slow motion. I did finally get to the door, and my fingers trembled around the knob. Please let it not be too late, I prayed, though I don't know who to. It was clear that no God was ever going to help me.

I pushed on the door and it felt incredibly heavy; I had to shove my shoulder into it in order to get through. All I saw was blackness, and I expected that. It was the scene on the other side that I feared. I heaved a deep breath and ran into the darkness, fully ready to continue running, as I always did, but I stopped dead in my tracks.

I was not in my house anymore. Through the door and through the blackness was not the expected scene. Instead of a small table and a mirror by the door, there were ferns. There was no hallway, no living room that I barely glanced at anymore. In there place was trees and lush, green foliage. The air around me was cool, and the there was a little light filtering through the tree's. It looked like the light was giving way to the darkness, though there were still some hints of the day. It was twilight.

I wandered through the ferns and wet grass, not really sure what to do with myself here. I briefly remembered that there had been a reason why I was running, and that this place was not the place that I had wanted to go, but I couldn't make myself want to go back, and I just kept wandering through the tall grass as the light slowly crept away.

I had been walking for what seemed like forever when I saw a faint, silver glow from a break in the tree's, and I became entranced by it. I moved quicker, pushing branches and saplings out the way. I needed to get towards the light, but it was not like the need I had felt before, this need was not out of fear, but it was out eagerness, because I knew that if I got to the light, everything would be okay.

When I reached the gap, I noticed that it led to a small and beautiful meadow. There were wildflowers growing in bunches and the grass rippled like water in the breeze. I searched the meadow for where my light had been coming from, and I gasped as I found it. Edward was leaning against a spruce tree, wearing a blue button down and light grey pea coat. He was smiling at me and he beckoned me to come to him with his hand, his skin faintly glowing in the moonlight that now filtered through the tree's.

I went to him and he gave me a crooked smile, and even in my dream state, it completely took my breath away. Once I had reached him, he took my hand and motioned for me to sit down, never letting go of my hand as I took my seat, and then sat down beside me.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting for you." Edward murmured, his eyes hypnotic as he stared at my face.

"Sorry, I couldn't find my way…." I said, getting completely lost in his eyes. Edward laughed and he moved his hand to trail his hand down my face, and I shivered as he ran a smooth finger over my lips. I parted my lips and Edward chuckled.

"Don't worry about it, Bella." Edward said, this time tracing circles on my cheeks with one hand, and lifting his hand to my hair with the other. "It happens to be that I'm a very patient person." His eyes were bright and he smiled. My heart soared it was so heartbreakingly beautiful.

"Good." Was all I said, and I felt him move to lean us back on the grass, so that we were both now lying on our backs, but our faces still faced one another, his hand never leaving my face as we moved. I felt his other arm snake around my waist and pull me closer, so that we were only inches apart.

We laid in silence for the most part, just gazing into each others eyes, and Edward's hand moving in slow movements from my face to my hair.

Somewhere I got the courage to move my hand to touch his face, and I was amazed about how smooth it was. I traced over his eyebrows, lightly touching the thin skin of his eyelid, and then traced down the line of his nose. When my finger grazed over his lips, Edward stilled my hand in order to kiss my fingers. I shivered again from the feeling.

"Edward?" I asked after a few more moments had passed.

"Bella?" Edward teased, and I laughed before getting all serious again.

"Can you promise me something?"

"Anything." He said without hesitation. I looked down and played with the buttons of his coat, suddenly embarrassed to ask him what I wanted.

"Stay with me."

He used his finger to push my chin up to look at him, and then he used the same hand to wipe my face, coming away with moisture. It took me a moment to realize that I was crying. Oh jeez, could I get through any moment with Edward and not cry?

"I'm here, you're alright."

"Promise me. Promise me you'll stay." I whimpered, and I watched as Edward's eyes become sad, and then full fire.

"I promise you, Bella. I'm not going anywhere," He said in tone with such fervour that I knew I could believe him. I was filled with such joy and warmth, content to just stay like this forever. I tucked my head under Edward's chin and allowed my arms wrap around him, bringing myself as close to him as I could. Edward breathed into my hair, and I felt his arms tighten around me.

"Sleep now, Bella. Have happy dreams." Edward murmured into my hair and I sighed in contentment; I already was having a happy dream.

"Okay." I mumbled, and I felt his chest vibrate with laughter. Edward's fingers again found my chin and he lifted it up to look into my eyes.

"Goodnight Bella." Edward said softly before giving me a very soft and tender kiss to my forehead. I felt my blood boil under my skin at his touch and I moved my head up so I could meet his lips.

I was so close that I could feel the heat radiating off of his lips and my body was eagerly awaiting his kiss when my eyes bolted open.

I was no longer in the meadow. I was back in my bedroom still clad in my Books and Things uniform. I jolted my hand to my forehead, feeling for the moisture of the kiss I knew I had felt. There was none, but I swear I could feel the phantom touch still lingering on my skin.

Holy fuck, I thought as realization hit me. It had been different. Every time the same thing had happened, I knew the situation off by heart now, but this time it was different. So fucking different. And I knew why that was. The answer was right there in my dream.

Edward.

**A/N:I hope you're all happy that I finally let you guys see what Bella dreams about. I swear I'll let you guys no more soon.  
**

**Here are some great albums that I have been listening to for inspiration when writing.  
**

**- April by Sun Kil moon**

**- Down the Way by Angus and Julia Stone  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: My beta is away still, so again all the mistakes are mine. I also will be away for a couple weeks on vacation, so there won't be an update until after August 13th. **

**All things Twilight related is owned by Stephanie Meyer, not me. I just like to make Bella angsty.**

**Chapter 5 **

**BPOV**

I was sitting on my bed and I was still in shock. My nightmare had not only varied for the first time since I was nine, it had completely done a one-eighty. It took me from the trapping sun and heat of my first home in Phoenix, to the cool safety of Forks, stopping my nightmare before its gruesome conclusion, and replacing it with a beautiful dream.

My hands kept roaming over the places I swear I felt him touch, my jaw, my cheeks, my lips, my forehead, and I became disappointed as I of course felt no lingering heat there. In the places where our bodies had touched, there was an odd vacancy to it, it almost hurt to lose the closeness we had, despite the fact it didn't actually happen. For the first time in years, I wished I was asleep again.

What I couldn't get over was that it had all felt so _real. _My nightmares had always felt very real, but never my good dreams. I could even remember the soft skin that I had felt on Edward's face with my fingers, and I wanted try it out in person as soon as possible so I could compare the dream to reality, though I doubted that it could be as magical as my dream.

I was so amazed that this could happen, and I was in awe that Edward's presence in my life the last couple days had the ability to make me feel the way I did, in both real life and in my dreams. _You can't let go of this one, _my own brain selfishly thought. I had already felt Edward act as a soothing balm to my fears and anxiety's, and if his presence in my life had the ability to edit my nightmares, then it was very tempting not to let Edward go, ever.

But what would we be then? Would we be just friends as he had promised? Or would I let it get further? I had wanted to kiss him in the store, I had even initiated it in my dream, and I knew it would be easy to give in,

but I couldn't. I had to keep him out of that, out of that part of my life. He wasn't a Mike, and he wasn't a Tyler; he was not someone I would be able to separate the sexual and the emotional, and for my survival, that was completely necessary_. _

_It would be disastrous if I ever fell in l_…fuck, I couldn't even think the word, _if I ever cared for him too much_… I shook my head. No, that couldn't happen. I would hurt, he would hurt, and he would leave. Leave just like my dad did, two fucking days after my seventh birthday. My mother pushed him away with her love, and if there was one thing I knew, I knew how much love gave someone the power to break you.

Edward and I being together would only lead to two possibilities: Edward could one day leave, and that would strike the final nail in coffin that housed my sanity, or I could hurt him. Hurt him so badly that I would taint his beautiful, precious soul, and that would hurt me far more then anything else he could ever do to me. He deserved so much better then that.

So Edward and I would be friends, great ones even, which I know we would be, as I was already getting closer to him then I was to even Rose or Jasper, but he couldn't not love me, or I him, and that would always have to be off the table for us. I sucked in a ragged breath and was surprised by how much that thought actually hurt me, and I got up before I could cry once more today.

I ripped off my uniform in quick movements and headed to my bathroom to shower, not even bothering to throw on a robe or anything. I lived alone and I doubted that someone paid that close attention to me. I turned the knob on my shower until it was the perfect temperature, and hopped in without a glance at my reflection in the mirror this time.

I scrubbed my body mechanically, scrubbing harder in some areas, and barely going over others. For example, the long, thin scars that were scattered across my back from where _his _belt cut into me, I always avoided. I was always afraid they would rip open if I touched them, even though they were over a decade old now.

I really wanted to know what my mother was thinking when she invited that man into our house, but who really knew what my mother was thinking in any decision she had made. She had just always given into what her emotions told her to do, usually never thinking of the consequences. That's what happened with _him_, one day it was just me and her, and the next day I find a strange, and vile man in my kitchen. He probably promised her the "stars and the moon", or maybe just a good time, either way she fell for it, and I of course paid the price for her decision.

I forced my eyes shut as images flashed across my vision. _His hands_ grabbing me as I tried to run away, the glint of the buckle as _he _raisedit in his hands, the frightening speed it stuck _me_ with, and _my_ white t-shirt marked with red streaks from where _his_ belt had repeatedly lashed at me. There was blood, always blood….

"FUCK!" I yelled out as I slammed my hands into the tile. It hurt, but I welcomed the pain.

"See what you did? See what you fucking did to your own daughter?" I cursed towards the ceiling. "You didn't care what he did to me, did you? Didn't care what _you_ did to me, what all the messed up shit still does to me? I fucking hate you!" I screamed, not caring if my neighbours heard me or not, they could go fuck themselves if they did.

I hated her, I loved her.

I did not cry as my knees sunk towards the tile, and there was no tears as I laid my head on the floor near my knees. The only moisture came from the water pelting my face from above. I was numb.

I laid in the shower until the hot water ran out, and when it did, I stiffly got up, wrapped myself in a towel, and trudged back to my bedroom. I threw on the first pair of pyjamas I could find, and laid back down on my bed. I was in no mood to watch television or read a book, so I was staring at the ceiling. My eyes weren't focusing on the details in the ceiling anymore though, they weren't focusing on anything at the moment. I don't know how long I laid like that, not thinking, but I was shocked back to life when I heard a chirping to the left of me. I looked over, and noticed my phone was a lit up. I reached for it and looked at the screen. It was a text message, and I felt a warmth spread through me as I read who it was from. I clicked it open, and even found myself smiling as read it.

_Are you still awake? -E. _

_No. I happen to have the ability to text in my sleep. _I joked, and I marveled at how quickly I had been able to turn my mood around.

_Do you also have the ability to talk on the phone? _Edward asked, playing along. _I promise I 'm an Edward of the non-surly variety. _

_Well, there's a deal breaker right there. My sleep self only deals with surly Edwards. -B. _I was actually a little disappointed that I wasn't going to get Edward all pissed off.

_You better wake up then, because I 'm calling you right now. _He warned, and true to his word, my phone was ringing seconds later.

"Hello?" I answered with a smile.

"Hello Bella, and how are you this fine evening?" Edward said overly formal, no doubt because I chastised him yesterday about proper greetings.

"I'm alright." I giggled, because it was true, at least now. "Though you don't have to be so formal. If I do recall, I just stipulated about saying hello."

"Take it as me being thorough." He said and I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Whatever floats your boat, Cullen." I said, and I heard him laugh on the other line. "How did your talk with your parents go?"

"Fine, I guess." Edward sighed into the phone, " I've had the same conversation with them a million times, so I kind of know what to expect by now. They want me to stay at home and not live in this shitty apartment, they want to give me money so I don't have to work at a shitty job…." He paused. "No offense."

"None taken." I laughed, "My career at Books and Things is not exactly the highlight of my life right now," I didn't mention what actually was the highlight of my life, or rather who was. "Though I'm kind of confused. You're parents are offering you money and you won't take it?" I didn't really understand why he would reject such a thing. Most people our age would gladly take hand-outs from their parents.

"That's correct." He answered simply.

I wasn't going to get it out of him easily, but since had pushed to know things about me, I was sure as hell going to push to learn things about him.

"Right, so you're parents seem like they are pretty well off, since you are able to have a library with a rolling ladder thing." Edward laughed at the last part, and I fought the urge to tell him to shut up, and I kept going with my inquires. "So I don't get what the deal is. If your parents can afford to do it, then why won't you? Let them help, I mean."

"You'll think it's stupid."

"Try me." I said. Edward sighed once again.

"I don't like taking money from my parents because it make me feel incredibly guilty. They have done so much for me already, doing far more then they ever needed to do, and even though they offer it up freely, I can't take it willingly. I also don't want to end up one of those trust-fund kids that never do anything for themselves. I want to make something of my own." Edward said with fervor.

I got the second part well, hell, I was doing pretty much the same thing, trying to take control of myself and my future, though I didn't understand why he would feel guilty.

"But isn't that what parents are supposed to do?" I asked. At least what 'good' parents do?

"They have, but they never had to." He answered. My God, we were going in circles with this. Cullen is much better at being evasive then I am, and he probably doesn't even try to do it.

"I'm…confused." I said truthfully. Edward sounded exasperated when spoke again, and I could picture him pinching the bridge of his nose, like he done earlier today at work.

"Carlisle and Esme, my parents, are not actually my parents. They're my parents in the way they are the only parents I've ever really known, but biologically they aren't. I'm adopted." Edward said in a matter of fact tone. I was surprised and I really didn't know what to say to that; I had never known anyone who was adopted before.

"What happened to your biological parents?" I asked before realizing

that was potentially rude. "I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I'm just curious." _Well duh, Bella._

"It's okay. My parents died when I was little, in a car accident." He answered, again like it was just a statement of fact, there was no emotion behind it.

"I'm sorry." I automatically said. I knew that those were empty words. Whenever some said 'I'm sorry' in reference to someone dying, you know its just because they don't know what to say. Because really, what else are you supposed to say in the situation like that? 'That sucks balls that your parents died, Edward', really doesn't have the same sentiment, does it?

"It's alright. They died a long time ago and I don't really remember them all that much, so I don't really think of them as my parents, they were just people who looked like me." He sounded like he was truly fine with that fact that his parents were dead, and I was surprised. After what I had gone through, I still wasn't fine with what happened. I could barely think about my mother without breaking down, how could he be so calm about it?

"My mother died." I blurted out and then clamped my hand over my mouth before I could spew anymore of my life out. Fuck! Why did I say that? What was with him and his ability to make me want to talk about this crap?

"What? When?" Edward asked, shocked. He must have thought I meant recently.

"When I was nine. My dad left a couple years before and she just fell apart after he left. After her…death I was sent to live with my grandparents." I said quickly before I could start chocking up. I hadn't wanted to tell him this, but I did at the same time. He had told me something personal, so it was only fair. "So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I get how you feel." I said with a sniffle. I wasn't going to cry again, I swear.

Edward was quiet on the other line for a while, and I was regretting that I told hi, all this. Maybe his limit had been reached on 'Bella Swan's fucked-up life' already.

"That really fucking sucks, Bella." Edward said, completely serious. He was telling me the truth, but I couldn't help but snort.

"What?" He asked, perplexed.

"It's just. So. funny!" I said in what can only be described as a crazy person's laughter.

"Uh," Edward mumbled, clearly questioning my sanity. "What exactly?"

"It does fucking suck, no B.S. 'I'm sorry' from you Cullen!" I laughed. Maybe I had finally gone crazy.

"It's true, I mean it." Edward said, still obviously confused.

"I know. That's why it's so amazing! Everyone and anyone has told me their sorry, and you know they never fucking mean it, but you, _you _tell me the honest truth. That's fucking awesome, Cullen."

"You know you're crazy, right?" Edward finally started to chuckle himself.

"I know." I said, and we both laughed together.

After our laughter had died down, we moved onto less depressing topics. I found out that Edward had two adopted siblings, a brother and sister, and he spoke fondly of them. Despite his arguments with his parents, it sounded like they were definitely a close family. I told him about my rather boring existence in Forks, though he seemed rather intrigued about my small town life. He told me that he spent his entire life here in New York, and his parents just moved out to Connecticut once all their children went off to school.

We talked about music and movies, classes we had taken at NYU, even our favourite foods, grilled cheese was mine, a "kick-ass Gnocchi" (his words, not mine,) from a restaurant uptown was his. Oh, and books, endlessly books. You would think that working in a bookstore would cause you to not want to talk about them, but it did the exact opposite. We has some of the same favourites, and he had read quite a few books I had never even heard of before, and he was surprised to say the least, that I liked those vampire books that had basically taken over the planet, and currently had a massive display in the Teen Fiction section of our store.

"You can't be serious. You like that crap?" Edward asked me, incredulous.

"They're good." I said in defense, albeit not the greatest defense.

"You just told me that you have read some of the finest example's of literature there is, and you like a love story about a _vampire_?" He scoffed.

"Just because it's a love story doesn't mean it's a shit story, and yeah, it's no Dickens, but it's still a great book. Plus Cullen, have you even read the book?"

"No…"

"Then you clearly have no argument here." I said, proud of myself. "Tell you what, I'll read one of those "masterpieces" you raved on about, and you will read my girly vampire book, deal?" I waited on the line as he contemplated offer. _Come on Cullen, man up and do it! _

"I don't have all night," I said. I heard Edward sigh, and I knew that I had got him. I suppressed the urge to laugh maniacally.

"Fine, deal."

"Excellent." I said with a smile. "You will like it, and you will eat you words, Cullen."

"You think so?" Edward challenged.

"I know so." I answered back.

We talked for at least another half hour before I heard Edward yawn, and I decided that we should probably call it night. I could have talked to Edward all night with my two naps in one day, but Edward wouldn't really be the best conversationalist of he was asleep.

"I think I should let you go, Cullen. You sound beat."

"Huh?" Edward said, and he sounded like he already was asleep.

"Go to bed." I laughed into the phone.

"Okay," he said sleepily, again all cute. He reminded me of a little boy.

"Goodnight, Edward."

"'Night, Bella." He said, and I was about to hang up when I heard him speak again.

"Fuck! Bella? Are you still there?" he asked, sounding a little more awake.

"I am," I answered.

"I uh, forgot to ask you something. I meant to ask you earlier, but I, er, got distracted." Edward said, and he was fumbling over his words again. I had noticed that he does that when he's nervous, and it was a pretty endearing quality since you would think that with his looks, he would be all suave and cocky, but he was pretty much the polar opposite. It didn't make him any less charming however.

"Okay, what's up Cullen?"

"Well, I was thinking that since we are working the evening shift tomorrow night that you would maybe like to, uh, hang out before hand?" He said nervously.

Wait, was Edward asking me out on a date? Furthermore, did hanging out even qualify as a date? I had told Edward, albeit not explicitly, that we couldn't do the whole romantic thing, but did he listen? There was a part of me that really hoped that he hadn't given up on me, despite my warnings.

"Um, I'm not sure-"

"-just as friends." Edward interrupted me, and that little part of me that wished for the date, wept. The older, bigger part of me thought this was good news and that maybe my plan to just stay friends with Edward would work.

"I guess so, sure. What were you thinking?" I asked, intrigued about what our 'friend date' , would entail.

"There's this coffee place that opened up near my apartment that I wanted to try. I hear they have pretty decent stuff, and since I promised to bring you coffee every time we worked together, I thought I would kill two birds with one stone."

"Okay, sure. Coffee, cool." I said ineloquently. Edward chuckled.

"I'll text you tomorrow with the directions. Does 2:30 work for you?" He asked.

"That's fine," I said, pretty stunned to say anything else; I'm not going to lie, I was pretty excited for our friend date.

"Cool." Edward said, and he seemed a bit surprised I gave in so easily. "Go to sleep now Bella, have happy dreams." When he said that, my hear surged; he had told me almost the same thing in my dream, and it sounded even sweeter in real life.

"You too, Edward." I said, emotion rushing through me.

"I will, Bella." and he sounded so sure of that fact, and I was envious I couldn't say the same thing.

As we disconnected, I hoped that maybe, just maybe, I could get away with a dream interception by Edward again, I prayed for it even. I turned off my light and settled into my bed with a smile on my face, and fell asleep quickly.

I should have known better by now that I wouldn't escape my nightmare twice in one night.

**EPOV**

For the third time in a row I was up at the crack of dawn, though this morning I could slept for another four or five hours since Bella had me talking late and I didn't have to be at work until five tonight. However I was up and wide awake as soon as the light started coming through my window.

I was eager, and I was overwhelmingly anxious. I didn't know what our date that wasn't really date would bring, and I really wasn't sure how I was going to act. There were so many confusing things about our relationship, I didn't know when I was pushing her boundaries of what she wanted us to be, and I didn't know how to reconcile the part of myself that wanted to be Bella's friend, and the other part that wanted much more then that. I had spent some 'quality time' with Little Eddie last night in the shower, to somewhat quash the less then pure feelings I felt toward Bella, but the other feelings were harder to control.

I wanted to be both, and she wouldn't let me for whatever reason.

I wanted to stick around, because even though she had told me a few times now that she was afraid of losing me, I was equally afraid of losing her. It was the other reason why I would be Bella's friend, because not only did I not want to hurt her, I knew that _I _couldn't be without her now. My desire to just be near to her or hear her voice was growing, and I knew it wouldn't stop.

I'm a glutton for punishment, I know.

Bella had to feel something towards me though, right? As I made my gourmet breakfast of toast and a fried egg, I made a mental list of markers that would indicate that Bella had feelings for me, feelings that meant she liked me more then just a friend.

Firstly, she had almost always initiated physical contact between us, and had only turned away from the kiss at the last moment.

She apparently watched me at work, and I had feeling it wasn't exactly necessary for her to do that. She would come to find me to talk, and she always seemed regretful when we had to part ways at the end of the day. She had told me that I was one of the few people she could hug, and she had said my name and asked me to stay, all in her dream.

We had talked for hours on end last night, and I had been surprised that we were able to go from light and joking, to some pretty serious stuff, and back again in the same conversation. That conversation had let me learn so much about Bella, finally giving me some clues to how Bella's mind worked.

I had always been okay with my parents death because I truly didn't remember them much. I was barely able to walk when it happened, and I was at the babysitter's when they were hit by some drunk driver. There were no known relatives that could take me, so I ended up staying in a foster home for six months. I don't really remember that time either, other then that there was always kids everywhere, and that there was a woman there smelled like cheese that always wanted to pick me up. That's where Carlisle and Esme found me and Alice, apparently becoming besotted with the both of us in one glance.

When we were children, I used to tease Alice that they got her only because it was a two-for-one deal at the foster home that day. I was only joking, but it wasn't until years later that I found out that she actually believed me, and that taunt actually really upset her. Why Alice didn't hate me now was a miracle.

It was clear however, that Bella was not okay with her mother's death. Or her father leaving for that matter. It was clear in her voice as she spoke of them, there was sadness, and there was a hint of hatred there, for both of them. Maybe because her mother's death was far more recent, and she could actually remember her mother, was the reason why she still held anger towards her. I didn't really know, I'm no psychologist.

Maybe this is what she meant when she told me she was "fucked up". I didn't truly believe that she was, and I didn't like that she described herself that way. She made herself sound like she was broken beyond repair, and I couldn't imagine that being true for Bella. She could be broken, but I refused to believe that she was unable to be saved.

Did this mean I wanted to 'fix' Bella? No. I don't think Bella needed to be fixed in anyway, she was already perfect the way she was. She was just someone in need, someone in grief, and somewhere in her life, she had lost the light. I hoped that maybe, I could be the one to help her find it again.

After I had finished cleaning up after breakfast, I had tons of time to kill before I had to meet Bella. I was nervous as fuck, so I tried to keep myself busy. I showered and got dressed, trying on at least four different shirts before settling on a red t-shirt and jeans. I normally never did this, I would usually just pick up whatever smelled somewhat clean off my floor, and throw it on. But this was the first time Bella would be seeing me in something other then the hideous Books and Things uniform, so I wanted to look decent.

Shut-up, I know I'm acting like a girl. Sue me.

When I was finished with that, I looked over my classes for next semester and wrote down the books I would need to buy that were on my reading lists. By the look of the huge list, I would have to start some of them soon, and I would be making good use of my employee discount.

I then spent a couple hours looking at law schools, since I would have to start applying to them in the fall. I had already taken the LSAT's earlier this year and I had done pretty well, so I wasn't too worried about not getting in anywhere, it was just the choice of where I wanted to go.

Ever since I was in high school, I was determined to go to Harvard Law, mostly because of the prestige, and partly because Carlisle went to the medical school there. But now, I was considering other options. Yale, Princeton, Berkeley, Columbia… I spent the most time looking at Columbia, telling myself that it was because if I went there, I wouldn't have to move, I knew the city well, etc, but all that really didn't matter. I knew the reason why I was considering Columbia now, and it would be incredibly stupid if I based my decision around that one element. For one, I didn't even know what Bella was planning to do after graduation, or where she would go, and two, I didn't even know how Bella felt about me, and I was already basing major life decisions around her? I guess I could go check the box "Edward Cullen is crazy" with a big red checkmark now.

I sighed and looked at the clock, and saw that it was only noon. Damn it, I still had two hours to kill.

For the next couple hours, I did probably everything to not think about Bella and our up coming non-date. I checked my email several times, watched CNN until I got bored, and I even called up Garrett to see what he was up to. He tried to convince me to come out tonight, in which I told him I was working tonight so that was no go. He then made me promise that I would go out on Friday night to some club downtown that apparently had 'quality chicks'. There was only one 'quality chick' I had in mind, but I wasn't about to tell Garrett that.

I wanted to talk to someone about this ridiculous situation I put myself in, but who could I really talk too? Garrett and Ben were horn-dogs and would just tell me to fuck her and get it over with. I would probably get a similar response from Emmett, and discussing this with either of my parents was totally out of the question. That left Alice, and as much as I loved my little sister, I don't if I could talk to her about this, at least not yet.

"Argh!" I grunted, as I ran my fingers through my hair and tugged on the ends. I was frustrated on top being nervous/excited. It was a great combo; I was tense, fidgety, and had a scowl on my face, all because of a beautiful, complex, and frustrating woman.

I was getting nowhere with my thinking, so I decided that it would be okay to leave a bit early to get to the coffee shop. It took me about ten minutes to get to Java Planet, the coffee shop I had told Bella about, and since I was early, I decided to look around the place.

It looked pretty similar to most of the "hip" coffee shops that were scattered around the city; it had plush loungers, and all the tables were mismatched, along with the chairs. On the walls, there was photography and art pieces that were done by local artists, and the lighting was bright and cheery. It looked at least like a cool place to hang out, it was a nice change from the uniformity of the Starbucks I had been going to, and I really hoped Bella would like it.

I glanced down at my phone and noticed it was just reaching 2:30, and I went to go back outside to wait for Bella. I had only been waiting for a few minutes when I finally could see her, and when I did, I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped to floor.

Bella's long brown hair was tousled around her face, creating messy, and very sexy waves. Her creamy, flawless skin was framed beautifully by the dark blue tank top she was wearing. I looked down and saw her legs were sheathed only in a small pair of denim shorts, and they showcased her long, lithe legs perfectly. When Bella saw me, a huge smile spread across her face, which was quickly replaced with confusion, I then realised that my jaw was still on the floor, and I snapped my jaw shut quickly.

"What?" Bella asked, looking down at her shirt and pulling it out in front of her. "Do I have something on my shirt?", She said, frowning down at her shirt.

"No, you don't." I answered, "You look lovely, actually." I said truthfully, and Bella blushed wildly.

"You don't look half bad yourself, Cullen." She told me, still not looking me in the eye and blushing like crazy.

"Thanks, I guess?"

"I mean it. You look good in red." And with that, I vowed to add more red clothing to my wardrobe. This time it was my turn to blush.

"Shall we?", I said, pulling the door open for her. Bella gave me a light smile and then blushed again as she walked through the door. I didn't really know exactly what I was doing to do that, but I hoped I was doing something right. I put Bella's frequent blush around me on the pro-list that Bella liked me.

When we got to the counter, I ordered a iced coffee for myself and a vanilla latte for Bella. The sandwiches looked pretty decent as well, so I ordered myself a turkey club.

"Do you want anything?" I said, motioning to the menu on the wall. Bella didn't see that though because she was staring very intently at a plate of brownies. She shook her head 'no' absently, still without breaking her gaze at the brownies. If one could eye-fuck a dessert, Bella would be a prime example.

"Anything else?" The girl behind the counter asked me.

"Yeah, one of those brownies please." I answered, and Bella looked up at me in surprise.

"Do you want that heated up?" The server asked and I looked to Bella.

"Oh God yes." Bella answered, her eyes wide; she was practically drooling.

"I can pay you back…" Bella said softly as I paid for our food. She really needed to get used to me taking care of her, because I wasn't about to stop anytime soon.

"I asked you out, it's my treat. Plus I really don't think one brownie is going break the bank." I smiled.

"Okay," Bella conceded, "But you have to let me treat you next time." _Did she just say 'next time?' _I was so happy with the possibility of 'next time' , that I had a very hard time stopping myself from not doing a celebration dance in the middle of the shop.

"Deal." I said as we sat down at a small table. The server came by shortly with our drinks and Bella's brownie; my sandwich was taking a bit longer.

"Go ahead, I don't mind." Bella was looking like she wanted to dive into her dessert, but didn't since I didn't have my food yet. Bella smiled and stabbed her fork into the brownie, and I watched as she lifted the fork slowly to her lips and took a bite. She closed her eyes and licked her lips, and I had to stop myself from drooling as Bella let out a small moan.

"Holy shit, this is good." Bella said while taking another bite and hummed in contentment. I felt myself shift underneath the table, and I tried to look away, looking at anything other then Bella and her borderline orgasmic brownie.

Being just friends with Bella was going to be way more difficult then I thought.

"Should I leave you two alone?" I said looking pointedly at the brownie on her plate and not her mouth.

"Shut it, this is one damn good brownie. Whoever made this piece of chocolate heaven needs to seriously ne put into sainthood." Bella said, and then suddenly I had a fork full of brownie in my face. I looked at Bella's face then and she was smiling a huge smile at me. "Come on Edward, you have to try this. I swear you'll have a religious experience."

"Well, in that case," I joked and went to take the fork from her, but she refused to let go. I realised then that she wanted feed me it, and that struck me. This was not something you would do with a casual friend, it was actually a rather intimate gesture. Bella was flirting with me, and not very stealthily either. My hope continued to rise that Bella really didn't want to just be friends, she was just afraid of 'us' for some reason.

I opened my mouth as she slowly, and almost sensually, fed me the brownie from her plate. Fuck, it was good, and in combination with Bella's movements, I groaned loudly, forgetting that we were in a public place in the middle of that day, with quite a few people around. I opened my eyes and I could see Bella flushing red from her chest, up her neck, and all over her cheeks. I don't know what Bella saw in my face, but she gulped before breaking eye contact with me, and stabbed her fork to get another bite for herself.

"You're right," I said, my voice husky. "_That_ was good."


	6. Chapter 6

** A/N: I'm back! Hope you all enjoy this post, and as a treat for you guys, you get an all Edward chapter! Next chapter will be all Bella, so don't worry, she'll be back soon ;). Thanks again to my lovely beta Nancy, and like always, I don't own anything Twilight related, but the rest is all mine.**

**EPOV**

"

"You're right," I said, my voice husky. "That was good."

I had no idea what I was saying, it kind of just fell out of my mouth. Bella had just fed me a brownie that must have been made by the gods it was so good; and on top of that, it had been one of the most sensual experiences of my life. I was now currently sporting the largest hard on in the world underneath the small table that was between us, and there was no way it would let up if I kept watching Bella eat, not to mention the attractive flush that was now on her face and neck. For once in my life, I didn't feel embarrassed or awkward. I felt _hungry_, and definitely not for food.

I don't know if she had fed me like that on purpose, which meant she had been flirting with me, violating her own 'we're just friends' promise, or if it was completely unintentional on her part. It had seemed deliberate. I mean, most people don't feed their friends little pieces of heaven like that with such obvious sensuality, right? Maybe I should put another check in the pro 'Bella liked me' list…

"I told you," Bella said, still looking down at the remaining bits of her brownie, her blush slowly creeping away from her face. She shoveled the last bit in and then looked up to meet my eyes, and I didn't know what she saw in mine, probably lust since I was pretty turned on at the moment, but her eyes widened as she took a sharp breath in before worrying her lip. My God, was she trying to kill me? Or better yet, was my dick trying to kill me by liking everything this woman did? I shifted myself underneath the table in attempt to lift the massive strain on my jeans at the moment, though in doing such movement, it brought little relief.

"What?" I asked, looking back up at Bella, and she had moved her plate and was now leaning closer to me, her arms folded in front of her. She was still biting her lip, and there was a crease between her eyebrows. things that I I was usually distracted by her beauty, but things like the ridiculously low-cut blue tank top and tiny shorts made me lose my capacity to think.

Now that I could stare at her face unobserved, I could see things I had never seen before. Under her wide, chocolate brown eyes, there were dark circles that had looked like she had attempted to cover them up; she looked like she hadn't slept properly in days. Bella was also pale, almost in the extreme, and I could make out the veins underneath her skin, pulsating and blue.

As I moved my gaze down to the line of her neck and down to her exposed shoulder, I noticed a splattering of tiny scars that curved over her it and onto her arm. They were thin little raised lines, and I wondered what could cause such a thing. They looked like they had been deep at one time, so it surely must have been painful. I filed that observation under one of the many mysteries of Bella Swan.

"This is wrong," Bella answered. I whipped my head up, afraid that Bella had caught me staring at her scars, but she was still looking down towards the table. Her voice was sad, and I could see the sadness on her face now. I ached to reach over and cup her face with my hand, but I knew I couldn't, so I settled for setting one of my hands on top of hers. I again felt the inexplicable jolt I had always felt whenever we had physical contact, and I knew Bella could feel it too, by the way her eyes widened at out hands and her mouth making a tiny 'o' in surprise.

"You mean this?" My voice sounded angry, and I was surprised at my reaction. I could feel her try and move her hand away from mine, but I kept a firm grasp on her, I didn't want to give up on this feeling that was passing between us, and I really didn't want to Bella to bolt, like I felt she was going to. Bella still wasn't looking at me, and I needed her to answer me, so I pulled out another ballsy Edward move, and put my finger underneath her chin, tilting it up so she would have to face me. It worked, but her eyes were still downcast, eluding me.

"Bella, look at me." She looked up, and her eyes were so incredibly sad, it made my hard on immediately deflate. "Why is this wrong?" I asked, as I stared into her eyes, probing.

"It will hurt." Bella stared back at me, and I could tell her in face that she truly believed that. I stupidly felt joy, because it solidified the idea that Bella felt something for me, and that she was only trying push me away out of fear.

Bella went to move her face from my finger and escape my gaze, but I refused to let her. I wanted to make myself clear and show her that she didn't have to be afraid of me, so I threw out the whole not-cupping-her-face thing, and moved my hand to her cheek and started rubbing small circles there with my thumb. It was something Esme used to do when I was little, so I figured it would work as a comforting gesture for Bella. She looked surprised by the movement, but she didn't flinch. I took that as a good sign.

"I could never hurt you," I said, trying to convey with my voice and with my eyes that this was the truth, and that she could trust me. She closed her eyes, and I feared she'd slap my hand away, but she didn't. Instead, she leaned into my hand and sighed. After an immeasurable moment, Bella opened her eyes and moved my hand from her face, taking it in both of hers before placing it back on the table in front of us. She held her hand over mine for a small second, perhaps in thanks, before pulling both of hers under the table.

"I'm not worried about myself," Bella spoke finally as she looked back down at the table. I frowned in confusion, and I was about to ask what she meant by that, when I was interrupted.

"Sorry 'bout the wait," a rather high pitched female voice said, and I recognized it vaguely as the girl who took our order, but I wasn't quite sure since I was still staring at Bella, who was now tracing patterns in the woodgrain with her finger. The server/waitress/whatever was babbling on, and I barely paid attention, my focus completely on Bella. "… but here's your turkey club." A plate was placed in front of me, and I glanced down to see that was in fact the turkey club I had ordered, and looked back up in time to see Bella staring daggers at girl who just placed my food in front of me. I followed Bella's gaze and I finally looked at our server. She was looking right at me, and she licked her lips before smiling at me.

"Thank you," I answered politely and a little confused. The girl's smile grew wide and she placed her hand on my shoulder, not noticing that I stiffened at her touch.

"If there is _anything_ else you need, please let me know," she said in her high-pitched baby voice, winking at me before before walking away. I turned to look back at Bella, and I caught her rolling her eyes and muttering under her breath. I didn't catch all of it, but it sounded something like "cheap ass blonde", was thrown in there.

"So, did that girl run over your cat or something?" I picked up my sandwich and began eat it. It was good, though not quite orgasm brownie good, but still pretty decent all the same.

"Pfft," Bella huffed before taking a sip of her latte. "Some people lack I professionalism these days." Bella's eyes moved to the server's direction again, and she narrowed her eyes.

"I thought she was professional." I said, not completely understanding what the hell was going on between Bella and the girl who had brought me my sandwich. This time Bella rolled her eyes at me.

"You can't be serious," Bella muttered in disbelief as she looked at me for the first time since before we were interrupted. "She was practically drooling all over you. I thought she would straddle you right here." Bella gestured to the table, and I finally put two and two together. Bella was jealous of our server. Because said server was flirting with me. I tried not to laugh and not sound a little overjoyed at that fact when I answered her back.

"Really?" I said in mock interest and began to look back in the server's direction. I was not interested in her at all, but I wanted to see what Bella's reaction was. She didn't disappoint as I felt her swat my arm, and I looked back at her with a crooked smile. Bella's face had been accusing, but when I had smiled at her, her expression went blank. She sat like that for a few seconds before shaking her head and then looking at me in the eye.

"Jesus, Edward. Are you really that unaware of yourself that you don't notice the way most women look at you? How they're willing to throw themselves at you? Miss blonde hussy over there… " I knew now that Bella was distracting me from our conversation before we were interrupted, and I wanted to talk to her about what she meant again, but I was also really eager to see how the whole 'Bella is jealous' played out, so I went along with it.

"Did you just say 'hussy'?" I interrupted, and Bella glared at me. Apparently our server wasn't the only one Bella could stare daggers at, and I was actually starting to enjoy her "bitchface". Her anger was amusing, like a kitten trying to be a tiger. "Sorry," I said and gestured for her to continue.

"I did," _Glare._ "but like I was saying before you so _rudely _interrupted me," Bella narrowed her eyes at me and this time I couldn't stop the laugh that came out, and I tried to cover it with a cough. "She is just the most blatant one so far today. You probably didn't even notice how most of the women in this shop looked at you when you walked in. How they are looking at you _now_." Bella said quietly and then looked around her. I followed her eyes, and true to her word, there was a woman in the corner glancing over at me from behind her laptop, and another woman who seemed to be here with another man, not even making it a secret that she was staring at me. I looked down, uncomfortable. I knew that I was a decent looking guy, and I had been told by women before that they found me attractive, but I never really took it to heart. I guess I still thought of myself as an awkward looking teenager, and as any other clumsy person would tell you, I hated eyes focused on me.

"I guess I never really notice these things," I shrugged, and Bella raised her eyebrow at me. "I spend a lot time in my own head."

"So you're honestly telling me you don't notice that women find you beautiful beyond all reason?" My eyes bolted back to Bella, and her eyes were open wide in fear with her mouth wide, like she herself couldn't believe what she just said.

_Did she just say- No. _My mind ran laps as I was pretty staggered. Did she just call me _beautiful_? No, not just beautiful, she called me 'beautiful beyond all reason'. Who calls a man that anyways? I had used a similar description for Bella before, but for her to use the same word for me? That was mind-boggling.

I was however, elated that Bella would think of me that way, despite how absurd it was.

"Excuse me?" A smile was threatening to break out on my lips, and Bella looked like someone had just caught her red handed, which I suppose I just did. "What did you just call me?"

"Hmm?" Bella bit her lip and looked everywhere but at me. "I don't really remember." She shrugged in nonchalance, but blushed wildly, giving away her lie. Not that I would have believed her anyways, I'm not that stupid. Plus it looked like being a good liar was not one of Bella's strong points.

"I really think you do," I murmured. I noticed there that we had again unconsciously leaned towards each other over the table, so that now my chest was hovering over my sandwich and Bella's face was close to mine, like we were in a secret conversation, and it probably looked like we were lovers. _If only, _I laughed inwardly.

"I'm beautiful beyond all reason, huh?" I asked, and Bella's face was a vibrant shade of red.

"Like you didn't know that already," Bella argued, but missed her admittance that had slipped out.

"No, I didn't know that _you _thought of _me_ that way." A smile crept across my face and I felt a bit smug. She knew I had caught her, and she opened her mouth to respond, but quickly closed it again. I chuckled.

"Smug bastard," she mumbled, though smiling a bit despite herself. She sighed and then moved her hidden hands back on the table so she could look at them instead of looking at me. "Fine. I think you're beautiful-"

"Beyond all reason," I interrupted.

"Yes, beyond all reason. Can we drop it now?" Bella was extremely embarrassed, but I didn't feel too bad, she could consider it as payback for not warning me before falling over that box yesterday.

"Sure," I laughed, "Though, just so you know, I don't think that's an apt description for myself. I think it fits better for someone else." Bella looked confused and I looked pointedly at her. Realization sparked her face, and I saw several emotions flicker across her face; surprise, incredulity, a few more that passed too quickly before I could decipher them, and then she finally looked…touched?

"Me?" she asked, and she looked around like she thought I was speaking of some incredible beauty that had somehow appeared behind her.

"Yes, you." The emotion flicked by again. She was touched.

"You continue to surprise me, Cullen." Bella smiled at me, and I smiled back. It was just so easy to be with her. Smiles were never forced, and we both called each other out on our shit. I never felt awkward and fumbling with her, I felt quite the opposite actually, which is a surprise for me. Bella shook her head and smiled to herself before continuing. "You're ability to go from a smug bastard to saying something like that… now that's amazing."

"You know what's amazing?" I countered, taking another bite of my sandwich.

"And what would that be?" Bella said, cradling her mug between both her hands.

"You're ability to distract from a conversation." Bella looked from her mug to me with surprise, and then any joy that had been sparked by our joking was sucked out of her, and it was replaced by pain and sadness. I almost regretted bringing it up again, but I needed to know what she had meant before.

"Bella," I said, looking into her eyes. She didn't look away this time, but they still looked incredibly sad. "What did you mean, you're not worried about yourself?"

Bella ran her hands through her hair and leaned back against her chair, giving herself some space. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before answering me.

"It's not me I'm worried about getting hurt. I've been hurt plenty of times in my life, and I've survived."

"Then who…" I trailed off, realization hitting me like a ton of bricks at the same time she spoke.

"You, Edward. You'll get hurt, and I can't have that happen. Not ever." Bella had opened her eyes now, and she was looking at me with determination; she meant what she said.

Why was she so worried about hurting me, though? I could never see Bella hurting someone intentionally, physically or emotionally, and I can surely take care of myself in both of those situations. Even the fact that she wasn't at all worried about getting herself hurt, which seemed incredibly selfless in my eyes, added to my conviction that Bella was not capable of the hurt she was afraid of causing me.

"I…don't understand." I said. Bella looked like she was debating something and sat thinking for a moment. She sat back up in the chair so that she was again leaning over the table, though not as close as before. "Eat your sandwich," she said, and I almost laughed she sounded like my mother. I picked it up and took a large bite, hoping that would be good enough for her to continue. Part of me knew I was probably torturing myself with this, but as always, I wanted to figure out the inner workings of Bella's mind.

"I wasn't joking when I said I was fucked up. You don't know the shades of fucked up I am," she said bitterly, and I flinched. I really didn't like her describing herself like that. "I've been through shit I'm not going to describe here, but Edward, you have to understand, it's not a good idea to get close to me."

I was shocked at her admission. How could she think that about herself? Had someone told her that? If that was true, I wanted to punch them in the face. Repeatedly. _Huh, _I thought_, that's interesting. I'm normally a non-violent person…_

"I don't believe that," I said, and she looked taken aback, before settling into determination again.

"You have to believe me," she pleaded.

"Bella, I _want _to be your friend." I actually wanted way more than that, but one has to take baby steps in this type of situation, "So can't we just try?" I pleaded back, I hoped the desperation in my voice wasn't too apparent. Bella closed her eyes again and bit her lip, she looked like she was in so much pain. I hated that I was pushing this, but I had to. She was trying to push me away and I couldn't allow her to do it, I needed her too much now.

"We can't," Bella said softly, and the determination had left her eyes and was replaced with defeat.

"Why not? And don't give that hurting me bullshit, because Bella, I can take care of myself, and if I get hurt, so be it. It won't be the first time." I took an angry bite from my sandwich, finishing it up. I was looking down at my now empty plate when I felt a warm hand on top of mine. I looked at Bella's tiny hand on mine, and then looked at her. She was looking at me, and her features softened before she answered me.

"I want to be your friend too. Despite what you've seen of me the past few days, you have made my life a lot better lately." She smiled lightly.

"But?" I said, since I knew it was coming.

"But, I can't. We can't. I already c-" Bella was interrupted by a shrill ring of a cell phone, and she removed her hand from mine to reach for her bag. I was left gaping at her and frozen in my spot, my hand actually aching at the absence that her hand had left. What the hell was she going to say? I nearly went crazy as she rifled through her obscenely large handbag , and then finally pulling out her phone. She looked down at the screen and frowned.

"I have to take this, is that alright?" she asked quickly, and I nodded since I feared that if I opened my mouth now, I might not be able to control my voice. Bella sighed and flipped her phone open, muttering a soft "hey" to whoever was on the other line, and moved to take her conversation outside. Once she was gone, I rubbed my hands on my face and banged it against the table once for good measure. I had a million questions in my mind, and any answer Bella gave me was causing more questions. What was she going to say before she was cut off? My jealous thoughts were wondering who she was talking to that was so important, and my most dreaded thought, what if she decided we couldn't even be friends? I groaned and slammed my head against the table again, letting it lie there for awhile.

_You have got yourself into quite a mess there, Cullen, _I groaned inwardly at myself. _Stupid idiot for falling for someone like Bella. _Wait, did I just say 'falling for'? _Shit, I am an idiot. _

"Edward?", Bella called and I felt her hand on my shoulder. I lifted my head off the table and looked up to see Bella looking at me, worried. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." I choked out, clearing my throat to make me sound more believable. "Really." Bella didn't look at all convinced but she sat back down in front of me anyway.

"Are you sure you're not sick? You look sick." I really didn't know where all this concern was coming from, hadn't she just been telling me we shouldn't be friends?

"I'm fine." I assured her, and I was about to ask what she was going to say before, but she spoke first.

"I was thinking about what you said while I was outside, and I want to try, us being friends I mean." She was so wary, like a scared little girl. I was relieved though, she wanted to try, and she was willing to do it despite her fears. It wasn't completely ideal, but I would take it.

"That's good," I said, trying not to sound too eager. " I like being your friend. I mean, who else feeds me delicious brownies and calls me beautiful all in the same day?"

"Hmm," Bella pondered before breaking into a huge grin. "Maybe your mom?" The surprise must have been clear on my face because Bella started laughing.

"Did you just seriously do a 'your mom' joke?"

"What, surprise you again, Cullen?" Bella smiled widely, and I couldn't help but join her.

"Always do, Swan."

∗∗∗∗  
"I don't believe that there aren't women throwing themselves at you."

"I didn't say that." It was a slow Monday morning, and Bella was hanging out in the romance section with me, while I was making room for a new series novels that had just come in. This one was about a globetrotting pirate named Jack Bird, and he got it on with a series of attractive wenches, and once and a while, a Lady or two. I haven't read that shit, it's how its described in the back.

Okay, I might have read the first couple chapters, but it was only because the woman on the front that was _this close _exposing her left nipple, and she had long brown hair, like Bella, which ended up making me hard again, which was totally inappropriate since she was my friend/boss.

It had been a few weeks since I first started working at Books and Things. I had gotten into the swing of things at the store pretty quickly, and I had thought that once we had settled into this friend thing we were doing, being with Bella would become easier.

It didn't. I was still incredibly attracted to her, and I was now having reoccurring dreams that involved fucking her in a variety of ways. Last night's version had me taking her from behind as she gripped the bookshelves in her hands, books falling around us as I thrust into her. I had to tend to myself to for a while before I could even think about going to work, and even now I was very much wavering in my control.

On top of that problem, Bella and I were becoming extremely close, and even though we didn't always work on the same days anymore, I would still talk to her everyday. Our nightly phone calls continued, and they now spanned into hours. We talked about almost everything, sometimes just even watching an episode of _The Simpsons _together over the phone; we were just sometimes just content in hearing each others laughter.

I learned a lot about Bella, such as that her favorite gem stone was topaz and that she loved the scents of strawberry and vanilla. She told me about some of the friends she had in the city, and I told her about Seth and Garrett. I remember cringing when she suggested we all hang out one day; Seth and Garrett were my oldest and closest friends, but they could be pretty obnoxious sometimes and I doubted Bella could actually have a good time around them.

I also learned some clues to why Bella considered herself fucked up. At first it I was intrigued, but now what I was noticing seemed darker than I anticipated. Bella never talked about her past, and when I asked, she would draw into herself and mutter short answers. I never got more than that she was born in Phoenix and lived there until mother died, and that's when she moved to Forks. I had actually googled the name after she told me, because I couldn't believe that there was actually a place named after a utensil. I found that there was in fact a town in Washington that was named Forks, and that it rained there more than anywhere else in the continental U.S. She told me that she didn't mind it, she said the constant greenery and heavy clouds were comforting. To me it sounded depressing.

She never talked about her parents. No anecdotes, no fond memories, or even bad ones for that matter. When I asked about her dad, she would just curtly reply that she only remembered him leaving, and not much else. Information about her mother would be even less helpful, and I could hear the panic in her voice when I brought it up, so I stopped asking about them altogether. Her pain was not worth it, even though it was almost killing me with all the mysteries surrounding Bella.

So all in all, I was pretty fucked. I was attracted Bella, and attached to her emotionally. I wanted Bella but I couldn't have her, not in the way I wanted anyways. Trying to act like I didn't feel any of this was getting increasingly hard to hide, and I wondered sometimes if she could easily see right through me.

"That's a tad cocky coming from you," Bella mused from her spot on the floor, breaking me from my reverie, and I flushed, raking my fingers in my hair in frustration and making it more a mess than it already was.

I rubbed my hands on my face and groaned. "That didn't come out the way I wanted it to." She looked as amused as I was flustered, and I almost expected her to pull out a bag of popcorn and settle down for a good show. "What I meant to say was it's not like I have a hard time meeting women, because I don't." Jesus, this was still sounding cocky, even to me. "I just don't actively go out there looking for them, and plus, like I told you, I'm usually pretty awkward so usually after one conversation with me, they come to their senses and run."

This was horribly self-depreciating, but I was telling the truth. I couldn't count how many times I had been at a charity function with my parents, or even just random college parties, where some nice, pretty girl would strike up a conversation or start dancing with me, only to quickly find out that behind my looks, I was an awkward conversationalist and a spastic dancer, and they would quickly move on to someone else.

"I still don't believe it," she mused quietly, and I rolled my eyes at her as I turned back to put more of that ridiculous pirate book on the shelf. "Really, Edward. I agree that you can sometimes make some awkward comments, but I find that you are usually pretty charming."

"Now I don't believe that," I scoffed. Me, charming? I wanted to laugh out loud.

"You don't see yourself very clearly, do you,?" she asked. Besides being ridiculously good looking, you are funny, smart, and you could charm the pants off of any woman if you wanted to." I nearly fell over with laughter. Bella had obviously not seen me interacting with many people before.

"Are you quoting _Zoolander_?"

"I'm serious, Cullen. It's all true, you just need to see yourself that way."

"I should keep you around for confidence boosts," I joked. " I do wonder though if I'm doing an adequate job of charming the pants off you?" I had been doing these flirty, borderline inappropriate comments quite a bit with Bella now, and I would either get an eye roll and a sarcastic comment, or at other times I would get a blush. I lived for those times.

"I'm still wearing them, aren't I?" Her tone was sarcastic, but when I quickly glanced behind me, there was faint pink tone to her cheeks. I turned back and smiled to myself. She would not be getting the last word in this one.

"All in good time, Swan." I didn't turn to look back this time, but I did hear her _tsk_ loudly. We were silent for a few minutes as I put more books up, wondering how Bella got away with spending so much time hanging out with me when we were at work. Maybe moving up in the company meant you could do whatever the hell you wanted.

"Speaking of women throwing themselves at you," Bella said, breaking our silence, "Were you ever going to tell me about what happened with Irina?" I whipped back around to face her, not knowing what the fuck she was talking about, and Bella was obviously grinning at my reaction.

"Who the hell is Irina?" I asked, a little too loud seeing as I was at work. Bella's grin widened and then ran her hands flippantly through one of the books beside her.

"Well I guess you never really found out her name. You probably know her as 'The Cougar' ." Bella quirked her eyebrow at me expectantly, and I wanted to go crawl into a hole and die. She knew about that? I'm so glad that event has the ability to torture me for weeks on end.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I lied, turning back to face the bookshelf in order to hide my embarrassment.

"Oh, so some forty-something woman didn't try to feel you up near the erotica section then?" Bella said, barely containing a laugh.

_Oh God, this was not happening. _

"How do you know about that?" I groaned as I stared at the bookshelf in front of me like it was the entry way to _Narnia_ or something. "And how do you know her name?"

"We've had problems with her and her accosting male staff members before, and Betty told me right after I got back from my break that day. I could barely make out what she was trying say she was laughing so much." Bella was barely containing her laughter now, and a few giggles had escaped from her lips.

"What I don't understand is, how did you let her get that far? And please don't tell me you have some older woman fetish, because I really don't need to know those kind of things."

"I don't know. It all happened so fast, and then I didn't know what to do. She was a customer and I didn't want to be rude." I shrugged, still not looking at Bella.

"So you let her basically assault you?" Her voice was more serious now, and I didn't hear her get up, but I suddenly her hand was on my shoulder. This was another thing that was sort of odd in our relationship, because although we had agreed on being friends, Bella continued to touch me, and touch me often. Sometimes it was just a friendly pat on the arm, or her head leaning on my shoulder, but other times she would do things that were not quite the way friends touched. Like sometimes her hand would linger on mine a little longer than needed, and a few times she had traced her hands on my face. Not that I was complaining, I loved it, and I was totally guilty of the same thing. I hugged her when she looked like she needed it, and I would often touch her as much as I could. Every time we did, I could still feel that electrical pulse move between us, and once removed, I almost felt physical pain from its loss. I turned, and Bella was looking up at me expectantly. I looked into her big brown eyes and got lost in them, quickly forgetting any response I was going to give her.

"Listen, Edward," she said before lightly placing her hand on my forearm. "You can't allow people to do that to you. And I don't care if she was a customer, she shouldn't treat you like that. I mean, what if a man had done the same thing to me?"

"I'd kick his ass," I said, suddenly angry. I would hunt a man down if they ever laid a finger on her. The idea of someone doing to Bella what The Cougar had done to me was horrifying.

"Exactly. I'd get help or I would fight back. Just because you're a guy it doesn't mean you have to take something like that. So next time, fight back."

"I really hope there won't be a next time, but I promise I will."

"Good." Bella smiled and I swear, it was one of the sweetest smiles I had ever seen, and I sucked in a ragged breath. She was close enough to smell the scent of strawberries on her hair, and I could feel my mouth water. Bella's eyes unfocused for a moment and she licked her lips, seeming to break the motion mid lick (Oh dear Lord, that was hot), and looked down at her watch.

"Oh look! It's time for your break!" She held her wrist up to my face in order show me that it was in fact time for my lunch break, "Don't worry, I'll finish up here," Bella said before turning to put the rest of the books in order. I was still a bit staggered, so I just muttered an "okay", and left to take my lunch. Bella was such a bundle of contradictions and moods, it was sometimes hard to keep up with them, and today was no exception. The only question was, could I survive them without screwing this up?

I ended up going and getting a hot dog at vendor down the street, and decided to sit outside and eat my lunch since it was a beautiful day. It was sunny and warm, but not overwhelmingly so. Seeing as it was almost the end of May, the humid heat of the summer in the city would be hitting soon, and I was glad that I at least got to work in an air-conditioned store all summer.

On that bench, my thoughts once again revolved around Bella. I was having a hard time figuring out what Bella exactly wanted from me since she would say one thing but do another. There was no doubt that she was attracted to me, I had seen enough proof of that, she liked me, and we were pretty much spending all of our time together, so why was she trying so hard to not move forward? We were practically dating already. She had told me that she was afraid of hurting me, but was that a real fear or just an excuse?

_Maybe there's someone else_, and that thought fucking scared me. Could there be someone else? Bella was attractive, smart, and fun to be with, so why wouldn't there be someone? But then, wouldn't she have mentioned something like that by now? If there was someone, I wanted to bash his face in.

Oh God, I'm jealous and willing to beat up a guy that may or may not even exist. Bella might be the one saying she's fucked up, but I'm pretty sure that's not too far off the mark for me as well.

This was all foreign to me, I had never felt this way about a woman, and I was not used to have all theses intense feelings. On top of that, it was epically frustrating having these feelings not knowing if Bella would ever feel the same way.

I had never ever been so completely entranced by woman before in my life. Even with Tanya, who I considered the love of my life even after she stomped on my heart I had cared for Tanya immensely, and since we were together for so long, loving her seemed like the natural thing to do.

We were so young when we got together, and we only started dating after I felt her up at our school dance, and we just sort of fell into being boyfriend and girlfriend. She was pretty, smart, and completely appropriate. But I never really wanted to _know_ her, she had never made want to unravel her secrets, never mystified and entranced me, and never in our entire four year relationship, had made me feel as comfortable as Bella had in the last few weeks.

The logical part of my brain told me this could become very complicated, that falling for someone this fast was already heading for disaster, creating the great likelihood that I could get my heart crushed, again. The question was, did I want to risk it?

Barely contemplating that for minute , I knew my answer.

Of course I did. Falling for Bella could either be the best decision of my life, or the worst. It could bring me undeniable joy, or bring me pain worse than anything I have ever felt before. But the mere chance that it could be wonderful was enough for me to want to try. My heart be damned.

∗∗∗∗

After I had finished lunch, I felt a little more at ease, having made a decision about what I wanted to do, or I guess, let me feel the way I wanted to feel and not fight it. All I had to do now was try, and hope that everything would work out in the end. It didn't end all my troubled thoughts, but helped alleviate it some.

I was walking back to my section when I heard someone yelling from over in the history section. It was a man's voice, and he seemed pretty irate. I wandered over to where the sound was coming from, and was about to pick up one of the in store phones to call for someone, but I distinctly heard Bella's voice trying to diffuse the situation, though from the sounds of it, she wasn't having much luck.

"You are the largest store in the area! What the hell do you mean you don't have it?" the man yelled, and instead of picking the phone up and calling security, I began to move quickly to where I would find them.

"I'm sorry Sir, we just don't have it in stock right now. It's a limited edi-"

"I don't care if it's a God damn limited edition, your store promises to have any book any one could possibly need! And YOU don't have this one?" He was continuing to sound more and more angry, and I really wanted to know why he was getting so worked up over some book.

"Again, I apologize for the inconvenience, but we don't currently have the book in stock. We can order it though, and have the book here in a couple of weeks," Bella replied politely, although I could hear in her voice that she wasn't going to let him walk all over her. _Good girl, stand up for yourself. _

I found them just as the man was getting right into her face, snarling and pointing his finger at her. "I don't want to order it in you little bitch! You're supposed to fucking have it in!" In that moment, I saw Bella's face go white, and she immediately began to cower, bringing her hands up as if she was trying to protect herself from impending blows. She looked terrified. I don't know what came over me, but I felt the overwhelming need to protect her, and running faster than I had ever run in my life, I pushed myself in between Bella and the man, acting as a sort of shield for her.

"What's going on here?" I said, thick with anger. The man was surprised by my sudden appearance, but he still seemed irate.

"I was looking for this book, and this little bitch told me it wasn't in." I could smell alcohol on his breath now that I was close, and I wanted slug him in the mouth for calling Bella a name like that. He obviously didn't know how to treat women properly.

"Well, when we say it isn't in, it isn't in. We're not hiding it in the back somewhere just to fuck with you." I was fuming, and I realized in the back of my mind that I was now also yelling, but I didn't care. He needed to be taught a lesson. "Furthermore, you do not speak to her like that, or speak to any woman like that for that matter. She was trying to help you dickwad, treat her with some respect. Or maybe you're drunk ass is too stupid to fucking care what you say to her." I could feel my muscles tensing in my arms, and I was ready to punch this guy in the jaw at any moment. " You better leave now, before I do something I'll regret."

"Why you little shi-" He began to get into my face, and that pushed me over the edge. Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I grabbed the man by his collar, and pulled him to me. He was much older than I was, but I was at least several inches taller, so I towered over him.

"Leave. Now." I snarled, and I could feel the fire in both my eyes and my voice as I said it. The man took me seriously now, and nodded in what looked like fear. I let go of him, almost flinging him away from me, and he left without a word. The adrenaline was still coursing through my body, and I felt like I was on a strange high. I didn't know I was capable of acting like that, and no one had ever been physically scared of me, at least that I knew of. The need to protect Bella had completely taken over.

Once I made sure the man was far away from us, and I turned to look at Bella. What I found when I did frightened me to my very core.

She was now sitting against the wall behind her, her knees to her chest, and she was rocking back and forth. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her hands were over her ears. I walked towards her slowly, like she was a frightened deer about to bolt, and as I got closer I noticed that she was shaking and muttering to herself.

"Stop, please. no no no no no no no…"

"Bella? Are you okay?" I asked softly, but she didn't seem to hear me. If anything, her muttering started going quicker and her body seemed to vibrate harder. It was fucking terrifying to watch her breakdown.

"Shh, Bella. It's just me, Edward. Can you hear me?"

"Please make it stop," Bella said, and her voice sounded so far away, I wasn't sure if she was responding to me or whatever had her trapped in her head. I reached my hand out to touch her knee, but she flinched.

"I promise I'll make it stop, okay?" I said calmly, even though I had no idea at all how to do that. Bella's shuddering lessened a fraction, so I tried to touch her once again, moving to my knees so I was eye level with her, tentatively placing my hand on her knee. She flinched initially at the contact, but then she seemed calm down a little bit more. Still leaving one of my hands on her knee, I used the other to pry her hands off ears. Her arms and hands were stiff, but I managed to remove them without hurting her.

"Bella, honey? You need to tell me how to help you," I tried, hoping that now that her hands gone from her ears she could hear me. I raised my hand that was at her knee and moved it to her cheek, rubbing circles with my thumb. It had seemed to work last time when she was upset at the coffee shop, and I hoped it wouldn't hurt now.

"Edward?" she asked.

"Yes, hun. It's me." I didn't know where 'hun' and 'honey' were coming from, but it seemed to fit for right now. Bella slowly opened her eyes, looking like she was afraid about what she would see there.

"Edward." Her face relaxed, but now that I could see her eyes, I could see that they were blank, and the shadows under her eyes seemed even more pronounced.

"Bella, please. You need to tell me what do. Tell me how to help."

"Keep me here with you," she answered, her voice still so scared.

"I'm here," I replied, but Bella started shuddering harder again, so I grabbed her gently by the arms and pulled her into my lap, so that she was cradled against my chest. I rocked both of us back and forth, holding her tight to me, trying to protect her from whatever was haunting her now. I needed to keep her safe and keep myself from losing it and going after that asshole who started all this. I had never felt so much anger and rage in my life.

Bella was crying quietly into my shirt, and I could feel her tears coming through it. She was mumbling almost incoherently, muffled partly by my chest, but I was able to pick up some of it. She kept telling me to stay, and crying my name. I told her that it was going to be alright, that I was there, and that she was safe now. I rocked her for a few minutes, and she seemed to calm down a bit. After a while, my back began to hurt from the awkward position I was in, so I pulled Bella closer and turned slowly so that I could lean against the wall. I pressed my lips to her head and breathed her in, smelling strawberries again. I kept my arms around her, tucked her under my chin, and we sat still for an immeasurable amount of time until Bella began to still, and the only sounds that could be heard were her quiet sobs.

I don't know how long we sat there, but it seemed like hours. I knew I should have called somebody, but she seemed so fragile that I feared if I moved her now, even just to call for help, she would break. So I just sat there, holding her.

"What the…?" I heard someone call out, and I looked up to find Betty standing in front of us. What is it with all the people who worked here? Did they take special classes on how to quietly sneak up on people?

Betty looked at me, and then to Bella's huddled form, and then back to me.

"Edward, what the hell happened? Is she alright?" She seemed genuinely concerned, and I was briefly glad that Bella had other people who cared for her, even if she didn't think so.

"I don't know. I mean, I think she is now. Some jerk was yelling at her about not having some book in stock, and she was fine until he got in her face, and that's when she just broke." I said, and I shuddered from the memory, seeing clearly how pale she turned and how the light left her eyes.

"Did he hurt her?" Bella flinched a little, and I squeezed her tighter.

"No, I stopped him before he could do anything. Made him leave the store."

"How did you stop him?" I imagined Betty was worrying about whether she had to worry about a lawsuit.

"Scared him, I guess," I shrugged, and Betty's eyes widened in disbelief. I didn't know whether I should be offended by that or not.

"Should we get her to a hospital?" Betty asked, and Bella's eyes bolted open with fear.

"No! No hospitals!"

"But Bella honey, maybe you should-" I pleaded before she interrupted me again.

"No hospitals!" she yelped before burying her face back into my chest.

"Well we need to get her out of here regardless. Let's take her to the breakroom and then we'll figure out something from there." I nodded and moved to get up, pulling my arms under Bella's legs and back to support her as I carried her, Betty hovering over me until I was standing upright. Once I was standing, I noticed how light Bella actually was, and I was again struck about how fragile she was.

Betty walked in front of me as we walked to the breakroom, I guess to make sure that there weren't any impressionable customers that we could frighten. Once we got there, I sat down on sofa and continued to hold Bella close to me. She was quiet, and I didn't know if she was asleep or just out of it.

"Maybe we should call someone, family maybe?" Betty suggested. I was surprised that Betty didn't know that Bella didn't have family to call, they had been working for at least a couple of years with each other.

I shook my head. "She has no family, not any I know of anyways. She mentioned a few times that she had a friend called Rosalie. She may know what to do." Betty nodded and I shifted Bella so Betty could remove her phone from her pocket. Bella didn't stir when I did that, and that worried me.

Betty called Rosalie, and I placed another kiss on top of Bella's head while her back was turned. They had a short conversation in which I barely paid attention to, and when she was done, she told me that Rosalie would be here soon to pick Bella up and take her home. I nodded my head, and all three of us sat in silence until there was knock at the door. Betty went to open it, and standing in the door was a very blonde, and very pretty woman. She was tall and lithe, and she held her self with an regal air.

If I was ever intimidated by a woman before, they didn't hold a candle to Rosalie. Her brilliant blue eyes flicked to me, then to Bella in my arms, and she looked furious.

"What the hell did you do to her?" she fumed as she moved take Bella from me. I wasn't having that, and kept her tight to my chest.

"I didn't do anything. Some asshole was yelling at her and she just broke down. I was able to get the guy away from her, but she was already to upset, and now I don't know what's wrong," I said, looking down at Bella. I was still worried about her, she was just so _still_. Her even breathing was the only comfort that she was okay, physically at least.

"And who are you_? _Rose asked. She was still angry, but not as much as when she thought I did something to make Bella like this.

"I'm Edward, Bella's, er, friend." I looked at Rose and her faced softened.

"So you're Edward Cullen. Bella talks a lot about you. I'm Rosalie Hale," she said with a small smile.

"I would shake your hand, but well," I looked pointedly to Bella, and Rose moved closer so she could sit on the coffee table in front of us.

"Does this happen often?" I asked, still looking at Bella.

"Not often, but it does happen. Maybe a few times a year? I don't really know. She has these triggers that just cause her to fold into herself." Rosalie sighed before patting Bella's head; it was a very mother-like gesture. "I don't know what causes them, she never talks about it."

"Is she alright?" I asked, my voice filled with worry.

"She will be. I just need to get her home now and into bed."

"Okay," I was relieved that Rosalie seemed to think that Bella would be okay, but I didn't want to leave her. It was actually causing me anxiety just thinking of letting her go. I knew that I couldn't just sit with her all day like this, so I obliged and took Bella to Rosalie's car. Bella didn't want to let go of me as we were to trying to put her in, and I had to pry her fingers off my shirt. She whimpered as I placed her in the passenger seat, and my heart stung. I had to let her go then, and it killed me to do it, but would could I do? I had no clue how to help Bella.

Rosalie promised to call me later to tell me how Bella was, and she let me know that she would be staying with her until she was better. I felt a little better knowing that Bella wouldn't be alone, but a big part of me wished it was me who was taking care of her.

I spent the rest of my shift in a haze, not really paying attention to anything. I was so worried and in my own head that a customer had to repeat a question three times before I understood what they were asking for. The shift seemed to drag on, until finally I was able to leave. I checked my phone as I was leaving, but there was still no messages from Rosalie or Bella.

I was not happy.

Once I was home, I took a shower to try and take my mind off what happened, but I kept seeing Bella's frightened face in my mind. I quickly gave up on that and laid down on my couch to wait for the call from Rosalie that would let me know Bella was alright. She had to be alright.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up, it was dark in my apartment and the only light was coming from the screen of my iphone. I picked it up groggily and saw that I had one new voicemail. Crap! I missed her phone call!

"Hi Edward, it's Rosalie Hale. I'm just calling to let you know that Bella's okay. She's up now, so that's a good sign. She can't call you herself right now, but she wanted to let you know that she won't be at work for a few days, so don't get her anything. I didn't really get that part, but maybe you do? Anyways, she said she'll call you sometime later, when she can." There was a long pause and I thought that was the end of the message, but then I heard Rosalie talk again.

"It was a bad one this time, I can tell. But I'm glad you were there Edward. It could have been so much worse if you weren't. So I guess thank you, and call me if you need to, okay? Thanks again. Bye." The message ended and I was left staring at my phone. What did she mean that it could have been worse? What I had witnessed today was horrible, and it could be worse? My stomach retched, finally grasping what Bella had been saying all along. She was being tormented by something, and it was effecting her more then I ever could have imagined before.

What was worse was that there was nothing I could do. It had killed me to see her like that, so helpless, so fragile. How was I supposed to protect her when what she was afraid of was in her own head?

I stared at the ceiling for a long time before falling into a restless sleep. I hoped Bella would have called me in the morning, but there was nothing. I went to work halfheartedly, knowing that Bella wouldn't be there.

Bella didn't call that evening. Or the next day. I didn't see Bella, or even hear from her for almost a week. And when I did see her, I didn't like what I saw.

**A/N: Hmmm, I left a cliffy. Muhahaha! I have twitter, so follow me at ayfbird.**

** Also check out my profile for manips, and you can read chapters at www[dot]alwaysyourflightlessbird[dot]blogspot[dot]com**


	7. Chapter 7

** A/N: Sorry for the slow update, RL sucks sometimes. Thanks always to Nancy for Betaing and a special thanks to _Two Makes Three_ author, xXTailoredDreamsXx fic, for suggesting my story *MUAH*.**

**Next chapter will be back to the regular format of both POV's in a chapter.  
**

**BPOV **

_What the hell are you doing? This is not the plan! Don't do what I think you're going to do… WHAT DID I JUST SAY? Unbelievable. _

This is what I was thinking when my body decided not to listen to my brain anymore, and just did whatever the fuck it wanted. to. My brain was all about practicality, but my body was like, 'hey, let's flirt with Cullen some more'.

I don't know if it was the "seeing Jesus, it's so good" brownie that had just passed my lips, which I think may have given me a mini orgasm, or that I was a little off because of my Edward interruption in my first dream, and then my and subsequent nightmare, but fuck me if I wasn't trying to feed the thing to him now.

Having nearly cum from that little piece of heaven, and I wanted him to experience the deliciousness himself. I could have just been like 'Hey, try this brownie. It's awesome.', or even a more vulgar version ' Fuck, Cullen. Take some of this brownie, it's better than sex,', but no, my body decided it would be a good idea to put it up to his lips and feed it to him. Slowly.

I watched him take the food, pulling it slowly from the fork between his lips, and I began to feel a warm sensation spread below my stomach to my holy land, and it exploded as he groaned in satisfaction. It was so primal and it was sexy as hell; I wanted to record it and make it my ringtone so I could I hear it multiple times a day.

I was getting increasingly heated, and I thought I couldn't possibly get anymore so from watching Edward eat, but then he opened his eyes and muttered something that I didn't even comprehend. I was too focused on his eyes, gulping to keep the fire down in my own body.

His liquid blue eyes were now looking like an ocean set on fire; all focused on me and burning with need.

In the few days I had known Edward, I had never seen him look like this. It was just so…animalistic, like he was going to jump over the table and take me right here. The visual came up for that in my head almost immediately and it did not help my arousal one bit. I felt a blush creep up my entire body, praying that he didn't notice it, but by the look in his eyes a second later, my prayers were in vain. His gaze was so intent on me that I had to look down and eat the rest of my brownie as a distraction before I jumped him myself.

_Then why don't you?_, my apparently horny thoughts told me. _You're the one who brought this all on. _It was a very tempting thought, but I couldn't do it, not with Edward. He would not be like the others. If we did that, it would change everything, and I would undoubtedly lose him as my friend. I didn't care how much my body wanted to be fucked into oblivion by the Greek god in front of me, I would not do it.

I still didn't understand why I had fed him in the first place! Could I deep down want Edward to want me as more than just as a friend, and this was my way of testing him? Maybe. Edward was quickly becoming my anchor in the tumultuous sea that was my existence, he was also funny, thoughtful, and caring. Add being beautiful beyond all reason, and Edward was the full package. I needed him and I was attracted to him. Of course I would want to jump his bones. The fact that I was even getting turned on from his actions was obvious that Edward passed the test. _Fuck, this is getting complicated. _

"I told you," I mumbled, staring at what was left of my food, before eating the rest of it quickly. I looked up tentatively and met Edward's eyes again, gasping when I saw his eyes were burning even more, like they could burn me down to my soul.

No, this can't be happening. I had spent all this time worrying about getting in too deep with Edward, I hadn't worried about Edward getting in too deep with me, and with that look, I knew he was. Shit, this wasn't supposed to happen.

I was so wrapped up in my own head that I didn't even hear what Edward was asking me, only vaguely realizing he was speaking at all. I was just looking at the space between us, trying to figure out what to do. There were two sides battling within me. The one side, which was my intention to keep Edward as my friend in order to protect him and myself, was strong; but the new side, the side that wanted Edward in every way I could, was growing stronger. That side didn't care what would happen if I gave in, and I really wanted to give in. I could only imagine how _good _that would feel. The only reason that side wasn't winning now was because my desire to protect Edward from myself was its greatest weapon. The broken pieces of myself were sharp, and I refused to let Edward be cut by its jagged edges. It was a crushing thought, but it was necessary.

_This is wrong. _If it hurt so much to think that, then how could something that felt so good be wrong? I had to remind myself that yeah, it felt good for me now, but what about later? And what about Edward? It wouldn't feel good forever for him either. I would crush him someday, I knew it.

I suddenly felt a hand on mine, and I felt electricity pulse through my veins; it was like I had the power switched off in my body, only for it to be turned on again once Edward touched me. It wasn't painful, more like a rush of energy and feeling, and just… everything. I was so surprised, my mouth opened and I felt my eyes go as wide as saucers.

"You mean this?" Edward asked, bringing me out of my thoughts. Fuck, did I say that out loud? He sounded angry, I didn't want him to sound angry. _Jesus Bella, get it together! _

I tried to move my hand away so I could, I don't know, stop feeling so much, but he wouldn't let me. He increased his hold on my hand and put his finger under my chin, tilting my head up so I had to look at him. I didn't look at his eyes though, I was afraid of what I might see there. I wasn't sure if I was more worried about the anger that could be there, or a deeper emotion that would frighten me just as much.

"Bella, look at me." And I couldn't help myself, he was my magnet. I looked at him tentatively, and I didn't see anger, or even lust, all I saw was caring and…something else, something deeper. "Why is this wrong?" he probed, while his eyes searched mine.

"It will hurt," I simply said, watching as his face first became confused, then aware. His eyes were still probing and it was making me uncomfortable, so I tried to pry my face away from his finger. Edward wasn't having that, and he moved his hand so he could cup the entire right side of my face, rubbing circles there. His hand was so warm, and it just felt so right there, the world could fall away right now and I wouldn't notice. If the current was strong on my hand, it was fucking mind-blowing on my face.

"I could never hurt you," he said softly, and I believed him. In his eyes were only sincerity, and they were begging him for me to trust him. What he didn't know was that I already did. I trusted him far more than I even trusted myself.

My heart was surging, and I had to close my eyes before I started crying again. Edward's hand was still on my face, and it felt so perfect there. His thumb was soothing, and it helped keep down the panic that had begun to rise in my chest. I leaned into his hand, mentally recording how the sensation felt so I could remember it always, before removing his hand and placing it back on the table. I kept my hands on his for a moment longer than necessary to revel in the electrical feeling, before I placed mine safely under the table. It had to be the last touch. _It had to. _

"I'm not worried about myself," I looked down towards the wood grain, not allowing myself to get trapped by his eyes again. I had to let him in a little, didn't I? He wouldn't want to hear my whole sob story, nor did I really want him to, but he deserved some explanation of why he shouldn't get close to me.

Ugh, that would be uncomfortable conversation to have. _So Edward, I have had a pretty traumatic past that interferes with my daily life, and there is a good chance I will damage you in some way if I stay with you, so it's better if we don't do this, 'kay? _Oh yeah, it would be just like talking about fluffy bunnies and furry kittens. Real pleasurable.

I was so into my inner monologue that I didn't even notice that a server had brought Edward's sandwich until I could see, out of the corner of my eye, her shoving her boobs in his face as she placed the food down in front of him. I looked up to see that he was pretty fucking oblivious, paying more attention to his food than the bimbo who was trying to fuck him with her eyes and chest right now. I didn't like how she was staring at him, like he was a piece of meat. I nearly had a _Mean Girls_ moment, and I was about to Cadie on her ass and jump over the table and start attacking this blonde bitch like an animal. I was however pleased that he wasn't paying much attention to her.

Holy shit, when did I become so possessive? He's not even mine! I didn't want him to be mine.

Okay, I did, but I had no right to have a claim over him, to be jealous of this woman, or any other woman for that matter. It wasn't logical to turn him away but then expect him to turn down all other women. _Damn my stupid, stupid brain. _

Edward finally looked from his sandwich to the waitress, who I just noticed has a nametag that was perched right on her left breast with the name "Jessica" on it. Seeing that she had finally caught his attention, she licked her lips and smiled like she had won the damn lottery. I could see why, Edward was gorgeous, but come on! For all she knew he was on a date with me, which technically we were, even though it was a 'friend date', but she didn't know that.

I watched as Edward muttered out a thank you, looking a little confused, and I smiled inwardly when Edward flinched away from her touch.

"If there is _anything_ else you need, please let me know," she said with a wink, and I felt my hand go into fists underneath the table. _Oh no you didn't bitch! _I rolled my eyes as she walked away, swinging her ass like she was on some runway or something.

" 'I'm Jessica, and I like to stick my boobs in attractive men' s faces at my crappy job.' Stupid, cheap ass blonde." I said under my breath and acting rather childlike.

"So, did that girl run over your cat or something?" Edward looked a little amused, though a bit confused. at me.

"Pfft, some people lack professionalism these days," I snorted before giving my best bitch face towards Jessica's general direction.

"I thought she was professional," he shrugged while taking a bite of his sandwich. Oh my god. Was he really that oblivious?

"You can't be serious, she was practically drooling all over you. I thought she would straddle you right here." I watched as Edward's face moved from confusion to amusement, and he looked a little smug.

"Really?" he asked, turning to look in Jessica's direction, but I wasn't going to let him have another look, so I hit his arm. He looked back at me with his stupid crooked smile, and all thoughts dropped out of my head, taking me more than a few seconds to recover.

_Damn you and your beautiful crooked smile, Cullen. _

"Jesus, Edward! Are you really that unaware of yourself that you don't notice the way most women look at you? How they're willing to throw themselves at you? Miss blonde hussy over there…"

"Did you just say 'hussy'?" Edward interrupted, and it was his turn for the bitchbrow. However, Edward just looked more amused, and I fought the urge to hit him again.

"Sorry," he said in apology, but his face was anything but apologetic. He was having fun with this.

"I did, but like I was saying before you so _rudely _interrupted me." Edward laughed at me, trying to cover it up with a cough and failing miserably. I continued, ignoring him. "She is just the most blatant one so far today. You probably didn't even notice how most of the women in this shop looked at you when you walked in. How they are looking at you _now _" I motioned for him to follow my gaze, seeing at least two women ogling him from their seats. He did, and he looked surprised before blushing and looking down at his food.

"I guess I never really notice these things, I spend a lot time in my own head." He shrugged, and I couldn't believe it. He had to know the effect he had on women, how his mere presence in a room made any female take notice? He must be saying it to be humble. He had to be.

"So you're honestly telling me you don't notice that women find you beautiful beyond all reason?" I asked, before noticing what I just said. Out loud. _Shit shit shit shit! _Edward looked like he couldn't believe what I said either, then he looked incredulous, before settling on amusement again. _Oh God this is embarrassing!_

"Excuse me?" Yep, definitely amused. "What did you just call me?" he asked, barely hiding his smile. _Smug bastard. _

"Hmm?" I was trying to play dumb, albeit stupidly, since I knew I was blushing and I was a horrible liar anyways, and Edward totally called my bluff. He was leaning in, his face inches away from mine, and his breath was fawning all over my face. I almost had to remember that I was supposed to be embarrassed at the moment.

"I'm beautiful beyond all reason, huh?" Edward said, raising his eyebrows and being all smug.

"Like you didn't know that already." Because honestly, how could he not? He did own a mirror at home, yes?

"No, I didn't know that _you _thought of _me_ that way." A huge smile broke out on his face and I couldn't believe that it was possible, but I actually was more mortified than I was before.

I wanted to answer him with some witty retort, but I couldn't, I had no words. He had caught me again. I think I really need to work on my verbal filter when I'm around him. Either that, or Edward is far more observant than I give him credit for.

"Smug bastard," I mumbled, though I had a slight smile on my face. It was hard to stay annoyed with him; his smile was infectious.

"Fine. I think you're beautiful-" I said, looking down at my hands.

"Beyond all reason."

"Yes, beyond all reason. Can we drop it now?"

"Sure," he laughed again, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him. "Though, just so you know, I don't think that's an apt description for myself. I think it fits better for someone else."

What? Was he interested in someone else? Wait, that would mean

that I wanted him to be interested in me. Which I didn't. Kind of, maybe. Okay, I wanted him to be interested in me, but he shouldn't.

There, happy now? You got it out of me.

When I didn't get it, Edward looked at me pointedly, and I couldn't believe it. He thought I was beautiful? No one had ever told me that before. Well he didn't exactly say it out loud but the sentiment was there all the same. I don't know if it's like this for every girl, but having a man call you beautiful is nothing like being called "hot" or "cute", or even "pretty". I have been called those words before, but beautiful, never had I heard that word describe me. My heart surged and I felt tears prick my eyes. _Oh please don't let me cry again._

"Me?" I asked, looking around me. It would be just my luck he was actually looking at someone else instead of me, and I was being all foolish for nothing. There was no one there.

"Yes, you," he said as if I would be crazy not to think he was talking about me. I was wrong. Edward wasn't the unobservant one, I was.

"You continue to surprise me, Cullen." I smiled at him, trying to put all my gratitude for him in that one smile. He smiled back, and my God, it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I shook my head, thinking how much this man intoxicated me with his mere presence; how a smile, a word, or a look could make me lose my capability of coherent thought. Edward was a dangerous one for me, that's for sure.

"You're ability to go from a smug bastard to saying something like that… now that's amazing." I joked, but there was sincerity there. I don't think he knew how truly amazing he made me feel.

"You know what's amazing?" Edward smiled before taking another bit of his sandwich.

"And what would that be?" I was watching him eat, and I'll be damned if he wasn't beautiful doing that too.

I was looking at my latte before taking a sip when Edward responded.

"You're ability to distract from a conversation," he said seriously, and fuck, I knew he was right. I had distracted him from what I was going to tell him. I honestly hadn't consciously done it, but I didn't try to pick the conversation back up either. I felt horrible that he could see through so easily, and I hated that I had to have this conversation with him.

Even though I knew that I wanted him, and wanted him to want me, I had to do the right thing. Well, that's what I was trying to tell myself anyways.

"Bella," he said, looking into my eyes. Damn, _that_ nearly broke me right there, but I had to be strong. "What did you mean, you're not worried about yourself?" He looked worried about me, and I hated that. His eyes were so intense, I had to move away and close my eyes to get away from them if I wanted to get the words out I wanted to say.

"It's not me I'm worried about getting hurt. I've been hurt plenty of times in my life, and I've survived," I admitted.

Edward looked confused. "Then who…" he trailed off.

"You, Edward. You'll get hurt, and I can't have that happen. Not ever." He had to understand. It would be better this way, he had to believe me.

"I…don't understand." He was confused, and I really didn't want to get into more detail, but it looked like I would have to.

"Eat your sandwich," I said, because he was seriously ignoring it and I thought he would maybe take what I had to say better on a full stomach. At least I hoped that anyway. He eyed me before taking bite, his eyes never leaving mine as he ate.

"I wasn't joking when I said I was fucked up. You don't know the shades of fucked up I am," I told him, and I saw him flinch.

"I've been through shit I'm not going to describe here, but Edward, you have to understand, it's not a good idea to get close to me." I really hated that this was true. I would give anything in the world to be an undamaged, happy person.

He looked almost angry when he replied, and I was taken aback. "I don't believe that," he hissed.

"You have to believe me."

"Bella, I _want _to be your friend. So can't we just try?" he pleaded, and he looked like he was in pain. I had to close my eyes to stop myself from crying again.

"We can't." I had lost all the fight in me, and I wanted to give in so badly. It would be so easy to say 'yes Edward, we can be friends.' It would stop him from hurting, and stop me from hurting. But I was pretty sure neither of us really wanted to be only friends at this point. I needed to put a stop to this now.

"Why not? And don't give that hurting me bullshit, because Bella, I can take care of myself, and if I get hurt, so be it. It won't be the first time."

Edward was angry, and rightfully so; I was pretty much saying no with little or no explanation. He finished his sandwich and was looking down, this time refusing to look at me. I felt a pang of hurt, and I guessed that's what he felt when I couldn't look at him. Frankly, it sucked.

I couldn't stop myself, I had to comfort him, and I placed my hand on his, immediately feeling relief in his contact and the buzz of electricity that hummed between us. Edward looked up surprised, and I tried to make my face as soft as possible.

"I want to be your friend too. Despite what you've seen of me the past few days, you have made my life a lot better lately." I smiled, and it was true.

Someone remind me why I was doing this again? Oh yes, for him not you.

"But?" he said, because he already knew me all too well.

"But, I can't. We can't. I already c-" There was that word vomit again, and I almost said 'I already care for you too much' but I was literally saved by the bell when my cell phone rang. _Thank God. _Telling him I cared about him too much would not be helping me in this situation.

I grabbed my bag, and searched it, internally cursing myself for owning such a large one since I couldn't never find anything in it, and almost sighed in relief when I finally found my phone. My relief however was short lived, when I saw who was calling me. I frowned down at my phone. I did not want to talk to him right now.

"I have to take this, is that alright?" I asked, and Edward just nodded, staring at the place our hands used to be.

"Hey," I said into the phone as I walked from the table to go outside. I didn't want Edward to hear this conversation.

"Hey, Bells!" The cheerful voice on the other end called, and I cringed. How can one person be so damn sunny and positive all the time? "How's it going?"

"Working long hours for little money. You know, the usual."

"So not missing me too much?" he joked. I hadn't missed him at all really. I actually forgot that he existed up until now, and I knew exactly why that was.

"I'm surviving." I wasn't wholly into this conversation instead, I was watching Edward through the front window as he rubbed his hands on his face and through his hair, making it look like a tornado just went through it.

"Bella? Are you still there?" I had totally forgotten that I was talking on the phone due to my Edward ogling.

"Yeah, sorry. I was distracted. So what's up?" I asked, wondering why he was calling. We hadn't talked for over a month. Since he left New York, actually.

He sounded nervous and awkward. "I err, well, my dad is doing better now, a lot better actually, and I think I may murder him if we spend much more time around each other…" _Okay, get to the point. "_So I wanted to let you know I'll probably be back in town by the end of the month." Oh. Ohhh. Now I knew why he was calling me out of the blue.

"Oh," I brilliantly said. I didn't know how to do this, at least not over the phone.

"Yeah, so if you want to hang out when I'm back…"

"Uh," I stalled.

He ignored me as he rushed through the rest of his words. "Listen, my dad is bugging me to go fishing with him so I have to go, but I'll call you when I get back to New York, 'kay?"

"Okay," I said. At least I could talk to him in person when he was back in the city. Not that I knew what I would say, or what I wanted, but it gave me a month to figure it out.

"Bye Bells. I miss you."

"See you, Jake." I hung up before he could respond and immediately felt guilty.

_Really, I have this shit on top of everything else?_ I groaned and tried to push this Jake business out of my head, turning to look at Edward again. He looked frustrated with something, and then he slammed his head down on the table. I jumped, worried that he had passed out or something, but I could see his hands move to his hair again, so I assumed he was okay. I took the time outside to myself to think.

I knew I didn't want whatever Jake and I had before he left, it wasn't that special anyways. And I wasn't interested in starting something else with him, even though he looked like he did. _Ugh_, that would be a mine field to navigate.

So what did I want then? I didn't want to be alone, as much as I tried to keep myself that way, I knew I didn't want that. And as much as I wanted to tell myself that I didn't know what I wanted, I knew it was lie.

What I wanted had been the focus of my life since he entered it. What I wanted was someone who had known me for three days but it felt like I had known him a lifetime. I was hurting the one I wanted, and I hated myself for it. My rational side said I should just let things be. He made me happy, and he seemed to be happy with me, except for when I was trying to leave him, so maybe I should just give in?

How bad could it be? He said he knew what he was doing, so why not give in and be friends?

Being more than that with Edward would get too complicated, but friends? I could do that, I just hoped he could.

I took a deep breath before walking back into the store, preparing myself to give in and not fight anymore. It was terrifying but oddly relieving in a way. Maybe it was just that I knew I would be closer to Edward soon, and my body knew I could relax around him. He seemed just as relieved as I was when he saw me, and I could tell he was ridiculously happy when I told him we could still be friends. His stupid infectious grin made me all giddy inside, and I was glad I did this. Glad I gave in, even just a little bit.

Looking back, I know this day was significant for me, even though I wouldn't fully realize its significance until later. But on that sunny day in early May, staring at the beautiful bronzed haired boy through a coffee shop window, I gave in.

Little did I know what truly happened when I gave in that day.

I started to fall in love.

The next few weeks were both simultaneously heaven and hell for me. It was heaven because Edward and I were nearly attached at the hip. We talked everyday, even if we weren't working together, and I wouldn't go a few days without seeing him.

It was hell because the nightmares had become almost nightly now. That hadn't happened since the first few years after my mother's death, so I was really confused as to why it was happening now. They left me feeling ragged, tired and depressed, the only light being my days with Edward.

When I was with him, I would feel so light and buoyant, like I wasn't the messed up person with the horrible past. I felt like I could just be normal_. _Edward made me laugh, smile, and as ridiculous and lame as it sounds, I felt like he had made me glow from the inside out.

Our phone conversations started taking up half the night. And then there were the times that I tried to be a nice friend and decided I would make sure he was up, you know, as a back up.

Alright, and maybe I just wanted to hear his voice again. More than maybe.

Shut up.

"gahelos?" A voice groaned out; he sounded like wounded animal.

"Was that supposed to be 'hello' ?"

"Bella?" Edward yawned, sounding a tad more coherent. "Why are you calling so early?" He sounded so sleepy, and I pictured him all cuddled up in his sheets. I wondered what he wore to bed? Pj's? Boxers? Or nothing at all? God damn it, now I was picturing Edward naked, and as glorious that could potentially be, (who am I kidding, the Greek god with no clothes on? God help me!), it would not be helpful if I thought of my friend that way. Which I did. A lot. I shook my head to try to remove the images from my head, and tried to sound a little more coherent than Edward when I responded.

"We have a meeting to go to this morning." _Do not think of Edward naked. Do not think of Edward naked. Do not think of the happy trail you got a glimpse of the other day. Do not think of how soft the hair looked there, or how it dragged your eyes to the V at his hips…_ Oh my, I may have just had an aneurism. Or an orgasm, which ever.

"Yeah, I know that Bella. That's why I set an alarm," Edward said, chuckling and bringing me out of my semi-perverted fantasies about him. Good thing Edward couldn't see me right now, if he did, he'd see I was pink from head to toe.

"I figured you did. I just wanted to make sure youweren't going to sleep in, and by the sound of your voice, it sounds like you did."

"I did not. It's only 7 A.M." Poor Edward, I was really hated having to do this to him.

"Uh, I would check that clock again Edward. It's eight."

"What? You've got to be kidding me! I could have sworn it was just seven!" I heard him rustle around, I assumed to actually see if it was in fact eight, and not that I was shitting him. "Fuck." Edward kept muttering into the phone, it was actually kind of humorous, his panicking. I was hearing things shuffle around in the background, and then I heard him huffing a little farther a way from the receiver.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm changing for work. What does it sound like I'm doing?" Oh, he was cranky. Note to self, Edward is NOT a morning person.

"If you're changing, then why are you talking to me?" The knowledge that he was not fully dressed at the moment was not helping the plan to not think of Edward in perverted ways.

"Huh?" his voice said, closer this time.

"Well, we're not exactly making great conversation here."

"Oh, I guess I… I guess I didn't think of that." He sounded like he wanted to say something else, but changed his mind at the last second. Maybe Edward just wanted to hear my voice as well? I smiled at the thought and began to feel that weird glowing feeling again.

"Tell you what Edward, why don't I let you finish getting ready and I'll see you when you get to work, okay?"

"Uh, sure." Edward still sounded groggy and I felt bad for the poor boy.

"I'll get coffee for us on the way," I promised, knowing that it would probably make him feel better.

Edward sighed. "Thanks. I owe you one."

"Hardly," I snorted. "Just doing my job, Cullen."

"Oh yeah, so you call all the other employees to make sure they're up and buy them coffee as well?" he laughed. Damn it, he got me again, and he knew it.

"Shut-up, Cullen," I snapped, using my go-to phrase as of late. I usually did it when he was being annoyingly observant, deflecting the truth from him and from myself.

"See you at work, Bella," he said before laughing once more.

"Don't be late," I answered curtly before hanging up. I had been dressed and ready to go before I called, so I was actually running a little early. I decided to forgo buying coffee on the way there, and made some of my own for us before I left. I thought I made a pretty decent cup of coffee, and really hoped Edward liked it.

You know what they say, a way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Wait, I didn't just say that. I didn't want a way to Edward's heart. _Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, _I'm pretty sure my brain rolled its metaphorical eyes at me.

After making coffee for the both of us and placing them into two reusable mugs, I grabbed a granola bar for myself, then went back for another, knowing that Edward wouldn't have time for breakfast, and rushed out the door. When I got there, I almost laughed when I saw him. His clothes were slightly crinkled, like he just picked up the first thing he saw on his bedroom floor, and his eyes looked lazy, almost like he was sleeping standing up. His hair was a complete and utter disaster, sticking up in every which way in some places, and flattened down in others.

"Here," I said, placing one of the mugs in Edward's hands. "You look like you need this." Edward took a sip and I could see him wake up a bit. I handed him the granola bar, and then began chewing on mine. He looked a bit surprised at the gesture, but started eating his own as well.

"You are a officially my hero now," he mumbled between bites.

"Is that so?" I looked at him, and he was giving me that damn crooked smile again, and I blushed, nearly dropping my coffee.

"Mhm. I may have to a erect a statue in your honour."

"Pfft. That won't be necessary." And I reddened because he had used the word 'erect'. _Oh god, what am I, a twelve year old boy? _

Edward had a full blown smile now, no doubt because of my obvious blushing, and his eyes were crinkling in an incredibly cute way. So cute, that I almost sighed out loud. Sweet, I had gone from twelve year old boy to a twelve year old girl in seconds._ Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a new record! _

"Hm, well, I could always sing to you." A wicked glint came to his eye, and shit he was going to actually do it, wasn't he?

"Oh please no, don't." I pleaded, looking at the other co-workers around the room, hoping that would prevent him from singing.

Edward saw me look around, and he winked at me. "Too late, Swan. Shouldn't have given me caffeine." He sucked in a breath and I jumped to try and put my hand over his mouth to stop him, but he jumped out of the way.

"Did you ever know that you're my hero," Edward sang, and even though he was fooling around, his voice was actually pretty pleasant sounding. His voice was sort of raspy, kind of like Jeff Buckley, and despite the very cheesy song choice, it sounded oddly soulful. I would probably pay good money to have him record that shit in a different situation.

"And ev'rything I would like to be?" People were looking at us now, and I could feel the embarrassment crawling up my skin.

"Oh god," I said, putting my face in my hands

"I can fly higher than an eagleeee," He laughed/sung and I ran and tried to cover his mouth with my hand. This time I was successful since I grabbed onto the back of his head with my other hand, but he kept on singing, his voice only now muffled by my hand. " 'cause you are the wind beneath my wings."

"Please stop. Or do you want to embarrass yourself more in front of our co-workers?" I could feel Edward smile beneath my hand, and he chuckled. I was vaguely aware that I still had my other hand gripped in his hair, and I resisted my urge to run my hands through it. It did feel very soft though.

"Fine, If it makes you happy, I'll stop," he mumbled underneath my hand. "Can you let go of me now? I'm sort of having a hard time breathing under here. "

"Breath through your nose then." I replied, still not letting go of him. Why was I not letting him go? If anything my grip got tighter.

"Bella…"

"What?"

"If you don't let go, I'll lick your hand." My eyes widened in surprise.

"You wouldn't…" I said, narrowing my eyes. He raised his eyebrows in return, and swiftly brought his hand around my wrist, holding my hand where it was. It took too long for me to figure out what he was doing, and when I did, it was too late. Edward glided his tongue up the middle of my hand, leaving a trail of wetness behind. I let go of him and jumped back, rubbing my palm on the side of my pants.

"Ew, Edward! Why the hell would you do that?" I yelped, ignoring the several people who had been staring at us since Edward started singing. He looked playful and smug. _Stupid, smug bastard. _

"I told you I was going to lick you if you didn't let go," he shrugged. I rolled my eyes at him, and moved back towards him. It was that damn magnet again, it always made sure we were never far apart when we were together.

"That was gross, don't ever do that again," I said looking up at him, while thinking _please, please do that again!_

"I make no promises, Swan," Edward replied, and the wicked look in his eyes came back. I pushed his head away with my hand, sneakily feeling his hair again, and Edward laughed. I rolled my eyes again, but I couldn't help chuckling with him.

A female voice cleared her throat behind me, and I looked to find Betty looking at us speculatively. Oh no, how long had she been watching us? "We're about to start the meeting, you guys ready to go?" she asked, eyeing me and then Edward. I shifted a little so I wasn't standing so close to him, putting some space between us.

"Yes, Betty." Edward answered, and she nodded her head before walking to the front of the room to start the meeting, but not before looking at me strangely again. Edward chuckled and leaned against the wall behind him, I followed, and after a few minutes, I noticed Edward was still smiling.

"What are you smiling at?" I whispered.

His grin widened but he kept his eyes on the front of the room. "It's nothing," he laughed quietly, and I wanted to smack him. I felt like I was being left out of an inside joke or something.

"Remind me to never give you coffee again," I huffed back, looking to the front and biting my lip. From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward turn to look at me. His face became serious, and I swear I saw him lick his lips in a very predatory way. I blushed and tried to distract myself by paying attention to Betty's presentation, not looking at Edward once. I did however, feel his eyes on me the entire time, and there it was. That glow again.

A few days later, I was sitting with Edward once again as he worked. I would usually sit and watch him work, admiring the view while I was there, and more often than not, I would ask one of the many questions that I had forgotten in our phone conversations. Edward claimed he didn't notice when women threw themselves at him. I couldn't understand it. He was a attractive, smart and funny guy, and I had even seen women fawn over him in the past. He remained humble, saying that he was awkward and clumsy. Yeah, I'll give him that. I had never seen a man with such a capacity to drop and trip over things, and he sometimes muttered an awkward comment to me, but he was generally pretty collected and polite. He was even pretty charming with me, and I had seen him do the same with Betty as well. For him, I think it was a self-esteem issue; Edward didn't see himself the way I did, and I tried to tell him that. He didn't seem to believe me, and I made it my goal to help Edward see what I saw; the amazing man that he was. Not that I wanted girls to fawn over him, I just wanted him to realize who he really was.

When I told him he could charm the pants of anyone if he wanted to, he looked at me like I had just told him pigs could fly. Soon after however, the wicked glint in his eye that he had after the hand licking incident came back, and he asked me if he was charming the pants off me. Of course I blushed, thinking how nice it would be for _him _to get my pants off. Oh, who am I kidding, it would be nice for me as well. It didn't help that he was of course right, just not about the pants part._ Yet. _

He was surprised that I knew about the cougar incident, but really, how could I not have heard. Yeah, the store was pretty big, but it wasn't that big. Rumours and stories usually spread like wildfire here, so I knew about the whole thing pretty soon after it happened. I didn't mention it to him until now because I was waiting for the right moment, and I figured it would be a good way to distract him from my ridiculous blushing. Plus, Edward squirming in embarrassment was pretty hilarious.

I did have a point though. Nobody would stand for it, and I knew especially Edward wouldn't, if I had some dirty old man pulling the same thing the cougar did on him. Although the situation was one of the funniest things I ever heard in my life, I couldn't help feeling that I wanted to kick Irina's ass a little bit too.

I had walked to stand by him as he was hiding from embarrassment, and we were now standing incredibly close together again, and I could smell the scent of Edward's skin. He smelled musky, but in a good way, with the added cologne that I still couldn't name, but it intoxicated me. I looked at Edward and his eyes looked so deep and so blue, I got lost in them for a moment. I began to lick my lips, in preparation for what my body wanted me to do, but I caught myself just in time, looking down at my watch as a distraction.

"Oh look! It's time for your break!" I said as I practically shoved my watch into his face. I doubt he could actually read it, it was so close. Edward looked rather bewildered at the moment, and I thought maybe, just maybe, he was a little intoxicated by my presence as well. Not that I wanted that.

"Don't worry, I'll finish up here," I turned to his pile of books and put them in the open spaces, trying to distract myself.

"Okay…" Edward almost questioned, and went off his lunch break. I kept on working until all the books were up and all the spaces were filled, while at the same time trying to not think of Edward, and the non-friend like feelings I had towards him.

It was really no use, he was all I could think about. My mind drifted off to the way he smelled, and how his skin felt on mine. How the mere sound of his voice could soothe me, and how pleasant the electric current that passed between us felt. I remembered vividly the way his tongue felt on my palm, and the way his hair felt in my hand. I then moved to things that I hadn't experienced; the, er, more adult thoughts that I had trouble controlling. Again, not helpful, not helpful at all.

I was in the middle of a fantasy that involved acts that could be performed in this very store, and I was getting myself pretty hot when I was poked in the shoulder with someone's finger. I turned to look, and there was a man, who looked to be in his fifties or sixties, looking at me with contempt. He wasn't a tall man, only a few inches taller than my 5'4" frame, roundish, and his skin was flushed, like he had been burnt by the sun.

"May I help you sir?" I asked in my polite sales associate voice, plastering a fake smile on my face. The man narrowed his eyes at me, probably not falling for my act.

"I need help finding a book," he said, sounding like he was slurring his words, but I wasn't totally sure. I kept up my cheery act.

"Well, you've come to the right place, which one are you looking for?" He told me the title, and it was some obscure World War Two non-fiction book that I had never heard before. He didn't know the author so the only thing I had to go on was the title and the fact it was about the war. I didn't think we had it, but I led him over to the history section anyways. I was right, we didn't have it.

"Why don't I look it up in the store computer, in case it was misplaced in another section? I asked, and that placated him a little. When I did search it, I found that it was a limited edition, and that we could only get it if we ordered it.

"I'm very sorry, we don't have the book in stock I'm afraid," looking like I was actually as sorry as I was saying. In truth, I really couldn't care less.

"You are the largest store in the area! What the hell do you mean you don't have it?" he snarled at me, and I flinched from his voice. It started to bring up horrible images in my head from years past, but held myself together, pushing those memories back with equal force.

"I'm sorry sir, we just don't have it in stock right now. It's a limited edi-" I began to say before he interrupted me, getting louder and louder with each word.

"I don't care if it's a God damn limited edition, your store promises to have any book any one could possibly need! And YOU don't have this one?"

"Again, I apologize for the inconvenience, but we don't currently have the book in stock. We can order it though, and have the book here in a couple of weeks," I said politely, though my voice was laced with venom. He didn't like that all, and before I knew it he was so close to my face that I could smell the whiskey on his breath as he yelled at me.

"I don't want to order it in, you little bitch! You're supposed to fucking have it in!" he barked, sticking his stubby finger in my face. I couldn't help it then, the horrible images broke out of their vault and assaulted me, my blood rushing from my face and hands, and I couldn't see the scene in front of me anymore.

The short man grew taller and leaner, and his eyes turned from dull brown to a frightening shade of grey. His face morphed into one I knew all too well, and his bald head sprouted hairs until it was one with hair as black as an oil slick.

It was dark and I was in my house again, my room this time, hiding underneath my bed from _him. _

"Where is that little bitch?" his sandpaper voice bellowed throughout the house. I cowered deeper into the shadows. "She left her bloody shoes out and I tripped over them!"

"Phil," my mother slurred, and I could hear her clomping around behind him. "She's just a kid, give her a break." She wasn't very convincing.

"I'm not giving her a break, she needs to learn not to leave her shit all over the place," he spat and began to stumble up the stairs.

"Isabella," he called, sounding like he was a hunter looking for his prey. I stilled my breath, hoping that if I didn't breathe, he couldn't find me.

He did.

The image flashed, and I was now being dragged out by my arms across the floor boards, me screaming and kicking while my mother yelled for him to stop.

He pulled me down the stairs, my shins hitting the steps hard enough that it would surely leave bruises. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, he threw me to the ground in front of the offending shoes, so that my face was over them.

"What the fuck did I tell you about this? Huh?" he spat, pushing my nose into the shoes. I hadn't meant to leave them out, I knew how mad he would get. I was just so scared when I heard his voice after I came in from school that I left my shoes by the front door and ran to my room.

"I'm sorry!" I yelled, tears flowing quickly down my face. He chuckled darkly and shoved my face further.

"Philip! Stop it, you're hurting her!" My mom was there now, and she tried to pull him off me, but she was drunk and much weaker than him. He pushed her so hard that she hit the wall beside us with a thunk. He had loosened his hold on me when he did that, and I used that opportunity to try and run away. I got out of his grasp, but he was too fast, and he grabbed me from behind, pulling his arm across me. I grabbed his large hand as he was doing so, and brought to my mouth, biting it as hard as I possibly could.

"Arggg!" he yelped, pulling his hand and wrenching back, again freeing me from his grasp. I began to run, run through the rest of the house, down the steps, and into our backyard. I ran until I hit the fence, realising my error too late. I was trapped.

He caught up with me, and smiled this twisted smile rubbing the fresh bite mark on his hand.

"You're going to pay for that Isabella," he said with an eerie calm, and that frightened me more than the yelling.

Suddenly I wasn't in the backyard, now I was in the living room, with my mother moaning in pain in the background. The light changed, and I saw his shadow come over me, pinning my body down on the floor with one arm, the other raised with thin, long belt in its hand.

"Stop, please. No no no no no no no…" I screamed out, knowing exactly what he was going to do. Phil just laughed and raised it higher.

"Shouldn't have bit me then," he snarled and moved to whip me with the belt.

"Bella?" I heard my name being called, but it was distant, like a dream. "Are you okay?" I wanted to scream at this voice. Couldn't they see I wasn't okay? Something happened in that moment that I heard the voice, time began to slow down.

"Shh, Bella. It's just me, Edward. Can you hear me?" I remember that voice, it was comforting, and it brought pleasant memories with it.

"Please make it stop," I pleaded, the belt coming closer with each passing second. Even though it had been slowed, I knew that it would still hurt, and it would hurt bad.

"I promise I'll make it stop, okay?" I heard his voice say, the light changing from dark to light, and the images became blurry.

"Bella, honey? You need to tell me how to help you," Edward's voice was calm, and I felt a warm and soft hand at my face.

"Edward?" My voice whispered, worried that I would go back to that hell again if I spoke any louder.

"Yes, hun. It's me," he said softly, and I began to open my eyes. When I did, the image melted. I was no longer in my dark house, I was in the light, and I saw bronze. Bronze and blue. In fact, in this light, that he almost appeared to be sparkling.

As my vision began to clear, I finally saw him. His face was worried, but I didn't care. He was here and he had saved me from the darkness.

"Edward," I sighed, and I wanted to be buried in his arms, but I couldn't move my limbs.

"Bella, please. You need to tell me what do. Tell me how to help," he pleaded.

"Keep me here with you," _Please. I can't go back there. _

"I'm here," he said softly, but my vision began to shift again, and I was terrified that I was going back to the belt that would break my skin. Just then, I felt myself being pulled, and for a moment I thought I was being dragged by Phil again, but it wasn't his rough and dry hand that had pulled me, these were soft and warm. I wasn't slammed to the ground, I was tucked into Edward's chest, his arms circling around me, and his scent covering me like a blanket. My head was near his heart, and I could hear every beat. It became my life line. As long as I could hear his heart beat, I'm safe.

_I'm safe._

**A/N: So you guys are going have to wait another week to ****find out what Edward saw when he saw Bella again, and I promise for some more fluff in the next one. Please follow me on Twitter ayfbird, and I heart people who leave reviews. So please do.**

**Song suggestion for this chapter - "Sleepless" by The Decemberists **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey all! Just letting you know I'm not sure when the next update will be, I'm starting a new semester and I will be busy for the next week, so it may take a tiny bit longer then usual for me to post. I promise I won't leave you hanging ;).**

**Thanks a ton always to my beta Nancy, and I do not own anything Twilight related. Bookstoreward is mine.  
**

**Chapter 8 - BPOV**

My voice was hoarse and raw, but I couldn't stop screaming. I was well aware that it was the middle of the night and that I was probably waking the entire neighborhood, but I couldn't stop. I rolled over and thrust my pillow over my head, trying to muffle the sound. I had been having these intense reactions ever since that awful day in the bookstore, and now my nightmares didn't just end at that horrible conclusion. No, I was now often stuck there, watching as the blood dripped down to the floor tiles, powerless to do anything to stop it.

I was running on even less sleep than I had been before, and it was taking a toll on my body. In just one week, I had lost a fair bit of weight from not eating properly, and my eyes had such dark circles under them, it looked like someone had broken my nose. My face looked gaunt, and I felt brittle, like the smallest wind could break off a piece of me.

I hadn't been in to work since it happened, partly because I was in no real state to help customers right now, and also because I wasn't really sure how I would act once I got there. I feared that Books and Things would become a trigger for me, and I really hoped that it wouldn't happen. I didn't need another one of those.

I also hadn't talked to Edward since, well, I was in his arms, and frankly I didn't remember all that I said that day. Not that he hadn't tried of course. Actually, he was quite persistent, calling everyday, several times a day, and texting me when I didn't answer. I knew he was worried about me, very worried probably, and judging by the last time he saw me, it was warranted. I was just too scared to pick up that phone and answer him. I was afraid about what he thought of me, what he thought of my weakness. I had never wanted him to see me like that, and then he got a first class ticket to Bella's crazy train. Plus I really didn't know what to say to him even if I did call him, I was far too embarrassed. So I kept on ignoring his attempts to contact me, instead getting Rose to intercept my calls, or to let her call him herself to let him know I was okay. I really wasn't, but did he really need to know that? He didn't need to worry about me, it was unnecessary. My pain was my pain alone. Not his burden to bear.

I did listen to his messages. A lot. I repeated them over and over just to hear his voice in my ear. I missed him terribly, and his voice on the recording was almost as comforting as him being here with me. I could tell in the tone of his messages that he was getting more desperate to hear from me, asking me to send him any sort of sign that I was alive and breathing, and it broke my heart he was so worried about me. I might be stubborn, or I might have just been afraid of what Edward would now think of me, but I still couldn't bring myself to speak him, even though I missed him more than anything.

I had fallen into a somewhat unthinking stupor when I heard an obnoxious banging at my door. I groaned, flinching as the light hit my eyes for the first time after having the pillow over my head, and walked slowly to the front door. For a moment I thought that Edward might had gotten fed up with calling me and decided to come here in person, but then I remembered that he didn't actually know where I lived. I was glad and disappointed at the same time.

I opened the door and saw blonde perfection standing in front me, and I watched as she gave me the once over. Rose was immaculately dressed as per usual, but in my ratty sweats and my Forks High t-shirt, I felt even more like a gremlin next to a fairy princess.

"You look like shit, Bella," she said, confirming my suspicions and frowning down at me.

"And hello to you to Rose," I muttered as I let her in. She ignored me, placing two large brown bags on top of my counter. I eyed them suspiciously.

"I brought you some food," she shrugged and began to pull out various things and put them away in my cupboards. "When was the last time you were out? And please don't tell me last week."

I sat down at the counter meekly, and when I didn't answer her back, she spun around to look at me. She looked concerned. I didn't like that.

"Bella! This isn't healthy you know, staying inside not doing anything and not talking to anyone."

"I talk to you," I said, looking down and trying to find patterns in the granite.

"I don't count." She paused, and I felt her sit down beside me. "I know what happened to you in the past must have been awful, and I can't even imagine how you felt last week, but Bella, you can't live like this. Maybe if you got some help…"

"No, I'm not talking to some shrink." I turned to her. "I'm fine." She obviously didn't believe me.

"Okay, I'm not. But I will be." I admitted, and she rolled her eyes, but didn't push the subject. I knew she wasn't done talking about this at all, but she gave me space for now.

She got up again and began to make me some toast, the same thing she had been making me since the incident happened, but I never managed to have much more than a few bites. She put the plate down in front of me, and I nibbled on it in order to placate her.

I heard my phone ring over in my bedroom, but I ignored it. I knew who it was. Rose looked to my room, and then back to me. I shrugged and continued to nibble. Rose sighed and went to my bedroom, coming back quickly and throwing my cell down in front of me.

"You need to talk to him," she said with force. It was the voice she used when no one dared mess with her. "Because if he calls me one more time seeing if you are okay, and asking me why you aren't answering his calls, I will go down to Books and Things myself and throttle him." I laughed a tiny bit at the mental image that conjured up.

"I…I don't know what to say." I said, turning to look down at my toast.

"Just talk to him." Her tone was soft, and I knew my logic was stupid, but like I said, I'm stubborn.

"It's harder than that Rose, he shouldn't have seen me like that. It's embarrassing."

"It's not embarrassing, Bella," she said, patting my head lovingly. "It's something you have to deal with, and yeah, it sucks, but it's not embarrassing to show weakness, imperfection, or whatever you perceive this as." Sure, she can say that, but it wasn't Rose who was an incoherent mess who had to be carried to the car from work.

"Edward must think I'm crazy now," I mumbled, now crushing my toast between my fingers. Rose sighed, and turned to look at me in the eye.

"I doubt that. I don't know if you saw his face that day, but it's something that will stay with me forever. It looked like Edward was watching someone burn, but he was powerless to help them. I have never seen someone look at another person like he did you." She paused, looking thoughtfully. "I think he cares about you a lot, and I think you care about him too, or you wouldn't be so worried about talking to him." I got a brief flash of that day in my mind, and all I saw was Edward's worried face as he tried to force me from my mind. It made me shudder. "He's just worried about you, that's all."

"I know." I sighed, laying my head on the counter. I knew I had to talk to him sometime. I was missing him far too much, and from what I knew about Edward's character, he wouldn't make fun of me, for breaking down. I was just being a pussy right now because I wanted to push everything away and not deal with it. Like I always did.

Denial is way more than a river in Egypt, and I was a true expert at it.

Just then my phone went off again, but I made no motion to get it. Just because I knew I should talk to Edward, it didn't mean I meant right now.

Yeah, I'm a coward, whatever.

"Speak of the devil…" Rose said, picking my phone up. "Jake? Who the hell…" Rose was confused. She wouldn't be that way for long, she would figure it out in five…four…three…

"Is this _that _Jacob?" she gasped. I hated that she called him that, he was never "that" anything to me. I nodded my head into the table. He had been trying to call me the past week as well, albeit, not nearly as much as Edward had, but still enough times to be annoying.

"I thought he just moved back to Portland or something."

"So did I."

"Then why he is calling you now?" she questioned, both of us the ignoring the ring until it stopped. I lifted my head slightly to look at her. She was giving me the Rose interrogation look. I sighed.

"He's apparently moving back to the city and he wants to 'hang out' ." I said, making air quotes with my fingers.

"You mean, he wants to fuck," Rose surmised.

"Basically." I ran my fingers through my hair, and the motion reminded me of Edward. God I missed him…

"So, what's the problem?" She knew about all the previous escapades I've had with men, and my total lack of commitment with any of them. My usual M.O. was to sleep with a guy who was decent looking for a few months at best, then dump him when he either wanted more or turned out to be a total douche bag. I had been doing this shit since I was sixteen. It wasn't all sex, I did actually hang out and do other stuff with my lovers besides just sleep with them, but I wouldn't go so far as to ever call them my boyfriends. They were good fucks, and I had a decent time with them, but I never had any feelings for them.

It was the same with Jake. I met him at some kegger that Rose and Jasper had taken me to last semester, and I had been attracted to his tanned, muscular form. I had even liked his constant smile and sunny personality, before it got annoying. I had taken him home, and admittedly, the sex was great for my body. Jake knew what he was doing, but like always, my mind had felt entirely numb, and that soon gave way to me having to fake orgasms with him. I had begun to pull away before he left, but he was developing an attachment to me, and an unwelcome one at that.

I had been relieved when he told me that he was going back home to take care of his dad, who was ill and needed help getting around since he was in a wheelchair. I thought it was an easy out, and me being the coward that I am, wouldn't have to have 'the conversation' with him. Apparently I was wrong. I now had to deal with him on top my own shit, plus figure out how I would talk to Edward. I wanted to bang my head on the granite.

"I'm not really interested in the arrangement we had anymore," I shrugged, feigning nonchalance. It was true, I hadn't been interested what Jake and I had in a long time. I just hoped Rose wouldn't pick up that there may be another reason why I didn't want to sleep with Jake anymore.

_Maybe because you would rather sleep with someone else? Perhaps someone that has a name that starts with "E"? _Did I just entertain that thought? Ugh, thinking about sleeping with Edward is not helping my resolve. At all.

"Hmm," Rose pondered, then looked at me with her eyebrows raised. Shit, she got me. I really needed to start lying better. "This wouldn't be because of, oh I don't know, a certain auburn headed creature that has been incessantly calling me for the past week?

"Bronze," I said softly.

"What?" She looked perplexed.

"His hair is bronze." Rose looked at me oddly, then let out a soft chuckle, shaking her head.

"So I'm right." She smiled.

"No." I argued, stupidly. _May I present you, the queen of denial!_

"So you don't want to sleep with Edward?"

"We're just friends, Rosalie."

"That wasn't a no…" She smiled brightly as I rolled my eyes at her.

"Shut-up." I told her, but she just laughed. Why did she look so joyous about this?

"Oh, Bella!" she said, pulling me into a very unexpected hug, and I felt like a wet noodle in her arms, my own arms hanging limply at my sides. "I have never seen you like this before! You must really like him. Oh! Does he like you? What am I saying, of course he likes you! No guy that isn't interested in someone calls them a million times in one day. I'm so excited!" Rose squealed on, and I was wondering why she was so excited, being a third party and all. Not that anything was going to happen.

"Hold on a sec'," I said, extracting myself from Rosalie's arms and getting a safe distance away so I'd have some extra warning time the next time she tried to hug me. "I never said anything. Edward and I are friends, and I have no desire to change that." _Liar. _

"But," she argued, looking like I had just took a brand new puppy away from her.

"There is no buts about this Rose, Edward is my friend, nothing more." It hurt so much to say that, knowing that it was a lie. It twisted like a knife in my heart. Rose's face grew sad, and I turned my head, trying not to look at her.

"I know why you're doing this."

"Then you know why it has to be this way," I said, feeling a lonely tear drop fall down my cheek.

"No, Bella. I don't. But, I know it will work out in time." She rubbed my shoulder in a very mother like way. "Just let him in, Bella. Even just a little bit. For his sake and yours."

"I'll try," I whispered, and Rosalie gave me a small smile.

"Good." She said before pulling me into a hug again.

This time, I hugged her back.

****

"Bella, why don't you try this on?" Rose said to me, holding up what I could barely describe as a dress; it had so many cut-outs and would barely cover my ass if I tried it on. Rose had forced me out of my sweatpants and out of my apartment, stating I needed a 'healthy dose of fresh air' (which really, how fresh can the air get in New York?), and made me go on a shopping expedition with her. She did this only after I promised I would call Edward, though I still had yet to do that. I was putting it off, I still didn't know what I was going to say.

She dragged me from store to store for hours, and we were in this little boutique that Rose supposedly 'loved'. She had tried to get me to try things on all afternoon, but I just wasn't in the mood for it.

"Because, I'd look like a whore," I said. I was leaning on the side of changing room, waiting for Rose to bring her mountain of clothes over so she could twirl and ask me if she looked fat in a particular outfit. I almost wanted to say yes once, just to see what she'd do. She didn't of course, Rose had a body built like a swimsuit model, but she was seriously getting on my nerves.

"It's sexy," Rose argued, holding the non-dress up to her body and looking in the mirror. She could pull it off, no doubt, but I certainly couldn't.

"Same difference," I shrugged, and Rose narrowed her eyes at me, placing the non-dress into the pile clothes she was going to try on.

"Can you at least try on _something?_ It's kind of depressing to try on clothes all by myself."

"I'm not really into trying clothes on right now Rose,"

"Pleaseeee," Rose whined, and I groaned.

"Fine. I'll try on _one_ thing. As long as you promise you won't drag me to any more stores. I think I've gotten more than my fair share of fresh air today." I walked over to the racks and started to flip through the clothes quickly, not really paying attention to what I was looking at. I would pick something, try it on, and then I could leave, go back to my cozy bed and curl up with some _Friends _DVDs.

"Yes!" Rose cheered a little too loud for my liking. "I think you need something nice, something hot. Hmmm…" She tapped her finger to her chin, then her eyes brightened and a smile came to her lips. I did not like that look. That look meant Rose had an idea, and I probably wouldn't like said idea. "Oh, I know! We'll get dresses and then we're going out on Friday, because honestly Bella, you need it."

"What? No Rose, I don't think I'm really up to that sort of thing."

"Well you're lucky that it's Monday then. That means you have four days to prepare yourself."

"But-"

"No buts. You're coming," Rose said with determination, I would probably find a way to get out of it by Friday, so I relented, too tired to argue with her now. She nodded and went back to the racks, flipping for more dresses and outfits I would not be caught dead in, before pausing, and picking up something from the rack.

"This is perfect!" She smiled and held a dress up to my face. It was blood red, strapless, and it had a sweetheart neckline. The bodice looked like it had boning in it, and the skirt flared out a tiny bit. It was short, but not ridiculously so. It was actually really pretty.

"So, what do you think?" Rose's eyes sparkled. I liked it, but I still wanted to be difficult. I pondered over it for a minute, and watched as Rose became anxious with me, finally sighing and grabbing the hanger from her.

"Alright, I'll try it on. But just this one, then I can go."

"Fine, fine. Just shut up and try it on." She said, pushing me towards the changing room.

After I got the zipper up, I made my way out of the changing room, not even looking in the mirror before I did. Rose was waiting for me outside, and when she saw me, her eyes lit up. "Oh, Bella! You look so beautiful. Come here and look at yourself!" She gestured with her hands to come over to the three way mirror she was standing by, and turned me to face the mirror once I got there. I almost didn't recognize myself. The red color brought out the auburn highlights in my hair, and it made me skin look creamy and flawless. It fit like a glove, showing off the curve of my waist, and it even boosted my lack of cleavage.

Rose started fussing with me, straightening the hem and pulling my hair into a French twist. "You have to wear this Friday," she told me as I grabbed the price tag. I think my mouth fell open in shock.

"This is two hundred dollars. I can't afford that." Especially when I haven't worked for a week.

"Ah yes, but you see my dear Bella, I spend most of my paycheck here, so I have a discount." Rose smiled delightedly at me.

"But still, it will probably still be a lot." I didn't know what her discount was, but unless it was at least seventy percent off, I would not be able to afford this dress.

"I'll pay whatever you can't. I'm probably taking most of this anyways," she waved to her massive pile. I knew Rose came from money, but I just couldn't wrap my head around her willing to help pay for a dress like that for me.

"Rose, I don't want to you to pay for this. I'll just put it on my visa. I have barely anything charged on it, so it should be okay." I cocked my head, looking at myself. I really did like the dress. I looked…hot.

I smirked at myself.

Rose's eyes lit up like the Fourth of July. "Does this mean you are coming out on Friday?"

"I guess it does." Rosalie squeed in excitement, and after watching her try on several outfits on, she settled on a black off the shoulder number that hugged her every curve. _Damn Rose and her perfect body. _

After paying for the dress and receiving Rose's thirty percent store discount, which I admitted was pretty decent, we both left. I told Rose that I was going to walk home since she was going to continue shopping and I wanted the exercise, so she offered to bring my dress back since she had driven us there. We parted ways, Rose making me promise to call Edward by tonight or she would come over and force me to call him herself.

It started to rain about five minutes into my walk, and I pulled my hood up to protect my hair. The rain was comforting at least, it reminded me of Forks, how the lushness of the landscape always felt like it was protecting me from the outside world. I missed it, but not for the people. I missed how it always felt like a safe haven for me; it felt, well, like home. I had come to the city to get away from everything, but I kept finding myself more drawn to the damp and sunless days of my hometown.

Thinking of Forks led me back to the dream I had about Edward, the one where he had been waiting for me under the damp branches and leaves of the forest, glowing and magnificent. He had looked so beautiful, and so right in the confines of the meadow. I remembered the way I had felt in his arms, and how I wanted him to kiss me there; it felt like it was the natural thing to do.

I was daydreaming about Edward's lips when I heard someone call my name, and at first I thought it was my imagination running wild; the voice sounded remarkably like him. That was before I heard it again.

"NO! BELLA!" I felt myself being wretched back, falling backwards onto the pavement, my bottom landing on the concrete and my head landing onto a very familiar chest.

**EPOV**

The week following Bella's breakdown in the store, I was a complete and total mess. I had endless questions about her, and I worried incessantly. It didn't help that I didn't hear from her at all, having to call Rosalie for information on her status. I think Rosalie was getting annoyed with me, well probably both of us actually. She became snippier with each phone call I made, which was a little more than necessary, and she had more than once asked me 'why the hell Bella hadn't called me yet.'

Truthfully, I was pretty hurt that she hadn't called me, or fuck, even texted me or sent a damn carrier pigeon letting me know she was okay, or at least that she was alive and breathing. She had scared the shit out of me that day, I had never seen someone so broken, so out of reality, like I had seen her that day. I regretted letting her go to Rosalie, and wondered if things would have been better if I had stayed and took care of her. Having her break in front of me wounded me as much as her.

I wanted know why she was ignoring me. Rosalie had told me many times that it was probably because she wasn't up to speaking to people yet, but my stupid brain kept pushing the idea that Bella didn't want to talk to me specifically, and her ignoring me was her way of telling me to get the fuck out of her life. If she did that, I didn't know what I'd do. I was very close to tracking down her address and going to her apartment to make her talk to me.

Work had been boring since I didn't have Bella to distract me, though they did move me from the romance section and let me work on the floor. I assumed it was to pick up the work Bella would usually do. Our late night phone calls had obviously ceased, and I found myself longing for them. I missed her voice, her face, and even the way she smelled. There were nights I would lie in my bed awake, wishing I just had a picture of her.

And before you say it, I didn't want a picture for those 'other' feelings I had towards Bella. I just wanted to see her face. I missed her. _Oh God, I'm becoming a blubbering mess, aren't I? _

All in all, I was having a pretty shitty week.

I found myself out wandering the rainy streets of New York on my day off, just trying to do something other than think about how much I missed her. It didn't do much good, everywhere I looked I saw her. I tried to shake my head to dispel her from my thoughts, but I kept seeing the image of Bella crying and shaking in my arms.

I pulled at my hair and groaned, a few passers-by eyeing me like I was crazy as they went on their ways. _Just get her out of your head Cullen, go get some heavy music from the store, and strum on your guitar, _I told myself, though the last time I had played my guitar when I was this frustrated, I played until my fingers bled.

I was just hitting the street of my favourite music store when I saw her, and I had to do a double take because I almost couldn't believe I had found her merely by accident. I quickened my pace and called to her, but she didn't hear me, she just kept on walking quickly ahead of me. She was now coming up to a traffic light, and I figured she would have to stop then.

I was getting close now, and I was fairly certain I could catch up with her. She continued to move forward at the same speed, not noticing the walk signal had been turned off, and she was about to step into the street, right in front of a bus.

My brain shut off then, and I acted purely on instinct.

"NO! BELLA!" I ran as hard as I ever fucking could to reach her, grasping the back of her sweater in my hand, and pulling her towards me from the curb. She fell into me just as a bus zoomed past. The force of pulling her caused us to both fall back, and I pulled my hand from the back of her sweater and wrapped it around her waist, making sure she fell mostly on me rather than the sidewalk.

"What the fuck?" I heard Bella sputter as we hit the concrete. Thankfully I inclined my head enough so I didn't smash my head against the pavement (you seriously learn how to fall without hurting yourself when you fall as much as I do), but my ass hit hard, and I probably wouldn't be able to sit down properly for the next few days. I was also thankful that her head hit my chest, rather than the sidewalk, though her head would probably have a bruise where it hit me.

"Are you alright?" I said in a panic, looking down at her to see if anything on her looked damaged or broken.

"Edward?" she said, looking back at me confused. "What the hell are you doing here? And why are we on the ground?"

"Answer me Bella, are you hurt anywhere? Does your neck hurt? Or your back?" I didn't know how falling on me had impacted her fall, and as I learned from my dad, a spinal injury could very well be possible from a fall like this.

"Shh, I'm fine, you seem to have broken my fall," she said, trying to get up but unable to since I had one of my arms protectively around her. I loosened my grasp and let her slide forward, getting up myself before helping her up. "Are you okay?" she asked me, wiping the dirt off her backside.

"I'm fine." I knew I wasn't really injured. My tail bone was probably a bit bruised, but nothing unmanageable. Once I was up and had assessed that Bella was indeed uninjured, I could feel the my anger building. How could she have been so careless? She could have been killed! I felt a spike of pain in my heart, I couldn't even think what I'd do if I lost her like that. Sure she could reject me one day, but I could live with that. If I lost her forever, never again to see her beautiful intelligent eyes, or the blush of her skin. To never again hear her sarcastic wit, or her magnificent giggle, it would be positively excruciating. I don't know if I would be able to survive that.

Looking at her now, I could see that Bella hadn't been alright this past week. For as long as I've known her, Bella has always had slight circles under her eyes, but now they were dark and bruise like; she clearly hadn't slept properly in days. Her face was drawn and she looked more pale than usual. She was of course still incredibly beautiful, but I could tell that she was not well.

"What the hell were you thinking Bella?" I snapped, my emotions twisting between pain and anger.

"What?" She looked confused again. "It's not my fault you pulled me to the ground."

"Oh, so you would have rather been squished by a city bus then? Jesus Bella, are you trying to kill yourself?" Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. She snapped it shut seconds later and her eyes became full of fire, her fists clenching at her sides. She looked pissed.

"I was NOT trying to kill myself. I was just day dreaming and didn't see that the fucking light had changed, okay?" She had tears in her eyes but she kept them focused on me. My anger dissipated, I felt horrible for making her feel bad.

_Jesus, Cullen. Good job. _Her stare was unnerving me, and I looked away, biting my lip and running my hand through the my hair yet again. We remained in silence until I heard Bella sigh and come towards me. She put her hand to my cheek to make me look at her, and I saw that her anger had dissipated, and all I could see was remorse and awe.

Feeling her touch again was beautiful, and the hell that had been my past week melted away. Everything was right now that she was beside me.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, It's not you I'm mad at." She was looking up at me from under her lashes. The rain fell more heavily down around us, and it started to saturate my hair and clothes.

I couldn't care less.

"You're not?" I felt my breath quicken and I licked my lips. I couldn't help myself, she hadn't been this close to me since that dreadful day, and every fibre of my being was vibrating from the electricity of her touch.

She smiled lightly and shook her head. "You just saved my life, how could I ever be mad at you?"

"Then why-?"

"It doesn't matter," she murmured, her eyes on me. She moved up onto her toes, and she pulled my face down to hers, our foreheads touching, and her lips close to mine.

"It doesn't matter," she repeated, and I couldn't remember what I was asking. She let out one more tentative breath, and closed the distance between us.

That's when the world caught on fire.

**A/N: I knew you guys were wanting this, so I threw you a bit of a bone. ;) **

**Music suggestion: Peter Bradley Adams - Leavtaking. Especially "Song for Viola"  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks always to Nancy, for catching all my mistakes and I hope you all enjoy a little bit of fluff.  
**

**Anything Twilight related does not belong to me.**

** EPOV**

My entire body seemed to be on fire as soon as I felt Bella's soft lips press into mine, heat radiating from her mouth and spreading from my head to my toes. Of all the people I had ever been with, I had never felt as much in the one kiss as I did at this moment.

Her kiss was light, slow, and very innocent, but I longed to taste her. I had gotten a brief taste when I licked her palm a couple of weeks ago, and I was eager to do it again. I wanted to be closer to her, so my brain completely walked out, letting my body do what it wanted. I raised my hand to the nape of her neck, pulling my fingers through her wavy locks, and pulled her face closer to mine, bringing the other hand to her waist. Our bodies were now flushed against each other, and I brought her upper lip between both of mine.

Bella brought both her hands to my hair and tugged gently, her touch eliciting a groan of pleasure from me. Our kiss became more urgent, and I just wanted to be _closer, _bringing my tongue out and darting it across her lip. I felt Bella shiver and gasp before she pulled away slowly. Why was she pulling away? She liked it, didn't she? I sure as fuck did.

Bella took her hands slowly down from my hair, and brought them to the tops of my arms, leaning her forehead against mine.

"Thank you," she said, slightly out of breath.

"For what?" My voice was unsteady, and I couldn't remember for the life of me what happened prior to Bella kissing me.

"For saving my life," Bella laughed lightly, and I looked at her just in time to see her lick her lips, looking like she was savouring the taste that was left over. _Shit, that was hot. _

"Oh, that," I fumbled out, and I heard her laugh again. "It wasn't a problem. I really didn't want to see you become a pancake." Bella slowly extracted herself from my hold on her, and I frowned, though Bella didn't see it. Now that I had felt what it was like to be that close to her, I wanted to do it again, preferably multiple times.

She shifted back away from me, pulling her sweater over her hands, and shifted uncomfortably.

"I guess I should get going," she said, biting her lip. _What the fuck? She is not just going to kiss me like that and leave! _

I was so stupefied by the kiss and the fact that she was actually leaving me hanging like this, that I missed my chance to speak. Bella turning to walk the opposite way. She got a few steps away from me before I was able to shake out of my stupor, and grab the back of her sweater, this time pulling her toward me without falling to the ground.

"Ah! Edward! What are you doing?"

"Not letting you run away," I said as I twisted myself in front her, looking her in the eye.

"I was not running away," Bella huffed, averting her gaze. I cocked my eyebrow at her.

"Bella, you're not a very good liar." She opened her mouth to respond, but closed it before saying a word. I got an idea then and grabbed her hand, pulling her along with me as I walked toward the subway. Bella resisted and stumbled behind me, but she never let go of my hand. In fact she was grasping it tightly.

"A little grabby today, huh Cullen?" she said, stumbling behind me. I smirked.

"I'm not the only one," I said, referring to her hair grabbing from earlier, and she got it as she stopped dead in her tracks.

"Where are you taking me, Edward?" She looked at me warily.

"To my crypt."

Bella rolled her eyes at me. "I'm serious." I sighed, running my free hand through my hair.

"We're going to do something fun. A surprise."

"A surprise," Bella crinkled her brow.

"Yes."

"I don't like surprises, Edward."

"You'll like this one, I promise." I squeezed her hand lightly, and she looked down to our entwined fingers, blushing lightly before she looked up at me.

"Why are you doing this?" I don't know if she meant the hand holding or the surprise, but I answered the latter.

"For one, it's pay back for not answering me back all week." Bella went to answer me, but I stopped her. "Don't worry. I don't want to talk about that now," I smiled lightly. "And second, you really look like you need some fun."

Bella furrowed her brow and the bit her lip. It reminded me of when I had _my _lips capturing hers. It nearly undid me right there.

"What are you up to, Cullen?"

I grinned at her, and her eyes brightened a bit. "You'll see."

∗∗∗ 

"You took me all the way to Queens, for this?" Bella looked at the neon flashing lights with her eyebrows raised.

"I told you we were going to do something fun," I shrugged, walking through the automatic doors with Bella trailing behind me.

"And bowling was the first thing that came to mind?"

"What, not a bowler, Swan?" I teased.

"No, but I'm still probably better than you."

I turned around, frowning. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Bella smiled at me. "You're not the most co-ordinated person in the world. You probably would drop the ball on your foot." She laughed. A little too hard.

"Very funny, Bella." I rolled my eyes and made my way to the counter to get us a lane.

"Seriously, Edward. How do you not injure yourself in everyday life?"

"I do have some athletic ability, I'll have you know. I was even on a bowling team when I was a kid…." I trailed off because I saw Bella's eyes widen and her lips twitch. _Oh shit, did I just tell her I was on a BOWLING TEAM? She must think I'm a total dork._

"Did you just say you were on a _bowling _team?"

"Uh…" I said, looking everywhere but at Bella. She doubled over in laughter, and it was a couple minutes before she could even form a coherent sentence, even when she did there were still bursts of giggles between her words.

"You" _, giggle, "_are such a nerd," she said, laughing and smiling at me. I was embarrassed. I had just let slip an incredibly embarrassing thing about me, though the fact that Bella was laughing, smiling, and looking ten times better than when I saw her earlier almost made up for it. Almost.

"Okay, if you're done poking fun at my expense, let's do this." I had paid for our lane, the attendant looking quite amused at our conversation, and handed us those butt ugly bowling shoes.

"I'm sorry," she laughed, poking my side. "It's just too easy. You're really lucky you're hot, otherwise you'd never be able to bounce back from being on a bowling team." I rolled my eyes, but grabbed her hand again as we walked towards our lane, forgiving her, evidently.

"At least I have that," I joked, and I pulled her along as we made our way to the other end of the alley, where our lane was. We made small talk as we put on our shoes, and I helped Bella find a ball small and light enough for her. She was so tiny, and in the past week she had seemed to get even smaller and fragile. She actually had to use a child sized ball.

I desperately wanted to talk to her about what happened last week at Books and Things, but I didn't know how to bring it up without her freaking out. It wasn't just my selfish curiosity either, I wanted to know how to help her if it ever happened again. I was already thinking of what I could do, even thinking of calling my father for help. He wasn't a psychiatrist, but surely he knew something that could help me.

I was brought out of my reverie when I felt Bella's hand on my shoulder. I looked up, and saw Bella standing in front of me, her bright pink bowling ball at her side. Since I was sitting, I was practically eye level with her crotch, and I felt a tingle of arousal. I swiftly looked away, partly because I didn't want her to catch me staring at her crotch, and partly because I really didn't want to get a hard on right now.

"Whatcha' thinking about?" She raised her eyebrow at me. It was a completely innocent movement, but it was such a turn on. I shifted in my seat, and tried to smile innocently at her.

"Nothing important." Her eyebrows creased, like she didn't believe me, but she didn't say anything and sat down beside me.

"How do you even know about this place? Didn't you grow up on the Upper East Side? Queens is a bit far."

"I did, but my dad grew up here so he liked to take me and my siblings to see his old neighbourhood, and as a treat he would take us bowling. Alice and I enjoyed playing, and Emmett really liked the arcade games and the horrible pizza they serve." I laughed, thinking back to the days my brother would stuff his face with that poor excuse for pizza, and how my mom would chastise my father later when Emmett was groaning sick from the food.

"So that's how you ended up on a bowling team?" she laughed again.

"Pretty much. Carlisle noticed that it was the only sport I was remotely good at, so he signed me up when I was ten. I stopped playing a couple years later when I realized bowling wasn't cool, but I did win a few trophies." _Like that made it sound cooler. _

"Please tell me you have pictures of this." Bella's eyes lit up.

"Not ones that you will ever see."

"Please?" She looked all doe eyed at me, and I had to look away, there was no way I could say no to Bambi incarnate.

"Never." _I wonder if I could pay Alice to destroy them for me… _

"Hmph," Bella grunted and I laughed, she was too cute when she was pouty.

"You want to go first?" I asked, changing the subject. She looked at me and then to the lane warily.

"I don't know how to play." Her voice sounded small, innocent and childlike. I noticed that when Bella was unsure about something, or when she was scared, she would revert to that voice and manner. It was like she was worried she would be punished if she did something wrong. She had did it when she had the break down at work.

"It's easy. You just throw the ball down the lane, and aim for the pins down there at the end." Bella still looked unsure, and her brow crinkled further.

"How about you try a couple times, and if you need me to help you, I will, alright?"

"Okay…" She got up from her seat and walked slowly until she was in front of the lane, throwing one last unsure look back at me before she took a deep breath, and threw the ball. She had thrown it too light and it moved slowly down the lane, angling to the left until it fell into the gutter. Bella frowned.

"It's okay. You just have to throw it a little harder next time," I told her as she waited for her small pink ball to come up through the ball return. Once she had it again, she threw it with more speed, but it too went straight into the gutter.

"I suck," Bella said, chewing on her lip.

"You don't suck. It's your first time, and you're doing pretty good so far."

"I doubt it," she frowned, and I got up and met her at the ball return, grabbing the ball as soon as it shot up, and went in front of the lane.

"Isn't that ball a little dainty for you, Cullen?"

"I'm not going to throw it, you are. I'm going to show you how throw properly and help you with your form."

"But it's your turn, I don't want to screw up your game." She frowned toward the lane.

"You won't," I smiled, "Now get ready to take a shot and I'll watch so I can make adjustments." I gave her back her ball, and watched her as she got ready to take her shot. I came up behind her, and she jumped a little when she felt my hand on her arm, but I felt her relax into me seconds later.

"You're all crooked, the motion needs to be more fluid." I put my hand around her arm, and glided it into a fluid motion, demonstrating. "Aiming is also important. If you look at the little dots on the floor, and focus on the middle one, the ball should move in a straight line, instead of veering into the gutter."

"Okay," Bella said, her voice shaky. I was pressed right up against her, and I could feel the line of her back and the curve her ass right against my dick. I wanted to rub myself against her, but I didn't think was too appropriate for a family venue, and plus, getting a hard on in public was not one of my goals for the day. That still didn't mean I didn't want to _feel _Bella, but I just couldn't take it too far.

"And you want to pick up enough speed that the ball will knock down all the pins, but not so fast that it just launches down the lane and knocks only one out." My hand was still lingering on her arm, the other lightly floating down her side. I breathed her in, the strawberry smell from her hair making me intoxicated. Her smell, and the way her body was pressed up against mine, sent me over the edge, and I was now completely hard. Bella's breath hitched and I felt her body stiffen. I realized that I was flushed against her back, thus making my very hard cock poke her in the ass, and judging by her last response, she definitely felt it.

_Shit. _

Bella breathed in a shaky breath, and looked over her shoulder at me, her eyes downcast. "I think I'm ready to try it on my own now," she told me before taking her lip in between her teeth.

"Okay, go ahead." I let go of her, trying to hide my massive erection from both Bella and the rest of the bowling alley, and sat down to watch her take her shot.

_Think of something non-sexy, _I told myself. I need to get this situation under control, and relieving myself in the bathroom was definitely not an option. I could just imagine myself getting arrested for something like that. I began to pull out the roster of unsexy images that I used in situations like this. Not that something like this happened a lot.

_Puppies, no, dead puppies. Emmett's hairy back. Grandma Cullen in a bikini. _I shivered and felt myself deflate slightly, thank god Grandma Cullen did it, though now I was stuck with that unfortunate image in my head. I looked back over at Bella, glancing at her just as she took her shot, her robust bottom staring me down. I groaned and looked away, fearing I would get hard again from the mere sight of her ass.

"What's wrong? I did what you told me to, right? I think it worked. I mean, I managed to hit some pins this time, though I didn't hit all of them…" Bella was rambling, and I looked up at her. She was standing in front of me with a worried expression on her face. She took my groan wrong, thinking I was mad at her. She did just felt the rager that I pressed into her ass.

"No, no. You did great Bella." I smiled a reassuring smile at her.

"I did?"

"You did awesome. Especially for your first time."

Bella crinkled her nose. It was incredibly cute. "I didn't knock all the pins down though."

"That's okay, even the best players don't knock all the pins down every time."

I got up to grab my own ball as Bella took my place on the seat. I set up my shot, bringing the ball to eyelevel, and I heard Bella giggle from behind me. I ignored her, determined to make a good shot. I moved quickly forward, swinging my arm and releasing the ball from my fingertips, allowing the ball to shoot down the lane, watching as it created the perfect spin and hitting the pins a and knocking them over, getting a strike on the first try.

I couldn't help myself, it was just like when I would play when I was younger, my competitive side was coming out. I turned to Bella with a triumphant smile, and she was frowning at me.

"I thought not even the best players got all the pins down every time," Bella said with a huff.

"Lucky shot I guess," I said with a grin as I sat down beside her. She mussed my hair with her hand.

"Cocky much?"

_Oh, two can play at that game. _

I pulled my hand up and ruffled her hair as well, turning it into a full out war. Bella had both her hands in my hair now, almost putting me in a head lock. I had messed Bella's hair so much that I couldn't even see her face, and it looked like I had just pulled her out of a tornado. We were both laughing hysterically, drawing attention from the couple beside us, and I moved my hands to her ribs so I could tickle her.

"Okay! Okay! I surrender!" Bella said breathlessly, holding up her hands. I stopped tickling her and pushed her hair out of her eyes, so I could see her face. Her cheeks were flushed and she still had a giggly grin on her face. Right then, I wished I had a camera. I wanted to capture this Bella forever. I had my phone, and it didn't have the best camera, but it would work. I whipped my phone out and brought it so I could frame her face perfectly. Bella realized what I was doing and put her hand over her face.

"Don't take a picture of me! I look awful," she whined. I pulled her hand down.

"Nonsense, you're perfect." Bella looked incredulously at me, but didn't put her hand back up.

"Yeah, right. Just don't let anyone see this, okay?" she asked. I nodded, knowing that her request was ridiculous. I turned the flash off as she waited for me to the take the photo. She tried to pose, but I didn't like it. I wanted a natural Bella.

"Are you taking my picture or what?"

"Yeah, I just need one thing to be right." I smiled before jolting my hands to her ribs again, tickling her. Her face lit up with laughter again, and I snapped the picture, capturing Bella with her head thrown back and a huge smile on her face.

It was happy. It was beautiful. It was perfect.

"Are you done with the photo shoot?" Bella said with a slight left over giggle.

"I think so. We should continue bowling, yes?" I said as I saved the photo so I could see it whenever Bella called me. Bella shook her head at me and ruffled my hair once more before getting up to grab her ball again.

Throughout the game I watched her, taking stock of every movement she made, entranced by all of it. I would even hurry through my sets, not even doing all that well, so I could go back to watching her. She was graceful, and took careful consideration of every step she took, her brow furrowing in concentration. Bella actually had a pretty decent natural talent for this, and I watched as she got better and better with each shot.

When the game ended, I had beat Bella by good margin, of course gloating over my superior bowling skills, but she still did pretty well for her first time. She went to the washroom to go 'fix herself up' since I had thoroughly mussed up her hair, and I went over to the arcade and played around with the pinball machine while I waited for Bella.

That little silver ball had just gotten past my guard when Bella came up beside me.

"You do realize that you are the oldest person here by a wide margin, right?" I looked around me, and it was true. The next oldest person in here was probably twelve.

"You can never be too old for this stuff," I replied before losing the ball again. Apparently pinball wasn't my forte.

"You suck, Cullen," she laughed before pushing me out of the way to play the game herself. Bella banged the little buttons quickly and skillfully, and holy crap, she was good.

"Ha! High score! Suck on that Cullen!" Bella danced in celebration, wiggling her ass in front of my face. I tried my hardest not to reach out my hand and grab it. Bella was still giggling and dancing until she abruptly stopped, staring at the corner of the room that held one of those photo booths, like the ones they usually had in shopping centres. I remembered Alice having about a billion of them with her friends when she was in high school, and on more than one occasion Tanya tried to get me to do one with her, but I would always vehemently refuse.

"Hey Edward, can we do that?" Bella spoke softly, pointing to the photo booth.

I quirked my eyebrow at her. "I thought you didn't like having your photo taken?"

"I don't when you make me look like small animals have burrowed in my hair. But, I've never done one of those before." Bella's voice sounded small, like she was embarrassed.

"Really? My sister got one done practically every weekend when were in school. I thought it was some teenage girl right of passage or something." Bella rolled her eyes, but grabbed my hand to drag me over to the photo booth. I was a bit shocked at the action, since it was the first time Bella had taken the initiative to hold my hand, not that I was complaining. I still didn't know what the status of our relationship was after that incredible kiss, and I so badly wanted to do it again.

We should probably talk about it, and I would have, if I weren't such a damn chicken. _Later,_ I promised myself. I wanted a few more carefree hours with Bella before we got into the heavy stuff.

"Forks is small, and I really didn't have a whole lot of friends back there," she shrugged, pulling me along until we were both piled into the closet-like photo booth. It was too short for me, obviously being made for children and not 6'2", full grown men. I had to bend my neck at a weird angle to fit in.

"Uh, this may be a problem," I glanced down at Bella, and she looked confusingly at me before jumping off the tiny stool and forcing me down on it.

"Here, that should be better," she smiled, and it was true. I now had plenty of room without craning my neck. It was also infinitely better because that meant Bella had to sit in my lap. I just prayed I didn't get hard again.

"So do we have a plan?" Bella asked, wiggling on my lap to look at me. I tried to stifle the groan that her movement caused.

"Plan?"

"You know, what kinda poses or faces we want to do. It says here we get four pictures taken."

I raked my fingers through my hair. I didn't really know, girls did this kind of stuff, not me. "I don't know, you decide."

"Hmm," Bella pondered for moment, tapping one of her small fingers on her chin. It was completely adorable. "How about a silly one, a serious one, a sexy face one…"

"Sexy face?"

"Yes. Can you do it? she asked, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

"I thought I was already doing it." I smirked, getting another eye roll from her.

"Smart ass,"

"You love it." She stiffened for a moment, but then brushed it off with a nervous laugh. _Huh. _

"Pfft."

"So what's the fourth one going to be?"

"Whatever you want," Bella shrugged, seemingly to be lost in thought. I wanted to ask what her change in mood was, but she slipped the money into the slot too fast, and told me to get ready. The first one we posed for I tried to look surprised, while Bella winked at the camera. The second, was the 'sexy face', at least I did it anyways. The third was warm and natural, and the last, I pulled out a surprise and went to kiss Bella's cheek, the photo capturing us just before my lips met her cheek, the kiss meeting her after the picture was taken. Bella gasped and looked wide eyed. Our faces were now inches apart again, and I could hear her breath becoming quicker and quicker. It was the perfect moment to kiss her again, and I had angled my head to go in for the kill, but Bella moved her face, kissing my cheek instead.

I was shocked and disappointed. She probably saw that in my face, and she patted my hand reassuringly. "Thank you Edward, for the pictures, saving me… everything." She nuzzled into my side, burying her face in the crook of my neck. "Can't we just have some more fun for a little while longer? I want to forget the hard stuff, at least for a little while."

"Uh, sure," I said, patting her hair. I didn't know what that meant, but I didn't have a good feeling about it.

"Good." She smiled into my shoulder, giving my hand one last squeeze before exiting the booth. I was confused, what was Bella doing? Was she pulling away from me again? She couldn't, not now. I wouldn't let her. I followed her out and leaned against the wall, waiting for the photos to print.

We stood in silence as we waited for the photos to print, and all the questions that I should have been asking were bombarding me. Why did Bella break down last week, and why did she avoid me? She seemed into the kiss, but why was she always trying to run away? Yeah, she told me that she thought she was too fucked up and she was trying to protect me, but why? What could be so bad that she needs to protect me from herself? There were so many questions and so few answers. I knew I had to corner Bella and ask her once and for all, without distractions or avoiding the issue, what was happening with us?

The pictures printed after a few minutes, and Bella snatched them up before I could look at them. She studied the pictures for a while, and I saw a slight smile come to her face as she gazed down at the row of photos.

"Did they turn out okay?" I asked, trying to glance over her shoulder. She nodded her head, not taking her eyes off the pictures. We were silly and ridiculous in them, but we actually looked like a couple in them, it wasn't awkward and cheesy, it was just…us. Normal, and easy. Bella ripped the set in half, giving us both two pictures, keeping the one half with my almost cheek kiss, and tucked it into her purse.

"You get to keep the sexy face, since you did so well." Bella laughed, but I couldn't help and be a little bit glad that she kept the photos that she did.

"Are you hungry? Because if you want, I can make you something back at my place." I had spontaneously came up with that, because I was trying to figure out how I could spend more time with Bella to ask her the questions I needed answered. I just hoped my apartment was clean.

Bella bit her lip and looked around nervously. "I'm not really that hungry." Her stomach growled in that second, giving her lie away immediately. Bella blushed.

"You know, you're a horrible liar."

"So I've been told."

"So, food?" I asked as we made our way to the exist.

"Can you cook?"

I shrugged. "I'm pretty decent at it."

"Okay, your place. Sounds good." She smiled at me, but I could tell her mind was elsewhere. Where it was, I couldn't tell you, I just hoped that she wasn't thinking of disappearing again. I couldn't handle it if she did. 

**Ohhhh, whats going to happen at Edward's apartment? ;) If you want to see some of the pictures they took, take a look at my banner on my profile page. **

** Please review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry for the slow update,but I hope this chapter is worth it. Thanks to my beta extraordinaire, Nancy. **

**Nothing Twilight related belongs to me, the rest is purely my imagination.**

** EPOV**

On the train back from Queens, Bella seemed to be very quiet. She just leaned against my side, looking out the window at the passing scenery.

"Are you alright?" I asked, snapping her out of her thoughts. She turned to look at me, her eyes looking tired and, above all, sad. It was heartbreaking to see my beautiful girl look like that.

Yes, I just said "my beautiful girl". So what if she wasn't technically mine yet? Right now, she was the only girl for me.

She tried to give me a watery smile, and I saw a tear come to her eye. "Hey, hey. None of that. We're supposed to be having fun, remember?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just being stupid." She scrunched up her face in an attempt to stop the tears from falling, but they still seemed to escape her lids. _No Bella, please don't cry. _Every time I saw her cry was like a knife in the heart. I knew she was in pain and I could do nothing about it. I hated that.

"Shh, Bella," I whispered as I took her face in my hands, wiping her tears away with my thumbs.

"Edward, I-" Bella started before biting her lip and more tears fell down her face.

"Please don't cry anymore. You're too beautiful to cry." I didn't realize the last part I had said out loud until Bella stopped breathing all together. Her eyes wide like a deer trapped in the headlights.

_Oh shit, what did I just do? _

"Bella?" She was still just staring at me while my hands were holding her face. I brushed my thumb across her cheek, and Bella took a huge breath in, her face coming back to life.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I asked worriedly. Bella ignored my question, and just gaped at me.

"Y-you just can't say shit like that." _What?_

"What are you talking about?" To say I was confused was an understatement.

"That I'm too beautiful to cry. I know it's not true, but you sweep women off their feet with lines like that, Cullen." Jesus Christ this woman was hard to read! Her thought process was ridiculous. How could she not believe it was true?

"Bella," I said reverently as I gazed into her eyes. Her eyes seemed to melt into liquid chocolate as her gaze met mine. "It's true. You are too beautiful to cry." I needed her, I wanted her. Right now. "Too beautiful." I whispered before capturing her lips with mine, my grip on her face not allowing her to turn her head this time. I was taking control. I kissed her hard, putting all that pent up tension into one kiss. Bella's lips moved with my mine easily, and I moved my tongue along her lip, hoping to gain entry to her mouth. Bella shivered and wrapped her hands up into my hair, meeting her tongue with mine. I forgot I was on a crowded subway car, I forgot everyone else existed. It was just us, right here, right now. I moaned into her mouth.

Everything was frenzied, messy, and fucking amazing. I seemed to be devouring her mouth as our tongues danced at a steady rhythm. A million images moved through my head, all them involving me and Bella with no crowded subway and no clothes.

"Get a room!" someone yelled out, and Bella pulled away from me, both of us gasping for air.

"That was…" Bella said breathlessly. I must say, I was a little bit smug.

"I know," I said with a goofy grin on my face.

"Wow," Bella whispered to herself.

"That good, huh?" I winked.

"Smug bastard."

"Is that my new nickname?" I wiggled my eyebrows. Bella rolled her eyes, but snuggled her head against my shoulder.

"That depends. Do you have any other nicknames?"

"No." That was a lie. There was a period in my life where both my mother called me 'Eddikins' and my sister called me 'Claudia', but I wasn't about to let Bella know that.

"What about Eddie? Or Ed?" Bella horse laughed.

"Hell no! I am not taking a nickname after a talking horse," I frowned and Bella laughed at my expression.

"Then 'smug bastard' it is." She smiled, and I just rolled my eyes. I was just glad she wasn't crying anymore, and I hoped that her allowing me to kiss her like that was a step in the right direction.

∗∗∗∗ 

We got off the train not long after were mostly quiet on the walk to my apartment, Bella's eyes glancing around as she lightly grasped my hand.

"You live in The Village?" Bella asked, looking up at the buildings around her. I nodded.

"Cool." Bella looked amazed and I laughed.

"When you see my place, you won't think it's very cool at all."

"I'm sure that's not true," she disagreed, walking up the steps to my building. It was small, only about five floors with no elevator, and it looked decent enough from the outside, but once you got in…yeah not so much.

"You'll see," I sighed as I let her in.

As we walked up the stairs to my apartment, I could feel a nervous energy flow off Bella on to me, and I felt anxiety build up in my system, getting stronger with each step. Neither of us knew what exactly was going to happen once we got through the door. Today had been such a turning point in our relationship, and I didn't know what would happen next. I feared that Bella would run, she seemed to always bolt when things got heavy, but here she was. The only thing I knew was that Bella had to answer at least some of my questions before we moved ahead any further. And I would stick to that plan no matter what. Wouldn't I?

When we finally made it up the five flights of stairs to my apartment, I opened the door nervously, allowing Bella to go first. She glanced at me with her eyebrows raised and swiftly made her way through the door, I followed closely behind her.

"It's a shit hole, but the rent is decent and it's not a studio so that's goo-" Suddenly her lips were crushing against mine. I barely time to comprehend anything before Bella had me pinned against the door, her body flushed against mine, and her tongue searching my mouth. I groaned at all the sensations I was feeling, and without telling my arms to do so, I picked her up, grabbing her ass, and flipped us around so that she was pressed hard against the door. She looked surprised at first, but she soon brought her mouth back to mine, and wrapped her legs around my waist. Bella was tugging at my hair and grinding her pelvis into mine, making me incredibly hard, and I knew she could feel it when she moaned into my mouth, biting my lip.

"Shit, Bella," _Kiss. _"that was so," _Kiss. _"fucking," _Kiss. "_hot." I began to trail soft kisses down her neck, nipping and sucking at her collarbone. I had never paid much attention to this part of a woman's anatomy before, but Jesus, everything about Bella was hot as fuck. Bella moaned, pressing her face into my hair and inhaling deeply. _Fuck! _I brought my lips back to hers, carrying her over to the couch, falling back into it, so that Bella was on top of me. We didn't break the kiss as we fell, and Bella's hands were wandering over my chest, aptly finding the buttons and began to undo my shirt. In turn, I tried unzipping her hoodie, Bella quickly realized what I was trying to do, and leaned up off me, dragging her zipper down quickly and throwing it on the floor. She looked back at me with a sly grin, and I then I noticed what she was wearing.

I gulped.

Bella had a tight white t-shirt on that hugged every one of her curves, but that wasn't even the best part. She was braless, and I could see her perfectly formed, perky breasts straining against the fabric of her t-shirt. They were so perfect, I wanted to cup them with my hands. _Holy crap there is a God._

"See something you like, Cullen?" Bella raised her eyebrow wickedly, and all I could do was nod my head like an idiot, my mouth hanging open. She smirked and I pulled myself up so I could kiss her and bring those amazing tits against my body. I brought Bella's lip between my teeth as her hands fumbled with my buttons, not as steady as she was before. When she had them undone, she raked her nails down my chest to my abdomen, trailing her fingers down the hair that started below my bellybutton. "Fuuuuuck," I moaned into Bella's mouth and brought my hands to her waist sneaking my hands up the hem of her shirt, slowly making my way up her ribs. I knew I should be stopping this that we were moving way too fast, not knowing if this might end up hurting her, or me. I find it in me to care. All I knew is I wanted this gorgeous brunette on top of me, and I wanted her now.

She began to kiss down my jaw to my neck, licking and sucking at the same time until coming to my chest, where she began to kiss downwards, and my body shivered as she got closer to my waiting cock. _I should be stopping her, This is going too fast and you need to stop it before you do something you both regret. _But oh God, I wanted this, and I'm pretty sure she did too. Plus, she was heading to an area that hadn't had any attention from someone other than myself in god knows how long, and fuck, little Eddie was dying for some attention. Bella's lips tickled my happy trail, and I wanted it, it felt so good…

She grabbed the waistband of my jeans, grasping her fingers around the top button, popping it open, and trailing her fingers down the line of my cock. I hissed through my teeth, looking down at Bella as she looked down at my crotch, her eyes wide. Looking at her eyes made me pay attention again to the deep dark circles she had under them, and the fragile look to her skin. I knew I had to stop. She was too delicate right now, and we needed to talk some shit out before we let this go any further.

"Bella, stop," I said gently before grabbing her wrists to stop her from undoing any more buttons. She looked up at me surprised, her face falling, and she leaned up off me, averting her gaze from mine.

"Oh you don't…that's fine," she said, shaking her head. She sounded…sad? I leaned up on my arms and looked her closely, noticing a tear fall from her eye. Oh God, she thought I was rejecting her?

"No, no Bella! It's not…that," I tilted her head so I could see her face better. "I mean, you do _feel_ that right?" I looked pointedly down at my lap, and Bella blushed and nodded lightly. I smirked. "See? You beautiful, over sensitive girl," I said before kissing her forehead.

"But why…" Bella trailed off, and I could still see the faint blush to her cheeks.

"Because I don't want us to do something we'll both regret later." She looked at me perplexed. "Plus, I know you're hungry and I did promise to make you dinner." I smiled, but Bella still looked confused.

"Okay…," she frowned. I held her gently, stroking her sides, trying to make her comfortable. She sighed, and got off me, grabbing her sweater off the floor. She still looked unhappy, and I hated that.

"Hey," I grabbed her hand, pulling her toward me. She looked at me sullenly, and it crushed me.

"Believe me, I want to!" I said in a way that left no doubt. "I just don't want to do this too fast." I gazed up at her, willing her to believe to me. She bit her lip, then bent down to button my shirt for me. It was beautifully innocent as I watched her button me up, biting her lip the entire time.

"I believe you," she sighed, and put her hands on my shoulders. "So what are you going to make me?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Well, that depends. What do you like?" I asked, getting up to move to the fridge. Bella followed and sat down at my kitchen island.

"Hmm, how about you surprise me?"

"You really shouldn't have said that," I smirked. ""God only knows what you'll be eating!"

"I'm not too worried. Your cooking skills can't be that great."

"Ouch, you're wounding my ego Bella. I assure you I am an excellent chef."

"Is that so Cullen?" She raised her eyebrow at me but smiled, and I couldn't help smiling back. I still felt like I was floating on cloud nine. I knew now for sure that Bella felt some degree of the sexual attraction for me as I did for her.

"Yes," I said as I began to get out some pots and pans to make my now top secret dish for Bella. She was looking around nervously. "Make yourself at home," I said. "I told you it was a shit hole,"

"It's not a shit hole," Bella interrupted.

"Sure it is."

"It's not, it's…cozy." I barked a laugh.

"Yeah, otherwise known as a shit hole." Bella rolled her eyes at me but got up and walked over to the overflowing bookcase. I began to get out ingredients to make a fresh pasta sauce, throwing cherry tomatoes, olive oil, and red wine into a pan to simmer.

"You have so many books. Have you read all of them?" Bella called over.

"Most of them, though there are a few I haven't gotten to yet."

"I just can't believe you actually have more books than I do. It's ridiculous."

"Ha! I told you I was a nerd."

"I think I underestimated your nerdiness Cullen, even after the whole bowling team reveal," she laughed loudly, and honestly it was the greatest sound in the world to me. Bella continued to move around the room, looking around at my ridiculously small space.

"Edward Anthony Cullen!" Bella yelled, and I whirled around to look at her, but I couldn't see her. _Where the fuck did she go, and what the hell did she find? I really hope it wasn't my porn stash…_

"Where are you?" I called, and Bella came walking out of my bedroom, holding my guitar.

"You didn't tell me you played the guitar!" She was holding it gingerly, and I'm not going to lie, I was a little scared that she might drop it.

I shrugged. "It never came up." I took the guitar away from her and placed gently against the back of the couch.

"Wait, how did you know my middle name?" I was pretty sure I had never told her.

Bella blushed and looked down at her feet. "Would you believe me if I said it was a lucky guess?"

I cocked my eyebrow. "Yeah, not so much."

"I may have, er, stalked you a tiny little bit," Bella blushed further.

"You _stalked _me?" I was a little amazed at the moment. _No wonder she was always able to pop out of nowhere at work! _

"Not physically, I just may have looked you up in the white pages…" she admitted, and I started laughing uncontrollably.

"I'm glad you're taking this so well," Bella said with surprise, and grinned at her.

"You're adorable, you know that?" I was still giggling like an idiot.

"You're ridiculous…and your pot is boiling over," Bella said as she looked over to the stove. I followed her gaze, seeing that in fact my pasta pot was overflowing all over my stove and onto the floor.

"Fuck!" I threw my guitar on the couch and ran over to the stove, taking the lid off the pot and chucking it into the sink, frowning down at the mess I had made.

Bella only laughed as she grabbed a few dish rags from a cupboard and started helping me clean up.

"Thanks," I sighed. Making dinner for Bella was supposed to be all smooth and romantic, and mopping up water off my floor was definitely not either of those things. _Shit! _

"You know, pasta really isn't a surprise," she said, smiling at me while getting the excess water from the floor.

"I know, I just thought I could wow you with my pasta making skills. Clearly, that isn't going to happen now," I grumbled.

"Hey," Bella put her hand on my cheek, and I looked up. She had the sweetest smile and her eyes were glowing. "You already wow me Edward. All the time." And with that, she kissed me softly before getting up. I followed suit, a little dazed. _Jesus, would I ever get used to kissing this woman? _

After the whole pasta overflow problem, the rest of dinner went well. I made a salad to go with our meal, refusing to let Bella help when she asked, telling her it was a treat and I didn't want her doing any work. Bella asked me if she had missed anything at work, and I told her that it was an even more boring job when she wasn't there. She laughed at that. She also told me that she was planning on coming back in the next few days, and I was relieved to hear it.

We finally sat down to eat at my coffee table since I don't have an actual dinner table. Bella seemed ravenous and gobbled up what was on her plate. I, on the other hand, was picking and swirling my food around my plate, barely taking a bite of anything. I was trying to work up the courage to ask Bella about what happened in the store last week, because I was afraid that she was going to freak out.

Okay, I knew she was going to freak out, but I had to ask her. We seemed to being moving forward in our relationship, and I didn't think we would last with her pussyfooting around everything all the time.

I also wanted to ask Bella what she thought we were now. Fuck, I didn't know what we were now, but we can't say that we're just friends now, can we? Just because I had stopped Bella from going _there, that _didn't mean that I didn't want her. I mean, since I have known her I have imagined every which way I could have her. My dick in her mouth was a definite favorite. But I didn't want to rush into things. .

Suddenly, I was struck with something in the middle of my forehead. I blinked rapidly, stunned, and looked to down to see a piece of bread lying in front of me. Bella was giggling.

"Did you just hit me with a piece of garlic bread?" I asked before taking a bite of the piece she threw at me. She smiled.

"Well I had asked you to pass the salt twice, and you still didn't answer me, so I had to use other means to get your attention."

"You could have just shown me your boobs," I blurted out, and Bella smacked me on the arm. Hard. "Ow!" I yelped, rubbing the spot where she hit me.

"I'm a little more classy than that, Cullen. And maybe you'll think before you speak from now on," she said with her eyebrows raised and a smirk on her face.

"Consider my lesson learned," I sighed, and Bella frowned.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," I lied, not totally ready to ask her anything yet.

"I know you're lying Edward. Spit it out." She gave me the bitch brow, which honestly scared me a little bit. Fuck, I was going have to jump right into this, wasn't I?

"Bella, I need to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with me. Can you do that?" I looked deep into her eyes, pleading with her. _Please, please let me in. _Her face became ashen, and she looked down to her now empty plate, biting her lip furiously.

"What happened last week at work?" I asked softly, but Bella was still biting her lip incredibly hard. I was worried that she was going to cut it open biting it like that. I put my hand on her cheek, cupping her face, and she looked up at me with tears in her eyes. It was heartbreaking. I wanted to give up, but I had to get her to tell me something. She can't suffer alone like this anymore. I would take any small detail at this point.

"_Please," _I whispered, my breath fanning over her face. Bella's eyes widened and she sucked in a ragged breath, and then breathed it out heavily. Leaning back from my hand, she closed her eyes and started fidgeting with her hands.

"I, uh, have something called post traumatic stress disorder from…shit that happened a long time ago, and I sort of now have these triggers that cause me to like, lose my shit," she explained. "I'm really sorry you had to see that." Bella looked at me then, looking like she was trying to gage my reaction. I didn't know much about PTSD, but some things started to click into place.

"Bella, don't be sorry. You don't know how incredibly worried I was about you. You just went completely blank, and then you didn't even know it was me at one point…" I shuddered at the memory "It hurt so much to see you like that, and I couldn't do anything about it."

"You did help, believe me," she spoke softly, looking down at the ground to avert my gaze.

"What happened to you Bella?" I asked, and her eyes snapped back up to mine, a look of sheer fear in them. I almost wanted to tell her to forget about it, that she didn't need to tell me. But I desperately wanted her to let me in, let me in on what the fuck was torturing her, so that maybe, just maybe, I could help her.

She shook her head and moved away from me, getting up off the couch and pacing the room. "No," she said.

"Please, you can't live with all this shit bottled up all the time, because that is clearly not working for you."

She stopped pacing abruptly, clenching her fists and squeezing her eyes shut. She took a deep breath and turned to face me, and I nearly gasped, her eyes were so full of angry fire. It was getting hard to keep up with her ever changing moods, she had gone from complete fear to a dark rage in only seconds.

"Fine. You want me to 'unbottle' things, Cullen?" she snapped, shaking with rage. "Then I fucking will! Just don't say I didn't warn you!" She unzipped her hoodie swiftly, before turning around so that her back was facing me, and pulled her t-shirt over her head. _Was she actually trying to distract me be taking her top off? _I was staring at her naked back, just admiring her and not saying anything. She was so beautiful.

"What do these look like Edward?" she said over her shoulder, and it took me a minute to understand what she was talking about. I looked more closely at her back, and saw the thin raised tissue of her skin that crisscrossed her back in a faint pattern. They were very similar to the ones I had seen on her exposed shoulder the day at the coffee shop, but the ones on her back were longer, and some of them looked thicker, almost like they used to be welts.

"Scars. They look like scars from a rope or something," I stuttered, still not comprehending fully.

"They are what they look like," she said, her voice void of any emotion. "And it was a belt."

It took me more than a few seconds to figure it all out, but when I did, it felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. The pieces began to fall together, and it was horrifying.

Someone, some _bastard _had hit Bella so hard that she had fucking scars all over her back and god knows where else. It explained so much about some of the nuances in her personality too, how she was afraid of getting in trouble, and how sometimes she sounded like a lost little girl. No wonder she did, whoever did this to her destroyed her childhood.

_How could someone dare to do that to such a perfect creature? _I felt such enormous rage at knowing that someone had hit Bella like that on purpose, I wanted to find the bastard and make fucking sure he could never hurt a soul again. "Oh my God, Bella." I breathed out, trying to control my voice.

"Please don't tell me you're sorry, or that you feel bad for me. Just don't. I don't need any pity," she said. Although she spoke over her shoulder, I could see tears glistening down her face. I got up slowly, and walked over until I was standing right in front of her back, picking up her shirt on the way.

"Bella," I whispered in reverence, and brought my lips down to the top of her back, softly kissing one of the deeper scars she had there. Her breath hitched in her throat, but she didn't move away. I began to place more kisses on each scar that cut across her body, pouring into my kisses how much I cared for her, and how much I didn't want her to hurt anymore. I kissed each of her shoulder blades, down her spine, to the light scars that came across her lower back, then making the circuit back up again, wanting Bella to feel cherished and as loved as she should feel. _Wait. _I stared at her shoulder, surprised at my own thoughts. _Loved? _My heart was beating rapidly and my brain was going a mile a minute.

I loved her.

****

Please Review! 


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Sorry for so long between updates. I have had a busy semester and unfortunately not had the time to write for fun. I hope to update more this semester, but it will probably be shorter length chapters. **

**Nothing Twilight related belongs to me. However, the rest of it is all mine so please respect that.  
**

**Chapter 11 - BPOV**

I hadn't planned for this. Not at all.

Now here I was, more exposed than I had ever been in my life, and it was not because the top half of my body was now void of any clothing in front of a man. I could care less about that.

My exposure also had far less to do with my physical scars, and had all to do with the ones that couldn't be seen. The scars that I never ever let anyone see. I was strong Bella. Sarcastic Bella. A Bella who had a good number of one night stands and short relationships under her belt. I wasn't supposed to care or let people in, and he had changed it all in one moment.

I should have never kissed him, the first time was just to distract him from asking anything about my past. It worked, but I hadn't accounted for my reaction.

Mistake number one.

I had meant the kiss to be sweet, a sort of 'thanks for saving my life' kind of deal, but as soon as my lips touched his, every nerve ending in my body came to life, and I was feeling things I hadn't felt before, like I had been sleeping for my entire life, and had only just now been woken up. I was still so in awe of this new feeling in my body that the closer Edward got, his long fingers wrapping in my hair, his other hand wrapping securely around my waist, the more my body and my senses came alive. My hands grabbed fistfuls of his hair, bringing him impossibly closer. I felt his tongue glide across my lip, and the sparks that I had felt earlier turned into a full fledged explosion. I was feeling everything, and it scared me to my core. Everything I had tried so hard to do, to prevent from happening, happened anyway. Even as I pulled away, I knew it was too late. I was irrevocably changed from that moment. The cotton was pulled from ears and the blindfold had been removed from my eyes.

The sensations I had been feeling while I was kissing Edward, and each time I had kissed him today, it awoke something in me that hadn't been alive in a very long time, and it also pulled every other feeling out. The pain and mental torment from my past was not just in the background, occasional and sometimes embarrassing blips in my life, but was now eating away at my subconscious, leading up to this exact moment with me standing half naked in Edward's living room, my pulse racing and tears falling down my face.

I had never told anyone that Phil had beat me, nobody knew except him, my mother and I, and two out of the three of us were dead, so I never had to worry about anyone discussing it. Of course I have had people ask about my scars. I couldn't wear a bathing suit or even a tank top without some of my scars showing, but I would usually dismiss it as some childhood accident, and people wouldn't need anything deeper than that. I knew what he did to me, had waking nightmares because of it, but to actually verbalize what I went through was a completely different story. I hadn't even gone into the gory details with Edward, simply telling him they were scars from a belt. Edward was shocked, I could hear it in his voice, but I didn't want his pity. Pity couldn't change the past.

I heard him get up, but I was too afraid to look at him, afraid to see pity or disgust in his eyes. I could feel his hot breath on my neck as he spoke my name, and I gasped when I felt his lips brush against the skin. He kissed every scar I had visible, starting at my shoulders and trailing them down my back, coming back up again and kissing them each once more before stopping at the space between the edge of my jaw and my neck. His nose skimmed along my skin, causing my face to flush with heat, and I felt him whisper something into my skin before leaving another kiss at my throat.

"What did you say?" I asked, my voice shaky and breathless. Edward sighed and I felt him straighten up behind me. He turned me lightly with his fingers so now I was facing him, and brought my shirt over me to pull it over my head.

"Don't worry, it's not important," he said softly, pulling my shirt over my head and helping me with the arm holes like I was a child. You would think I would be offended by such an action, but I was too emotionally and physically exhausted to care in that moment.

I forced myself to look at him finally, knowing all too well that he was lying to me about it not being important, but I lost my train of thought when I saw his eyes. His deep blue eyes had changed, and although they were soft, there was something burning behind them, something that I had never seen before, making the color look almost turquoise. We were both lost looking into each other eyes, and it seemed like we stood like that in silence, our eyes only breaking when Edward pulled me into his arms, immediately causing me to melt into his body.

"I want to kill the bastard that did this to you, Bella. I'm so sorry you had to go through something like that," he murmured into my hair, pulling me tighter to him, like holding me would make it go away. If only.

"It's not your fault. And besides, fate already beat you to Phil anyways." Edward looked back at me quizzically.

"He got shot in the head in some bar fight shortly after my mom died," I clarified. He looked at me solemnly for a few seconds, like he was debating something and then pulled me hard against his chest again, allowing me to bury my face in his chest and his wonderful scent. He seemed to be doing the same as he kissed the top of my head.

"He deserved a far less easy death than that, for what he did to you." I looked back up at Edward, and again saw the burning in his eyes. He was angry for what happened to me, that was obvious, but there was something else I was still trying to figure out.

I sighed and let my finger trail lazily across his lips. He had such pretty lips. Pink. Soft. Warm.

"I know."

We stood there for a few moments, both of us silent as he held me. I was so tired, the day had been so exhausting on so many levels, I knew I needed to sift through the things that happened to me today, but I was just so tired. Tired of being so emotional, tired of crying, just tired of being at this moment. Edward seemed to be reading my mind, because a few seconds later, he moved us toward the couch and pulled me beside him.

"Lets just forget about all this shit, and watch some stupid as fuck movie." He smiled at me, I nodded, barely having the energy to do even that. "Any suggestions?" he asked, quirking his eyebrow at me. I shrugged, not really caring at all what he put on. He browsed for a quick moment before pulling out a disc quickly and popping it in the DVD player, settling down beside me with a sheepish look on his face. I looked at him quizzically.

"What?" I asked as he put his arm behind my shoulders and laid back into the couch.

"I…uh… its nothing," he said, avoiding my gaze. I frowned.

"Sure it is," I murmured sarcastically. Edward looked at me and rolled his eyes, sighing.

"It's just kind of embarrassing."

"What?" What the fuck could he be embarrassed about? He wasn't the one who was rejected for a blow job and then whipped his top off, was he? He had nothing on me right now.

"This is kind of my favourite movie, and it makes me feel better when I'm sick and stuff, so I figured it would make you feel better. But it's stupid really. I mean, I'm a future lawyer and this is my favourite movie?" Edward was a bit flustered and it was pretty adorable he was worrying about something silly as this.

"Why would you be embarrassed?" I was confused, and now so was he. It was then I finally clued in that I didn't even know what movie he had put in, and I looked toward the screen, seeing the familiar blue Disney logo leave the screen, making way for a cartoon llama.

_Ahh, now I got it. _

I looked back at Edward, who was gazing at me for a reaction. He looked worried.

"You're embarrassed because your favourite movie is a Disney movie?" I asked as I started giggle. Edward blushed slightly.

"I'm a grown man for God's sake, I should like _Die Hard _or something."

"Edward, there is nothing wrong with liking a cartoon. It's actually pretty adorable of you."

"Adorable, what every man wants to hear." I giggled some more and watched a smile begin to tug at Edward's lips. God, that smile. I craved it always.

I settled into his side leaning back and feeling lighter then I had all day.

"Have you ever seen this one?" he asked, gesturing to the screen. I shook my head, not seeing many of the more recent Disney films. I just remembered the classics from my childhood, Snow White, Cinderella and all that.

"Oh man, you're in for a treat then. I swear you'll love this one." He smiled a big smile, almost like a little boy. Too flipping adorable. "By the way I can probably recite this movie verbatim, so I'm warning you now that I just might do that. A lot."

Once we got into the movie, he actually did start saying all the lines.

"A Llama? He's supposed to be dead!" Edward said in this high pitched voice during one part of the movie, which made me snort out loud. Edward looked at my with a silly grin on his face, and he ruffled my hair.

"What you don't like my Esma voice?"

"On the contrary, I think its very funny. Do you talk like old women often?"

"Har Har Bella, you love it."

"Of course I do." I said, the first thing coming to mind. It was true, him doing the voices of the characters was actually really funny. Edward's face however, clouded, and he turned back to the film with less enthusiasm then before. I wondered what had gotten into him, but I let it go, not wanting to bother him. I turned my attention back to the movie, but I slowly found myself drifting off. 

It was bright and I was confused.

I squinted, trying to adjust my eyes to the light, and slowly, I could see the faint outline of leaves above me, and then feeling the touch of soft grass whispering at the exposed skin of my hands and neck. _What the actual fuck? _I was in Forks again, but how was that possible? I was just in Edward's apartment, and now I was here?

I was staring confusedly at the sky when I heard the grass rustle suddenly beside me.

"You're back," a velvet voice murmured right beside my ear. I turned to find Edward smiling back at me, like he had been there the entire time, wearing that ridiculous pea coat again. That's when I clued in.

"I'm dreaming," I said, relieved that I hadn't gone crazy. Or at least, not any more so. Edward chuckled.

"Yes."

"I should have figured that out when I saw the sun. I don't think I have ever seen Forks this bright in my entire life."

"Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it hasn't happened."

"I thought you were supposed to be convincing me that this was a dream, not the other way around." I eyed him up, questioning him.

"I'm just stating a fact Bella," he said, picking up a loose strand of my hair and playing with the end.

"You're confusing me, that's what you're doing." I sat up, my brain not processing anything properly. Edward just kept smiling up at me, the picture of relaxation as he lounged in the grass.

"Well I am from the makings of your subconscious."

"Fuck, even here you're a smug bastard?" I scowled at him and he laughed again. If he was going to keep laughing at me, I was going to smack him. Though technically it was me making fun of myself since it was all my dream.

I guess.

Crap, this was making my brain hurt.

"You love me," Edward smiled at me, making the statement sound as true as water is wet. I was flabbergasted. I loved no one and nothing. My mother stamped out any of that possibility of that for me.

"Excuse me?" I gaped down at him in shock, and suddenly he was leaning in close to my face, his move so imperceptible that it was like he had been sitting like that the entire time. My pulse quickened at his proximity, and even though I knew he wasn't real, I was still completely dazzled by him.

"You know what I'm talking about." Edward's lips were now hovering over mine and I could feel his breath on my skin. If he thinks he could make me admit something like that with his fuckhot self…

Just then he captured my top lip with both of his, and I gave in. Letting myself get lost in the kiss.

Okay, so he was doing a very good job at convincing me he was right. A very, very good job.

"Edward, I…ah" I gasped between kisses and stifling a moan as he began to kiss down my neck. Oh God, this man. He would be my complete undoing. And I couldn't even chalk this all up to the dream. Edward had more than demonstrated his skills in this area on the train and in his apartment.

"Hmm?" he whispered into my skin, the feel of his breath on the wet trail left from his kisses making me shiver.

"Edward," I breathed, trying to regain my composure but finding it very difficult to do so. "Edward I don't…" I gasped out but I couldn't say it. "I can't…" Edward looked up at me then, bringing his face level with mine again. His eyes were full of the fire that I saw earlier, and I felt myself gulp, both scared and extremely turned on.

"You keep saying that, but it doesn't mean that it's not true, does it Bella?" He gazed at me, his eyes burning into mine.

"You don't understand, I can't love you Edward. I can't." I chocked out, barely able to breath, my heart hammering in my chest like a drum.

"But you do."

I didn't know what to say back to him, or maybe I was just incapable of doing so. I couldn't deny it, but I wouldn't admit it. I had been trying so hard to make myself believe it wasn't true, when all along it had been true. From the moment I met Edward Cullen, I never had a chance.

I couldn't get any words out, but I grabbed onto his face tightly, giving him the most searing kiss I could possibly give, pouring every ounce of feeling I had into it. I felt him fist my hair as he gasped for air, and I held on to him tighter, not wanting to lose this moment, and wanting to live in this dream forever.

"Bella, I…" Edward breathed before I heard an annoying buzzing sound. I looked around for the source but couldn't find anything, and when I looked back at Edward, he sighed.

"See you later Bella," he smiled, and the buzzing got louder. What the fuck was that? It sounded like an entire hive of bees.

"What?" I asked, wondering why we were ending this now, I wanted to know what he was going to say. Edward shook his head, and got up. Only muttering "Don't worry, it's not important." before he disappeared.

"Edward! Wait!" I yelled into empty forest, but the buzzing sound drowned out my call. It got louder and more constant, and suddenly, I was thrust out from the forest floor, the trees being replaced by a dark ceiling.

I gasped, feeling like I had just had the wind knocked out of me, and tried to get my bearings about me. I felt something warm on my hip, and I looked down, only to find a head of unkempt bronze hair below me. Edward had his cheek resting on my hip, and he was snoring lightly. From this angle, I could see his lips up in a twinge of a smile. I pulled my hands through his unruly locks as I contemplated what had happened in my dream.

I loved Edward. Despite all my trying to avoid it, it had finally happened. I had completely and utterly fallen for someone, and it scared me shitless. I wanted to run, to avoid it for as long as possible, but I couldn't get myself to move, or to even remove my hands from his hair. Edward didn't stir, and only nestled into my hip further. _Fuck. _

I was still raking my fingers through his hair when the buzzing sound came back again, only this time I realised it was my phone. Unthinkingly, I picked up the phone, and flipped it open.

"Hello?" I whispered, trying not to wake Edward up. He looked so peaceful.

"Bella?"

_Shit. _


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"Bella?" Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Jacob."

"You're alive!" Jacob said with a chuckle on the other end of the line. I rolled my eyes.

"That I am." I mumbled unenthusiastically. I did not want to have to deal with Jacob right now. I was cursing myself for not looking at the damn call display before picking it up. "Why are you calling so late?" I whispered into the phone, hoping not to wake Edward.

"I've been trying to get a hold of you for days, and I was worried something bad had happened to you or something! Besides, it's only 11:30, I figured you'd be still be up." Normally he would be right, but he had just ruined the first nightmare free sleep I've had in a while, so to say I was annoyed would be putting it lightly.

"I've been busy, Jake."

"Oh, well I'm glad you're okay." He seemed taken aback by my tone, but really, what was with this misplaced worry about me? Jake and I just had a fling, he knew that. At least, I thought he did. _Good job in hooking up with a stage 5 clinger. _Unfortunately, he regained his enthusiasm quickly.

"Listen Bella, the reason I've been trying to get a hold of you is that I wanted to let you know that I'm back in town…and that I was hoping I could see you. Soon." Gah, he sounded so hopeful. I am not good at this type of thing. Unfortunately not gifted with the ability of tact in these situations.

"Jake, I…" I started, but tried to find the right words. I couldn't do this now. I was tired, cranky, and had a very attractive man laying on me at the moment. Not really the right time to tell someone you are not interested in them anymore. "Can we talk about this later? I'm kind of…busy at the moment."

"Okay…"

"Call you sometime this week." I spoke quickly before hanging up, not even bothering to wait for his reply. I turned my phone off and sighed, everything was coming up fucking roses in my life, wasn't it?

I looked down at Edward, hoping the conversation hadn't woken him. That would be a very awkward conversation I didn't want to have. However when I did look, he was still sleeping, even snoring lightly. It wasn't annoying at all, like most guys snoring. His was soothing, steady as a heart beat and actually quite adorable.

I let my fingers pull lightly through his hair again, entranced by its soft texture, and the stress from Jacob's phone call melted away within seconds.

I had essentially been petting Edward's head for what felt like an hour, when I felt Edward move around me. I stilled my hand as I felt him circle his arms around my waist, and just before I felt him nuzzle his nose into my hip. I heard a softly spoken "Bella", a smile coming to his lips.

My breath caught in my throat as my heart began to hammer so loud I was afraid he could hear it. What I had dreamt about came flooding back to me with incredible power. I recalled every moment we had together, from the first day I had met him, to this very moment, and I saw it. I saw everything. Every touch, word, look, and action had all been leading up to this point.

Edward and I were never meant to be friends. The incredible pull we had toward each other should have been the first clue. I stupidly ignored it.

What I couldn't ignore was how he made me feel, how I felt lost when he wasn't there, and how he made me feel alive and made me feel in ways I didn't think I was capable of anymore.

I loved him. I fucking loved him. I had never before believed in fate, or any of that destiny crap, but now? Could I deny that something stronger than myself brought Edward and I together? I didn't think I could anymore. It was all too magical to simply be by accident. He was the only one that could bring me back out of my nightmares, and he had repeatedly saved me from myself. Every kiss and touch felt right, like we were created to do exactly that. I was empty without him, not entirely whole, this past week being a perfect example of that.

In the way Edward had touched me earlier, and the way he kissed every one of my scars, like he was cherishing me. I had known Edward had feelings that were more than friendly for me, but could he love me too? I didn't know if that scared me more than my own love for him. I could protect him from myself if it was one sided, but if he loved me? It would be that much more difficult to prevent us from getting in too deep.

_Don__'__t you see? You__'__re already there. _

Fuck. My. Life.

I tried to think rationally about all this, but being me, that was harder said then done. The rational thing would be just to give in and be with Edward. I was pretty sure he wanted it, and I sure as fuck did.

But I couldn't be that selfish, because I knew how much he would give of himself to me. He was a good person, the most generous, strong, and kind person I knew, and being with someone like me could only bring him down. I had already seen the impact of my breakdown on him, how he was worried about me. I didn't want to break him even more. I couldn't bear watching him try to fix me. I was beyond fixing. He deserved more. So much more.

How I wished I could be the right one for Edward. That I could be whole for him, not broken or screwed up. It hurt so much I couldn't be that for him. I loved him, I knew that now, and I would do my best to protect him, even from myself.

The problem was, I had no idea how I could do that. Sure, I could cut him out of my life, but even the thought was too painful. Besides, Edward would be hurt in that situation as well, and that's exactly what I was trying to stop.

My mind was running in circles as I stared up at Edward's ceiling, he was luckily sleeping like a baby, his arms wrapped securely around my body. _Lucky bastard. _

_Just give in. _

I wanted to. So badly.

_You love him. _

I know.

My thoughts bounced around my head for a long time after that, coming up with numerous scenarios, and they all ended with at least one of us getting hurt. Because that's what happens when people got close to me.

I guess "normal" people would ask why I couldn't just imagine everything being a fairytale ending to my life, and why I refused to even acknowledge a positive outcome. But I'm not normal. My life has never been normal, as much as I have tried, I'll never be normal. My nightmares and scars are only the beginning. I don't get happy endings. I get ghosts and demons that haunt me in my sleep, horrible memories that plague my thoughts during the day. My childhood is so screwed up, not even an Oprah special would want to touch it. To bring Edward into my nightmarish existence because he made me feel good and loved, would be selfish. I would inevitably poison his goodness.

How could I deal with loving Edward but doing nothing about it? He himself told me I was a bad liar, so would I be able to hide the fact that I was in love with him? That I would give anything to be what he wanted me to be? Would he want a Bella who didn't have scars on her body? A Bella that wasn't broken? It would be almost impossible to do, he could read me so well.

I went back to running my hands through Edward's soft bronze hair, the repetitive movement bringing me comfort and calm. My thoughts began to slow down, my eyes becoming heavy again. Without all the chaotic thoughts going on in my brain, my mind became free to think of good things. The warmth of Edward's arms wrapped around me. His intoxicating scent. His soft lips against mine, and his tongue mingling with mine in just the perfect way. How could something that perfect be wrong?

As I drifted off to sleep, my hands still Edward's hair, the meadow came back to my memory. Edward and I laying next to each other, both staring and unspeaking, in awe of each other's company.

It was the meadow that broke my resolve.

Light. It's too bright. I roll over to hide from the light. _That__'__s better._

I try to go back to where I was before, but my senses are waking up. I hear a small crackling sound. What is it? I smell the air, the smell of bacon assaulting my senses along with something else. It's familiar…

That's when it hits me.

I force my eyes open, which is really no use since I buried my head in a cushion only moments ago, and all I see is the ugly brown velvet of the couch. I roll over and bolt upright, causing my head to spin from the head rush.

"Whoa. Too fast." I try to focus, and I hear Edward chuckle from the kitchen. I look towards him and almost have another head rush. His hair is wet, indicating that he must have just come out of the shower, but what stops my brain from working is that he is wearing a white wife beater that leaves his perfectly sculpted arms all out in the open. Don't even get me started on his back. I think I might be drooling.

Edward turns around at my words and of course notices my stare.

"See something you like?" he asks, that smug grin breaking out on his face.

"Yeah, I really love bacon." Ha. Take that Edward. Two can play at this game.

"You do huh?" He arches his eyebrow inquisitively at me. "Hmm." His eyes become hooded and I watch as he licks his lips, forcing me to bite my lip to stop myself from moaning. He walks over to me with a plate in hand, and I notice then that he has made me a full breakfast, eggs, toast, bacon, the works.

I figure he is going to hand me the plate, but when he sits down beside me he keeps it in his lap. Is he going to just make breakfast for himself and make me watch as he eats it ? Bastard.

"So, bacon." He looks at me with a slight smile, and I am confused about where the fuck he is going with this. I swear to God if he makes some "I must like meat in my mouth" joke I am going to punch him in the junk. And steal his breakfast.

He chuckles slightly before picking up a piece of bacon, and holds it in front of my mouth. There is fire in his eyes as he licks his lips again, and I get what he is doing now, and it had very little to do with bacon. I open my mouth for it, playing the game just as much as he is right now, and wrap my lips around the meat. It's been perfectly cooked, and it's so good, I lick my lips afterwards.

There is a crash and suddenly his warm lips on mine, hungry and frantic. Our faces smash together and there is the faint taste of mint on his breath mixed with coffee. I nibble on his lip, and hear Edward groan, his hands grasping me everywhere. I lay back down as he hovers over me, and wrap my legs around him so I can pull him closer, feeling his body on mine. I expect him to push away, like the last time, but he doesn't, and I can feel him grind himself into me.

This time I don't stifle the moan.

"Bella," he moans back. He's breathless, and so am I. My hands come to his back, pulling him impossibly closer and feeling those magnificent back muscles through the thin cotton of his shirt.

His hands are in my hair, on my face, and then skimming along my ribs, his lips eager and hot. So hot.

This time, my stomach is the cock blocker. It grumbles loudly and I feel my face become flushed. Edward pulls away chuckling. I frown, I do not want him to pull away, I want him back in my arms and in between my legs. Damn my loud stomach!

"Ahh," Edward mumbles, rubbing his face. "Sorry about that."

"You should be, teasing me like that should be illegal." He stops rubbing his face and looks at me inquisitively before cracking a smile.

"I meant attacking you like that," he says, laughing lightly. "I should control myself better, not be so…. animalistic." Oh, on the contrary, I really like it when he's being _animalistic. _He's the predator and I'm the prey? Yeah, that works. _Rawr. _

My whole internal debate from last night has clearly gone out the window, making it perfectly clear to me that I'm pretty fucking dazzled by a certain Mr. Edward Cullen. One touch of his lips and I am putty in his capable hands.

"It's just really hard to control myself when I'm around you. It's like you're a drug to me." he mumbles, his eyes trained on mine like a hawk. I gulp and feel my skin get hot. He's better at this than I thought.

"Sorry?" I say, still so dazzled by his eyes I must sound like a bumbling fool. Edward flashes his crooked smile, causing my head to spin once again, and musses my hair before he gets up. I watch him as he frowns down at the scrambled eggs and bacon on the floor, sighing before he kneels down to clean it up.

"There is a plate keeping warm in the oven if you want to grab some food while I clean this up."

"I can help you if you want." I feel bad to be eating while he is cleaning a mess I am partially responsible for. Edward sighs exasperatedly.

"Eat, this is fine." He waves his hand over the mess. "It's my fault anyways, since I tried to seduce you with pork products."

"It worked didn't it?"

"Touche." He laughs and I grab the food. I am actually pretty hungry, and breakfast smells delicious. I settle back down on the couch as he finishes cleaning up, totally ogling his ass as he is bent over. Thankfully, he doesn't notice that. No need to add fuel to that fire.

The breakfast is as good as it smelled, and I'm in awe of how well Edward can cook. Most guys I know can barely boil water without almost burning the house down. Is there anything he doesn't do well? Don't answer that.

"Where did you learn to cook so well?" I ask with a glob full of eggs in my mouth. _Good job Bella, very attractive. _

Edward shrugs before sitting back down, stealing a piece of my toast at the same time. Normally I would protest, but I am sort of the reason his landed on the floor.

"I dunno, practiced I guess. Besides, it's just scrambled eggs. Not exactly rocket science."

"You have clearly not been to been to the fine establishment of Fork's one and only diner. Worst. Eggs. Ever." I laugh. Edward chuckles with me, but there is an edge to it, and I know immediately that there is something else on his mind. His eyes get that distant look when he's thinking too much.

"What's up Cullen?" I ask as I set down my plate on the coffee table. "And don't you dare tell me that it's 'nothing'."

"How do you know that?" He's avoiding the answer. I frown.

"I can tell by your face. You're incredibly easy to read."

"I pay attention," I shrug, but blush at the same time. Edward's hand comes to my face, brushing the hair off it before tucking it behind my ear. "Your blush is beautiful." His voice is soft, like velvet, and my heart beats hard in my chest, the heat in my cheeks getting warmer. This kind of stuff made me more nervous than anything physical we did. The physical stuff was easy. Kissing him was easy. But these emotions, the way his eyes bore into mine as if he was trying to read my soul, and the way I felt the care in his touch, that was harder. Because even though I knew I loved him, it didn't mean I was ready to feel all that. It was too much.

He was still staring into my eyes, reading my face and searching for something. It was all becoming too much. I needed to go. Now.

"I have to go," I almost yelped, bolting off the couch. Edward's eyes were wide, surprised, his hands losing their hold on my face. I started grabbing up my things, rushing towards the door.

"Wait!" Edward yelled, coming out of his surprised stupor. I was having trouble with the damn dead bolt, my hands fumbling nervously. _Come on! _

Finally I unlocked it, but my fumbling had slowed me down, and Edward's hand shot to the door hard, stopping it from opening any more than an inch. I flinched.

"Where are you going?" His voice had lost the calm that it had earlier, and his face was angry now. I didn't like it. It reminded me of much harder things that I couldn't think about right now. Now was not the time to breakdown again.

"Home. I have errands to run and things to do before I have to go back to work tomorrow," I said, my voice devoid of any emotion. His face softened, but he still looked perplexed.

"Bella, I really think we should talk about what happened-"

"-Not now, Edward. I need to go." I interrupted, not wanting to hear what I knew he was going to say. His eyes searched mine, looking for something, and I had no idea what for, but whatever he found made him remove his hand from the door, his eyes growing sad. Hurt. My heart lurched. See? I was already hurting him. I didn't want to hurt him.

Tears pricked in my eyes, and I had to get out of there now before the waterworks started, all the things that had happened to me in the past twenty-four hours were coming to a head, and I was so close to breaking. Edward could not see that side of me again.

_I__'__m so sorry Edward. _I wanted to say that out loud, but I couldn't, only telling him I'd see him at work before bolting out the door without looking back. For all I knew, Edward was still stuck at the door, where I had hurt him.

I continued to run, running from his building, and even bypassing the subway as I ran through the busy streets of the city. I ran until my lungs were ready to burst and my skin was slick with sweat, but I kept going, running until I was safely in my apartment, where I finally stopped. There, I collapsed on my kitchen floor, letting my emotions take over my body. I made wretched noises, and sobbed for hours. If my neighbors didn't already think I was insane, they did now. They probably just put earplugs in and ignored me. That's one thing I learned about this city. People didn't care.

I stayed on the floor until darkness took over my apartment, mentally hurting and my limbs becoming stiff from being curled up in the same position for hours on end. Eventually I dragged myself off my floor and took a shower, and I stood there until the hot water was drained and my body was numb.

It wasn't until later, when I was in my bed, praying for sleep even if I had one of my nightmares, that I remembered something.

As I ran from Edward's apartment, he said something before I left. I didn't pay attention at the time of my hysterics, and I don't even think he fully intended for me to hear it either. But now I distinctly remembered, the words cutting at me because I knew I had hurt him, the pain in his voice clearly evident as he said those four words, causing another wave of hysterics.

All I could see was his face, full of pain, and his voice as he said, "Stop running away Bella."

**A/N: Music suggestion: Barton Hallow's album_, Civil Wars, _especially the song _Poison & Wine. _It fits very well with the chapter. **

**Please review!  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I don't own anything Twilight related. The rest is mine however. **

**Music suggestion: Iron and Wine's _Walking far from home. _**

**Chapter 13**

I never knew before how much it could hurt to have someone you love run away from you. Watching Bella leave without being able to stop her, for to her to fear me, speared me like a knife in the heart. She was scared, I knew that, but why? The mystery behind her shifting moods was becoming ever more present. I needed to understand the mystery. It wasn't merely curiosity. I thought that maybe if I could figure out why she ran, why she feared anything serious about us, I could move her closer to the idea of us.

There had to be more behind the horrible physical abuse she encountered. I saw the gut-wrenching physical evidence last night on her back (I didn't even want to think about the possibility of her having more scars elsewhere because of that bastard), but what about the mental impact? That was something I couldn't see easily see or figure out. What else tormented her in her mind?

After one more look down the now empty hallway, I slammed the door and ran my hands through my hair in frustration. I didn't really know what to do. I could have run after her, but I was so surprised I could barely move, and there was no hope I would find her if I went after her now. I didn't even know where she lived, so it was not like I could guess what route she took. I could call Bella, but since she had ignored me the past week after her breakdown, she would probably ignore my calls now.

_Still..._ My eyes wandered over to my phone that was abandoned on the kitchen counter. _It couldn't hurt to try. _I walked over and grabbed it, finding Bella's number easily in my contact list.

OK, who am I kidding. I memorized it already.

I stared at her name in my phone, trying to figure out what to say if she actually did pick up. I wasn't having much luck after about five minutes of staring at my phone, and just as I was about to shove my phone into my pocket and go wallow in my own self pity, when I felt my phone vibrate in my hand. I froze, thinking that fate had finally dealt me a good card, but frowned once the caller display showed me it was only Garrett.

"Hello?" I answered half heartedly.

"Whoa, who died?" Garrett chuckled. Apparently I sounded more depressed than I had thought.

"You know one of these days that might actually be true, and who will feel like the ass then?"

"I'll cross that bridge when I come to it," he said with a laugh. I rolled my eyes. "But, seriously dude, you sound like someone ran over your grandmother. What's up?"

I sighed into the phone. I really didn't want to talk about this with Garrett. "It's nothing."

"It's not about that chick is it? You really are a girl sometimes, you know that Cullen?" I was now kicking myself for ever telling Garrett and Ben about Bella. After her breakdown and simultaneous disappearance from my life for the past week, I had mistakenly vented my frustration to my two best friends. They didn't understand why I had been going to so much trouble with Bella, especially since we we're _supposedly_ just friends. Garrett had bugged me since then about being a girl, but Ben had been a little more supportive, and by supportive I mean he told me "That's sucks man." _I think I need to find new friends._

"Shut-up Thompson" I snapped, not in the mood for him to be busting my balls again over this.

"Chill, dude. I've just never seen you so hung up about a girl before. Especially one you're not even banging. You weren't even this annoying when you found out Tanya cheated on your ass." It was true, Tanya had treated me like shit, but I don't remember waiting for her to call like I did with Bella. Maybe I have just gotten more desperate. I frowned, that wasn't a pleasant thought.

"Is that all you ever think about?," I ignored the Tanya jab. Trying to have an intelligent conversation about women with Garrett was like trying to teach a cow to play chess, futile.

"Is this a trick question?"

"Har-har."

"You really care about this girl Ella, don't you?"

"Bella," I wanted to hit him. Too bad being on the phone hindered that ability.

"Whatever, _Bella. _You didn't answer my question."

I sighed. "I do. A lot."

"That sucks man."

"Thanks so much for the support,"

"Aw man, you know what I mean. Being crazy about a girl but not being able to have her, must be driving you nuts."

"That's an understatement."

"Hey dude, why don't we call Cheney up and we'll throw back a few beers at O'Reileys? That would cheer you up."

"It's 11 AM." I pointed out.

"So? It's 5 o'clock somewhere."

I considered saying no, but what else would I be doing if I didn't? I would probably be just sitting on my couch thinking about calling Bella and waiting for her to call me, and that sounded incredibly pathetic.

"Fine, call Cheney. I'll meet you guys there in an hour."

After several hours and more than several beers, I tried to just shoot the shit with the guys, but me being drunk just got me bouncing between being pissed and being lonely. The guys thought I was crazy, which was probably true by now.

After trying to get me to talk about anything else but Bella and failing miserably, they dragged my ass back to my apartment, where I unceremoniously passed out on my bed, waking up a few hours later, more than parched and still quite drunk.

I stumbled over to get some water in the darkness, nearly falling twice over my own feet. I felt better after downing a couple glasses of water, my head feeling slightly less fuzzy. I picked my phone out of my pocket, seeing if I had any missed calls or texts, but nada, zilch.

Before even looking at what time it was, I called Bella's cell, not even knowing what I would say if she picked up. "Hey Bella. I drank myself into oblivion because of you today. Oh, and BTW, I'm hopelessly in love with you," _Keep it cool Cullen. No one likes a clinger. _

I didn't have to worry because, of course, it went sent straight to voicemail. I didn't even bother to leave a message. I tried to calm myself down after, but I was getting more antsy and fidgety. I needed to see her. To talk to her. To kiss her perfect, red lips... but I didn't know where she lived.

That's when the creeper in me came out. I searched Bella's name and number in the database, and since Isabella Swan was quite an uncommon name, there was only one search result. _God bless the person who created white pages_. I scribbled the address down on my hand, threw on some sneakers, and practically bolted out the door.

Bella didn't live too far from me, only a short subway ride away, and thankfully there weren't many people on the train, or they would have mistaken me as a crack head or something with the way I was fidgeting so much. I couldn't help it, my body felt like it was filled with electricity, and with every moment that I got closer to Bella, the more my body seemed to become a live wire. I needed her, and I was addicted to her. That's the only way to describe my need and want for her. The train could not go fast enough, and as soon as the door opened, I nearly tackled some kid pushing my way out and running out Bella's apartment.

I don't know how I did it, especially since I was semi-drunk and even when I'm sober I'm still one of the clumsiest people in the world, but I made it to the address I had written down in pretty good time, unscathed too. I gave myself a mental high five. Bella lived on the 5th floor, and it was only a walk up, so I dashed up the stairs, out of breath once I made it to her floor. Once I had caught my breath again, I looked at my hand again for the apartment number, and it looked like a 10B written there, but it had become smudged after my palms had gotten sweaty from my run. I walked to 10B and raised my hand to knock, but I couldn't. I was frozen with my fist hovering over the wood. I was panicking.

I wanted to see her. Fuck, my whole body ached for it. But what was I doing? I didn't even know what time it was and I was going to bang on her door? I still didn't even know what I wanted to say to her, I just knew I needed to see her.

I was just lowering my fist from the door when I heard a noise in the apartment. It was muffled, so I couldn't tell what it was.

"Bella?" I called out and knocked, thinking and hoping she was awake so I wasn't bothering her. I got no response. I was about to knock again when I heard the most blood curdling scream I have ever heard in my life, and it came from within Bella's apartment.

A million different scenarios went through my head in those mere seconds. All of them making me panic. "BELLA!" I yelled and banged on her door. I heard another scream and I nearly lost it. Was someone in there? Was someone hurting her? I tried the handle but it was locked. My panic spreading further.

I wasn't even thinking straight as I started to bang into the door with my shoulder in order to get it in.

Logic wasn't with me as I threw myself into it several times until I busted it open, noticing minutely that she didn't have the deadbolt locked.

Now if there was some intruder in there, the smart thing to have done was to find some weapon that could be of use , a kitchen knife or a bat. But I wasn't thinking properly, so I grabbed a semi-heavy lamp, hoping that I could at least bash an attacker's head in with it.

Bella screamed again once I was inside, and I booked it, trying to find where the noise was coming from. I found her room and threw the door open, lamp raised and ready. My eyes scanned the room quickly, but I found nothing and no one other than Bella in her room. She was curled up into a ball in the middle of her bed, and in the light streaming in from the street lamps outside, I could see that she had her hands clasped around a pillow, her face contorted in pain. I put the lamp down, pretty sure that there was no attacker in there and I let out a sigh of relief.

I didn't really know what to do then, I had just broken down her door thinking she was being murdered, but there was nothing. She seemed deep asleep since she obviously didn't even hear me burst in. As I was watching her, she let out a strangled moan, and I felt my own face contort into pain, my heart wrenching. She was dreaming about something, and it was bad.

I ran to her side and tried to shake her awake. "Bella!" I said much softer than I had earlier. I was trying not to scare her. Though I was vaguely aware of the fact that me just being in her room in the middle of the night would scare the fuck out of her. The shaking didn't do it, and she started moaning in pain again, so I framed her face with my hands, my face close to hers.

"Wake up, Bella. It's only a nightmare baby. It's alright." I let my breath fan over her face, and she took a sharp intake of breath, sounding like someone who had been drowning but had finally found some air. Bella's eyes fluttered open, and I couldn't help the smile that came to my face when I saw her beautiful brown eyes again. She looked at me unfocused, like she was trying to decipher the image in front of her, and I watched as they focused again, her eyes showing confusion.

Well at least she didn't seem freaked out about me busting into her apartment. Yet.

My hands were still framing her face, my face only inches away from hers. My breathing became irregular, and it may have been way too inappropriate right then, but all I wanted to do in that moment was kiss her. She was my fucking drug.

Bella was still looking at me with confusion, and she raised her hands slowly to my face, placing her hands exactly the same place on my face that I had on hers. Light as a feather, her hands drifted up, feeling the contours of my face and running her fingers through my hair. She caressed my cheeks and we were still, staring into each other's eyes.

"You're really here," she said softly, though her voice was hoarse from screaming. Tears looked like they threatened to escape her eyes at any moment. I gulped, my throat feeling thick all of the sudden. I nodded.

"You're here," she repeated, her eyes brimming over with tears.

"I'm not going anywhere," I said reverently before pulling her face to mine. Our kiss was a slow burn, and I moved my body and rolled us so I was hovering over her. Bella tugged at my hair and pulled me closer, her tongue massaging mine as I fisted her shirt. I could feel myself growing hard, and I was pretty sure that Bella could feel it too, as we were practically plastered together, but neither of us said a thing.

I felt Bella move her hands down my back to the hem of my shirt, pulling it up my body so she could take it off me. I broke our kiss only to help her take it off, and almost smirked when I saw Bella's eyes roam my body. I attacked her mouth again and I felt her groan, which spurred me on. I let my hands feel her body, the curve of her breasts, the delicate nature of her waist, and traced my finger along her hip bone. At my touch Bella grew more frenzied in her kisses, her pelvis meeting mine for any sort of friction. I knew we shouldn't be doing this right now, but I couldn't find it in me to care at the moment.

Bella broke off for air and I began to nibble at her neck, noticing how it flushed and how she was panting for air. My hands were playing with the flimsy straps of her tank top, assaulting her neck and chest with kisses when I barely heard her whisper.

"What did you say?" I looked up from Bella's neck to find her looking straight at me and biting her lip.

"I said, I want you to take my top off." She blushed, but looked sure of herself.

You are probably thinking that I told her no, or maybe that I hesitated . I probably should have, we were moving way too fast, and truth be told, we should probably not be making out and dry humping after I had broken into her apartment for the nonexistent attacker, but I couldn't find it in me to care. Maybe it was the alcohol that was still in my system, or it could have been the adrenaline that had coursed through my veins before finding Bella safe in her bed. I would like to think it was just the sheer need I felt for her, the need that seemed to be echoing strongly in Bella right now.

With one more look at Bella's eyes, I swiftly pulled her tank top off, her bare breasts exposed to me. I took a long moment to just drink her in, taking in her perfect form. Her breasts, in a couple words, were fucking fantastic. I cupped them with my hands, loving the way they fit perfectly in my palms. Not too big and not too small. Just. Fucking. Perfect.

Bella was watching me, one eyebrow arched in my direction.

"What?" My own eyebrows arching in response.

"See something you like, Cullen?" She bit her lip, not in nervousness this time, but being coy. Fucking hell, if that didn't make me even harder.

"Hmm, like?" I brought my lips back down to her neck, alternating between skimming my nose down her throat and leaving kisses there. "No, not like," I said, nipping and biting her collarbone. I moved my head down, bringing my tongue to her pert nipple, and teasing her once. I felt her shiver underneath me and her breath exhale sharply. _Hmm, interesting. _I licked her nipple again and I felt her squirm underneath me, her back arching off the bed.

"Fuck! Edward!" She cried, and I smiled once before taking her sensitive point in my mouth, sucking lightly. I was surprised that when I did, Bella let out a throaty moan that would put some porn stars to shame. It was hot. I released my mouth from her nipple, trying to hold myself together.

"Jesus Christ, Bella! You'll be the death of me, I swear." I tried to sound pissed, but it just came out a barely teasing tone.

"Me? How about you? I thought I was going to c-" Bella cut herself off and her face reddened. Wait. She wasn't going to say what I think she was going to say, was she?

"You weren't..."

"Uh..." The color on her face deepened and she looked away from my eyes.

"Close?" Her eyes darted back to mine, and she looked like she was debating something. I don't know what she saw in my face, but it decided whatever it was for her, and I watched as her eyes became a molten brown; melting my very core.

"So close."

"Fuck!" I cursed out, attacking her nipple once more with my mouth, using my other hand to palm at the other. Couldn't let one get all the attention. Bella arched into my mouth, grabbing my hair as I nibbled and sucked.

She let out a few unabashed moans that only spurred me on. Minutes later, I switched to her other side, and with a few turns at that one, I felt Bella shudder underneath me, crying out.

I let go of her nipple and kissed her hard. Not because I was worried about the noises she was making, her neighbours had obviously not noticed anything when she was screaming earlier, but in that moment I needed to feel her mouth on mine. To feel how it felt as she came. She kissed me hard, dragging her nails down my back, causing me to shiver and push myself harder onto her. Bella moved her hands to my jeans, not even hesitating to undo the top button of my pants. I should be stopping her, but I didn't want to. Lust had taken over me. No room for the gentleman tonight.

Bella's hand stilled on my zipper, and I swear she could have been reading my mind in that moment.

"We should probably stop, shouldn't we?" She asked, coming up for air from our frantic kissing. I think I mumbled something close to "no", kissing her again while feeling the silky strands of her hair between my fingers. Bella moaned and gave in for a moment, but all too soon she was breaking off again. _For fuck sakes..._

"Edward. Stop." She said it with such force that I thought I was doing something that was hurting her, and I stiffened above her. "Hey, look at me," Bella said softly, and I did look, her face soft and caring.

"What's wrong?" My brow furrowed in confusion.

"Nothing's wrong Edward. My god, is it ever not wrong." She smiled, her face flushing crimson once again.

"Then, what is it?" I asked. I think at this point the blood had left my brain long ago. Bella sighed and put her hands in my hair, watching her fingers as they played with what was probably a chaotic mess on my head.

"You don't want to do this."

I scoffed. "On the contrary, I think you can very much feel how much I want to do this." Bella rolled her eyes.

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"I mean that this isn't the way you want to do this."

"And how do you know that?" I can't help myself, deep down I am like every other horny male. Just wanting to get laid.

"Edward, I know you. You would hate yourself afterwards. No matter how much you want me now."

"And why would I hate myself?" I really didn't get it. I wanted Bella, I was attracted to her and I loved her, what more could make this anymore right? But then it hit me, all of that should make me stop, because if I loved Bella, I would do this with her the right way. Not when I was still half drunk, not to mention a home invader. And especially not while we still haven't really talked about "us" and what happened this morning. I felt my face fall.

"Edward," Bella grabbed my face, her small hands holding my face with surprising strength. "I know you want to do this right...and so do I." That surprised me, Bella had earlier been the one to push for us to move faster, but now she wanted to go slow? What had changed?

"So you want to take this slow?" I asked. Bella smiled.

"Yeah, I guess I do."

I am not going to lie, the horny 21 year old male in me was disappointed, but the way Bella looking at me and holding my face, I couldn't be mad. I smiled back at her.

"Okay then," I said rolling off of her and onto the bed beside her. I was silent beside her as I tried to calm the fire that was inside me, trying once again to conjure images of Grandma Cullen.

"Edward?" Bella asked, breaking the silence. I turned to look at her, and she was on her side, gazing at me.

"Bella?" I answered, and I saw something in Bella's eyes then, but it moved too quick for me to name the emotion behind it.

"Will you stay? I mean with me... tonight?" she asked tentatively. Her gaze shifted away from me and she began to fiddle with edge of a pillow. I almost laughed out loud. Here she was bare breasted in front of me, but she was nervous about asking me to stay? It was odd and adorable at the same time.

"Of course." I smiled. I don't know what I would have done if she asked me to leave. I don't think I could if I wanted to. Bella looked up at me and she smiled back before quickly burying into my chest. It felt so good to hold her there, to keep her in my arms. She was warm and beautiful and perfect. I let myself breathe in the smell of her hair, the scent and the feeling of Bella's body wrapped in mine making me feel more content than I could ever remember.

I was almost asleep and I thought Bella was, when I heard her speak softly.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?" I hummed, I was teetering on unconsciousness at this point.

"Thank you." I looked down at Bella and tilted her head towards mine with my fingers so I could look at her.

"For what?" Bella's eyes were sleepy, but in them I saw tears. One fell and I trapped it with my thumb, wiping it away.

"For you," she said quietly before she brought her lips softly to mine once more.

**I know its been an epically long time since I updated, and I'm sorry for that. Real life sucks some times. Reviewers get a sneak peak at my next story that's in the works. Don't worry though, bookstoreward is still my top priority.  
**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Thanks for reading and being patient with my slow updates. Also, thanks for nominating JF's Rosalie for best Rosalie in the Avant Garde awards! **

**Nothing Twilight related belongs to me.  
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**BPOV **

I don't think that I have ever felt this content ever in my life. Warmth covered every part of my body. It wasn't an uncomfortable heat, no, it was a heat that filled my limbs and organs with life, an energy humming through my veins that I had never experienced to this degree before.

All this before I was fully conscious.

I could feel the sunlight on my eye lids, and normally I would be all for escaping sleep, but I had the feeling that I was just awaking from an amazing dream. Even though I didn't fully remember what it was about, I just knew I wanted to be back there. It was where I was happy.

I moved to stretch my arms and legs, expecting to come into contact with cool sheets, but instead my hands found a a very warm and very hard stomach, my legs tangling with much longer ones. _No. It was just a dream. He can't be here. _I was too afraid to open my eyes, thinking that I was still in a dream, so I let my hands feel their way. Hands moving up from his stomach to his broad chest, feeling the light dusting of hair that was there. They moved across his shoulders , then ghosted up his strong neck and Adams apple. My breath was shaky as I now processed that there were strong arms encircling me, holding me close. I touched a pair of lips that were just above my head, and I felt them part at my touch.

"Mmmm," he hummed, pulling me tighter into his embrace. His face burying into my hair. I nuzzled my nose into his neck, breathing in the smell that was so enticing and so attractive to me; the undeniable smell of Edward.

So I wasn't dreaming. Edward was actually here. Everything felt so right and so perfect. All the pain I felt in his absence melted away. He was my drug of choice and I didn't care about the consequences. All the reasons why I had ran before seemed insignificant because Edward was here when I needed him the most, and even when I tried to push him away, he still found me.

I knew that I loved Edward, that much had been clear, but to actually feel the effects of it? Mind-blowing. Kissing his chest, I felt the steady heartbeat underneath, memorizing the feel and sound. I kissed other parts of his chest, wanting to taste and feel his skin with my tongue, Edward began to stir.

"Five more minutes," he mumbled as he pulled me even closer. I giggled, weaving my hands through his hair and tilting my head so I could kiss his jaw.

"You sure about that?" I said in what I hoped was a seductive purr. Edward didn't open his eyes but he smirked and hummed again in contentment.

"That depends," he murmured, his voice soft, like the finest velvet. Sex incarnated. "What are you going to do with those five minutes?"

"I can think of few things we could do with our time other than sleep." I touched lips with mine, our kiss starting light and lazy, as both of us still half asleep, but it soon became eager and intense. My lips were hot and molded with his, and when my tongue met his, I didn't give a damn about morning breath.

Rolling us over with his large hands splayed across my back, Edward pulled me across his body until I was on top. I felt him grow hard against me, and I moaned as I searched for friction, frustrated that we had layers of clothing in the way, my mind literally wanting to screw our agreement from last night. Literally.

But I had wanted to do this different. I wanted to take things slow and not get caught up in the sex part. I wanted things to be special with Edward.

"Ah, Bella," he moaned, still kissing my lips, however less feverishly.

"I know," I sighed, rolling off him and tucking myself into his side. He put his arms around me and pulled me closer, his fingers playing with the loose tendrils that had fallen over my shoulder.

I looked up at him and oh my, he was a sight to behold. His hair was all over the place, pieces of it stuck to his forehead with sweat. His face was red with exertion and he already had good amount of stubble on his face, but what I couldn't get past were his eyes. He was looking at me for the first time the entire morning, and they showed bliss, something I expected, something that was probably reflected in my own eyes. But what I didn't expect was the awe that was there, and it stirred something deep in my heart.

"So I think our friendship is effectively ruined," I mumbled into his side. He laughed.

"Silly Bella." I quirked my eyebrow up at him, but he surprised me by kissing me softly. "I think you and I both know we were always more than just friends. Even in the beginning," he mumbled into my mouth.

I couldn't argue with that.

We stayed in my bed for a while, just being content with lazing in each other's arms. I couldn't remember the last time I felt this peaceful.

"Hey Edward," I mumbled, still tucked into his side.

"Mmm?" he sighed, snuggling into me. If I knew Edward like I thought I did, he was already almost asleep.

"Please don't get me wrong, I am _really _glad you're here. But how are you here, exactly?" The events leading up to him being here were all muddled in my mind. I remembered leaving his apartment in a rush yesterday, but the rest was all a dark haze in my mind. I vaguely remembered getting into bed, but after that I only remember Edward lips on mine, and well, why I was currently in my state of undress.

Edward stiffened beside me. I moved from his side to look at him and his eyebrow was furrowed as well as frowning.

"You don't remember anything?" He looked pained and worried, and I mirrored his expression. It took me more than a second to realize what my question would sound like to him, and I felt like an idiot. It sounded as though I thought he had taken advantage of me and I didn't remember what we did.

"Oh shit, no Edward," I said before nuzzling his neck. "Of course I remember what happened last night. I mean, it's not often I cum from just nipple teasing." I blushed having vocalizing this statement, but it was my attempt to lighten the mood and make him feel better. He smiled a tiny bit but he still looked confused.

"What I meant was how are you in my apartment? It's like you came out of thin air or something." I hadn't totally ruled out any magical capability on his part. He always seemed to appear right when I needed him the most. He stopped my nightmares, and even came back time and time again when I pushed him away. Guilt washed over me for all things I had done to Edward when he had done nothing but care for me.

I was a horrible person.

"So you don't remember me coming in last night?" Edward asked. I shook my head.

"Everything is fuzzy up until you kissed me." Edward sighed and began to fiddle with my hair again, not looking at me, and his cheeks were tinged with red. He was embarrassed? Was he going to confess to being my creepy stalker or something? Because I already had one stage 5 clinger, I didn't need another one. Though something tells me I would be fine with Edward clinging to me all he wanted. _I need help. _

"After you left I got a little drunk. OK, very drunk. And I wanted to talk to you but you weren't picking up your phone so I looked up your address on the white pages...Oh god you think I'm some weird stalker now don't you?" He brought his hands up over his face, and yeah, no one had looked up my address in order to find me before, or at least that I know of, but I knew his intentions were good, so I didn't mind. Still, that didn't explain how he was in my apartment.

"Edward," I said softly, prying his hands off his face. "I don't think that." He didn't look very convinced and he still wouldn't look at me but at least his hands weren't covering his face anymore. I could at least read him now.

"Yeah well, you might change your mind about that." He grimaced.

"So you looked up my address..." I started, willing him to finish his story. He sighed.

"As you can tell I was making brilliant decisions last night, and I decided that I had to see you. It's hard to explain but I just knew I had to see you . I ran all the way to the subway and then ran from your stop to your apartment, which believe me was probably the most athletic moment of my life. It was when I finally got to your place that I realized that I was being completely ridiculous. I didn't even look to see what time it was when I left!" Edward huffed, and it in all honesty it was sort of cute. I was about to interrupt with that exact thought when Edward finally looked at me. His gaze was intense and probing. I wanted to look away because of the intensity, but it trapped me instead. His blue eyes blazed.

"But then you screamed." I felt myself blanch and I stopped breathing all together. _Oh God he heard me. _

"And it wasn't a 'you just saw a spider in your shower' scream. It was a scream of complete and utter terror." He closed his eyes in pain and brought his forehead to mine, touching my cheeks tenderly. I couldn't say a thing. I hated that he had heard me, and I was terrified about what I might have said. "Bella, I didn't know what to do. I thought someone was hurting you in there and I wasn't thinking straight and I panicked. And I...I broke down your door."

That was a complete surprise.

"You broke down my door?" I was sort of awestruck, trying to picture him, clumsy Edward breaking down my door. It wasn't that I didn't think he was strong, I had felt the muscles in his back and arms, it's just pretty hard to picture someone in your real life do something that you only see in movies and television shows. "How?" I asked, pulling back and staring at him wide eyed.

"I guess I had an adrenaline rush or something and it just seemed like the right thing to do at the time." Edward crinkled his eyebrows then frowned at me. "And you didn't have your deadbolt locked, which reminds me, promise me you'll never leave it unlocked again."

"But then how will you get in next time?" I joked and Edward frowned at first but then his expression brightened a little bit.

"You're not mad at me for breaking in?" I shook my head.

"Why would I be mad? I'll have to get the door fixed which is sort of an inconvenience, but I'm not mad about it."

"But I came into your house uninvited, invaded your privacy-"

"Edward." I interrupted putting two fingers in front of his lips to shush him. "You thought I was in trouble. You thought someone was attacking me and you did what you thought was right. You could have been saving my life if it were true. And besides, even though I wasn't being murdered in here, you did come when I needed you, even if I wasn't consciously aware of it at the time. So no, I'm not mad at you. Not even a little bit." I removed my fingers and kissed him softly. He was stiff at first but then his lips melted into mine.

We kissed for a long while, languid and slow. Edward was tracing my face when he pulled away from me. I saw in his eyes that he cared for me, cared deeply, and that should have scared me. That didn't, but what did scare me was the concern I saw there. I don't want pity and I don't want to be treated like a china doll. It was the reason I never told people about Phil, or about _her. _I didn't want to be that girl and it would kill me if Edward looked at me like a victim. I didn't want that label. Still, I wanted Edward to know me. At least a little bit. I could give him that. Couldn't I?

"Why do you scream like that in your sleep Bella? Is it..._him?"_ He growled.

"Let's just put it this way. Phil is not the only shitty thing that's happened in my life," I laughed bitterly. "Far from it." I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to see what his face had to say.

"Will you tell me someday?" He knew that these were not things easily answered, and for that I was thankful. The weird thing was I wanted him to know, but I couldn't find the courage to tell him. I nodded, letting him know that I would tell him the horror of my life someday, and Edward crushed me into a hug, sensing that I was ready to fall apart again. He didn't say anything, only holding me close to his body, while I tried to listen to his heartbeat and desperately tried to stop thinking about _that _day.

Edward held me in his arms for a long while, the sun growing brighter in my room the only sign that time was passing. Eventually however, both our bladders and his grumbling stomach forced us to move. I also had to get ready for work eventually, since I had to be there later that afternoon.

Edward wanted to clean himself up, so I showed him where my bathroom was and then flopped down on my bed again. I really didn't want to go back to work again. I was embarrassed and more than a little afraid to go back. What if it happened again? What if I took one look at the endless rows of bookshelves and I fell apart? Worse, what if Edward was there to witness it? He would have even more reason to treat me like a china doll, and he might actually realize how crazy I actually am. I had wanted that before, but now I couldn't bare to drive Edward away. If I was stronger I could. _If only..._

I heard the water turn on in my shower, and I was surprised at how _happy_ it made me to know Edward was using my shower right now. And it wasn't because of any sexual connotation ( though that was surely in another lust filled part of my mind), it was more that it felt right for him to be there. For him to be in my home and being here with me felt right, like he'd been here all my life and not a few short weeks. I smiled up at the ceiling, deciding not to care about work or anything else right now and just focus on the now.

I got up, threw a shirt on, and made my way to the kitchen to get started on some breakfast for us. I wasn't the greatest cook but I could do the basics and not burn things. Usually.

I decided on grilled cheese since it was safe and because of Rose's grocery drop off the other day, I was stocked with cheese and bread.

I had put the sandwiches together and was frying them when I finally glanced at my front door. It was closed, but it was hanging awkward and loose in the frame. I chuckled to myself, still not able to picture Edward doing that kind of damage in the slightest. Maybe I had underestimated him.

"Something funny?" Edward's voice was warm in my ear, his arms having a similar warmth as they wound around me from behind. His hair was wet and dripping on my shoulder, but I didn't care.

"It's nothing," I smiled, revelling in his closeness. He bowed his head and kissed my shoulder as I attempted to flip our sandwiches and I nearly burst from happiness. _Tell me why again I had ran from this? _

"Smells good."

"Mmm so do you. You smell like me." I giggled. He smelled like he was slathered up in strawberry jam.

_Note to self: Slather strawberry jam on Edward someday. _

"I hope you don't mind me using your stuff. And you didn't really have anything more 'manly', which I suppose I should be happy about..." God I loved it when he rambled. I turned around to face him and was ready to interrupt him when I finally noticed what he was wearing, which was only one of my fuzzy white towels, low around his hips.

_Let me die. _

I had seen him without his shirt on but that had nothing on the way he looked now. Edward was lanky yes, but he was strong, his chest broad and defined, and his arms well developed. While there was no washboard there, his stomach as still hard and flat. He was obviously no gym fanatic but he took care of himself. His clothing really didn't do him any justice.

I must have had my mouth agape because he gently pushed it closed, but not before laughing out loud.

"See something you like, Swan?" he said, repeating my words from the night before.

"How are you possible?"

Edward barked a laugh. "What?"

"You're like, perfect." _Well that sounded very valley girl of me._

Edward looked at me incredulously. "I'm hardly perfect Bella," he scoffed. Maybe he wasn't, but he was perfect to me.

"You're perfect where it counts." I kissed him lightly above where his heart was and turned my attention back to the grilled cheese, though that was semi difficult with a half naked man behind me.

Edward whispered into my neck before kissing it lightly. I couldn't make out what he said, but I felt a shiver run up my spine and I lifted my head, giving him more access. I hummed as he began to suck and nibble there, only having enough sense to throw the frying pan off the burner before I turned around and attacked him with my mouth. He wasn't expecting me and I felt him brace himself against my kitchen island, returning my kisses with equal fervor before chuckling softly.

"Remind me to do that more often." He smiled. _Always so smug. _

"If you do, I'll never get anything done."

"And that's a problem because?" He was smiling like a fool. I had never seen him so giddy. It was beautiful.

"You're ridiculous," I said before lifting my chin to kiss him again. Edward laughed.

"So I've been told." He smiled before kissing me once again. I sank into him, wishing I could spend my entire life just doing this.

Several things seemed to happen at once then.

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN, YOU BETTER HAVE NOT DIED IN THERE! I'M NOT CLEANING YOU UP! AND WHAT THE HEL-" Edward had just been in the middle of grabbing my ass while we were making out in my kitchen, when Rose stormed into my apartment, not even knocking before she came in. Edward and I froze, glancing Rose's way and seeing her gaping at us. I let go of Edward and he shifted beside me awkwardly. When I turned to face Rose, my face of course beet red, her surprise had turned into a knowing smirk.

"Hey Rose," I said, trying to break the silence. "What's up?" My god this was going to be as awkward as I thought was. She raised her eyebrows and looked at Edward, then me.

"Oh I think many things are up right now." Rose smirked and I heard Edward choke before he inched his way behind me, feeling exactly what was up. The heat rose in my cheeks.

"Rosalie!" I couldn't believe she would say something like that in front of Edward. She ignored me.

"Nice to see you again Edward," she said like she hadn't just made her previous comment, like they were old friends. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Rosalie." I could tell he was pretty embarrassed. Hell, I was. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to get changed." His voice was stiff but he squeezed my shoulder lightly before he turned and went back into my room. I resisted the urge to watch his towel sheathed ass leave.

After I heard my bedroom door close, I sighed and went to make coffee, waiting for the onslaught of questions and comments that would be coming my way. It was giving myself something to keep my hands busy.

"So?" Rose started, drawing out the 'o'.

"So what?"

"So is this," she glanced towards my bedroom door briefly before looking at me, " the reason I haven't heard from you in the last two days?"

"Sort of, but not how you think." Knowing Rose she probably thought we were having a sex romp for the last 48 hours.

"Oh really? So Edward was just checking for cavities with his tongue a few minutes ago? Bella, I'm not stupid."

I sighed. "_That_," I said lowly, not wanting Edward to hear, "is sorta a recent development."

"Have you guys had sex?" Rose asked unabashedly and way too loud.

"Rose!"

"What? Inquiring minds want to know. Besides I wouldn't blame you, he is a fine specimen." She spoke quieter this time but it was still equally embarrassing.

"Specimen? No, I – we haven't." Her eyes were wide and she was genuinely surprised. Was I really that predictable?

"That still doesn't really explain why he was in your kitchen practically naked."

I sighed. " It's a long story."

"One that you'll tell me?" I wanted to keep everything to myself about Edward and me, but I knew she would never stop until I told her. I just didn't want to do it when the person in question was within hearing distance.

"I will but not today." I looked pointedly at my door. She took the hint.

"Friday then?" Her eyes were bright, like a kid in a candy store. Oh I had forgotten, we were going out that night. I had even more to look forward to on Friday now.

"Fine. Friday." She smiled and then ran and gave me squeeze. Again forgetting my no touch rule in her exuberance. I still stiffened a bit, but to my surprise, I didn't really mind it.

"Oops, sorry about that Bella. You just don't know how glad it makes me that you are finally looking happy for once!"

"Thanks, I guess?"

"I'll leave you two alone but I will see you on Friday. You can come get ready at my place." She smiled before heading for the broken door. "Bye Bella." I waved in return.

"Goodbye Rosalie. " Edward's voice came from behind me and I jumped, not even hearing him come in the room. I heard him chuckle at my reaction and Rose smiled knowingly in response. She waved to both of us and then quickly left us alone. I turned to him now, and while he had put his jeans back on, he was still not wearing shirt. I smacked him hard on the chest.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?" he said, rubbing the place on his chest that was now tuning a bright shade of red.

"For sneaking up behind me like that!"

"I surprised you?" he asked, his eyebrows raising. I rolled my eyes.

"So it seems that the student has become the master." He smiled broadly, and I rolled my eyes again, turning back to retrieve our sandwiches and put them onto plates.

"Easy there Yoda," I responded, handing him his plate before sitting down at the counter with mine. "I made coffee by the way."

"Mmm, I knew there was a reason I liked you."

"Keep going with that Cullen and I'll never let you near my sweet ass again." Edward laughed at me, grabbing us two mugs of coffee. "I'm serious." I told him, but my smile was giving me away. I was having too much fun with our banter.

He handed me my mug. "I'm sure you are," he said, giving me that perfect half smile, and sat down beside me. I was thoroughly dazzled. Again.

I blushed and sipped my coffee, very aware of our proximity to each other. Feeling the electricity flowing between us even when we weren't even touching. I was still in such a daze that I blurted the first thing that popped into my mind.

"You told me you're not athletic."

"I'm not." He sounded perplexed at my question.

"Then how is it possible you look like a Greek god?" _A Greek god? That wasn't cheesy at all Bella. _

"Excuse me?" Edward's laugh barked loud and I want to crawl into a hole and die. "I look like a _what?_"

"Nothing. You look like nothing." I put my head on the counter, not wanting to show my beet red face to him. Edward still laughed but he tried to pat my head in comfort.

"I think that's probably the weirdest compliment I have ever gotten." I turned my head and raised one of my eyebrows at him.

"Despite my flowery language just now, you have to know you look hot Edward. With or without your clothes on." Edward looked bashful, like he wanted to tell me I was wrong but he honestly couldn't. _Aha!_

"Good genes I guess." He shrugged, looking away from me, instead focusing his attention on his sandwich. "And I'm don't play sports since lord knows that would be one embarrassment after another, but usually during the semester I lift weights with the guys sometimes."

"Well whatever it is, it works well for you." Edward turned back to me and smiled lightly.

"Why the line of questioning? Enjoying the view, Swan?" He said, arching his eyebrow suggestively.

"I called you a Greek god didn't I? Though I didn't think you were the walking around without a shirt on type of guy, especially around company."

"I'm not." He laughed. "But unless you wanted me to throw on one of your tank tops or ask you to strip in front of Rosalie, this was my only option."

I looked at him, confused and trying to push the mental image of Edward in one of my tank tops out of my head, when he looked pointedly down at my shirt. I followed his eyes, belatedly realizing I had thrown on his shirt in my love drunk state this morning. _How had I not realized that? _

"Oh." I started to pull it off but Edward stilled my hand.

"Jesus Bella. If you do that I know we will both be very distracted. Then we'll never get to work." He let go of me and went back to his sandwich, but I could see his eyes where they crinkled in a smile.

"You're working with me today?" Now that Edward wasn't being trained, our schedules were no longer guaranteed to meet up. I had been able to survive the Edwardless shifts before, but after all that happened, and especially now that I had my infamous breakdown, I didn't know if going back without him there would be easy. I think I could do it, but I would be miserable for sure.

He looked at me like I should know that of course he would be, and I could feel myself beaming from the inside. Maybe going back to Books and Things wouldn't be so bad.

We talked lightly through the rest of breakfast, keeping the subject matter light and banter playful. We both knew that we had things that we needed to talk about. I could see the questions in Edward's eyes, the ones that he was burning to ask but was either afraid or too wary of my reaction to ask.

After we finished, I changed and gave Edward back his shirt, and though he could have left after I gave it back to him, he lingered around apartment, asking about the little personal touches I had in my apartment. He approved of my large book and CD collection, commenting that he would have to get me a record player and some vinyl soon, but disapproved of my lack of a movie collection. He asked if I played any instruments, and I told him no but I wish I did. Like his lack of athletic skill, I lacked any musical ability.

He was reading the spines of yet another pile books which were squished into my small bookcase when he surprised me with a much harder question than my favorite band.

"Why did you run away yesterday?" He was still looking at the books but I could hear the hurt in his voice, even though he tried to conceal it. Edward was probably a better liar than I was, but he wore his emotions on his sleeve.

"Edward I-" I didn't know how to answer his question. I didn't want to but I did at the same time.

"Bella please,"he said, coming up to me and taking my hands. "Tell me." His face was soft and I could see only care in his eyes, but it was still hard for me to admit to my weakness. To admit to hurting him only because I was afraid. But I was going to answer him, I had to. For him and for me.

"I like you. A lot. Maybe too much. And I was afraid that if I let you in and let myself care about you so much, that I wouldn't survive if I ever lost you." I sniffled, willing myself not cry once again. I was going to be strong.

"But much worse I was afraid of you caring for me. Getting close to me. Because if you did, I would hurt you someday. I wouldn't ever be able to forgive myself if I did that. You are too precious to me to ever do that to you." I said, putting my hand on his heart, using the other pull my hair away from my face. Something I did when I was stressed.

"Why do you think that?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Because that's what the people in my family do to the ones they care about the most. They hurt them." My voice was laced with anger and sadness and it shook.

"Bella," he said, placing his hand over the one I had over his heart, and put his fingers under my chin so he could lift it and look at my face. "The only thing that could hurt me would be to lose you. And you have to know I would _never_ hurt you like that. " His eyes were so vibrant and sincere, and I couldn't help from my heart both surging and feeling a lash of pain at the same time.

"That's why I guess I changed my mind after crying for the better the day. After I found out that you were here last night, and everything I felt then, I knew I didn't want to be afraid of us anymore. I didn't want to be afraid of the unknowns and just be happy for once in my life."

He held my face and kissed me softly, bringing his forehead to mine.

"I'm glad you changed your mind."

Edward left soon after that, both of us having to get ready for work later. He wanted to come back and walk me to work, but I told him it would be pointless for him to go all the way back to my place and then turn around and go to work, so I told him we could just meet up in front of the store before our shift started. He kissed me lightly before he left, telling me he'd see me soon, and I watched him walk down my hall to the stairs before closing my slightly unhinged door.

I was already feeling the loss from his absence, but tried to tell myself I would see him in a few hours and that I was being ridiculous.

Despite the fact that I was missing Edward, I couldn't deny how light and airy I felt. I was practically skipping to my shower. I washed slowly, carefully shaving my legs and even using a fancy conditioner that Rose had gotten me last Christmas that I never used, not being into that intense beauty stuff. I took time in blow drying my hair, letting it drape over my shoulders.

However I actually needed to use less make up than usual. My dark circles were still there but less prominent. My eyes were bright and my cheeks flushed with color. I looked alive. I smiled and dabbed some lip gloss on. The girl looking back at me in the mirror looked a little less broken and a little less hopeless. There was hope in her eyes, something that hadn't been there for a long time.

All that extra time I spent in the bathroom getting ready actually made me behind schedule for once, and I had to rush to get changed, not even having enough time to make myself another coffee before I left. I didn't mind rushing though. The quicker I got to there, the quicker I would be with Edward. It felt very high school of me but I really didn't care. _Better late than never I guess. _

As I came to the corner where I would soon be in view of Books and Things, my heart began to race and my steps came quicker. When I got around it there were too many people to see the store easily so I ran, pushing my way through people, some grumbling when I did so, and finally I saw him. Looking more like a greek god in a Books and Things uniform than he had the right to, and bless him, he was holding two large coffee cups in his hand, a backpack over his shoulders.

Edward had been looking for me too, and when he spotted me a huge smile over took his face. I smiled in response. I wanted to tackle him, but we had agreed it was probably best we kept it cool when we were at work. It made sense but it was not very satisfying.

"Hey," I said, rather anticlimactic for what I was feeling at the moment.

"Hey," Edward said back, handing me my coffee. I sipped it and felt extremely content as I felt the warmth of the coffee spread through me. "You look beautiful," he murmured before sweeping a hand across my cheek, making me feel even more warm and tingly.

"I'm sure I do." I scoffed at his remark. Edward sighed.

"You ready to go in?" He looked worried, and frankly, I was a little bit too, but I knew I had to go in.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I smiled before squeezing his hand lightly and taking a deep breath.

It was going to be fine. Everything would be normal and cool. And even if it wasn't, Edward would be there if I needed it. But I won't need it because everything will be fine.

We walked through the store mostly in silence, keeping apart though I was aching to touch him. I dawdled in the break room, knowing that we would have to separate eventually, and played with the elastic on my wrist as Edward clocked in. He noticed my nervousness.

"Bella, it will be okay," he said softly, kissing my temple. "And if it's not, you know where to find me." He winked and made his way out the door.

I could do this. Phil wasn't here, wouldn't ever be here, and that asshole from last week had been kicked out of the store. There was no need to be afraid. I just needed to get my shit together and be strong.

I walked out onto the floor with my head held high and my shoulders squared, determined to act and be normal. Well, as normal as I was pre-embarrassing emotional breakdown from last week. Despite my bid for strength, my hands still shook the first time I had to help a customer, but soon, I began to get into the groove of things again and it to be around people at work got easier, even if the tremor in my hands still didn't fully stop. It was busy, and I was constantly busy, not even able to go see Edward, him being back in the romance section since I was back.

It was him in the end who came to see me. It was around dinner time and there weren't many customers around, so I was hanging out in the travel section, my old refuge. I was looking at the hundreds of books about a myriad of different places, places that had ruins and ancient cultures, art and history, and languages that I wished I could speak. I had been looking at guide books determined by geographical area, and I had gone through ones about Asia, Eastern Europe and Russia, so I decided to turn my attention to western Europe, picking out a guide for Paris, France. Paris was so mythical to me, and like for many, held a certain romanticism to it. I started planning out a trip that I could never afford, picking out four star hotels and fine restaurants, making lists of what I wanted to see and do if I went there, even if it was a long shot that I could actually ever afford these places.

"I think Paris is a little overrated." I jumped, not hearing Edward come up behind me, again. I turned to face him, and his proximity caught me off guard, the heat radiating between us immense. "Yes! Two for two! I told you I was becoming the ninja master. Maybe now you could tell me that hiding place you have around here." His blue eyes danced with amusement.

"Not a chance, Cullen. That secret dies with me." There was no secret place of course, but I liked playing with him a little bit.

"Hmm," he murmured before putting his arms up on the bookshelves behind me and leaned into me gently, trapping me between his body and the bookcase. It was a very intimate position and very inappropriate for work, but I had a hard time remembering how to breath let alone remembering to care about getting caught.

It's funny, I had been with other guys before, but I had never felt with any of them what I felt with Edward. I had been with guys who had been a great lay, but never did they make my head all a tizzy just from looking at me. But maybe that's what it meant to be in love with someone. I didn't really know.

"Maybe I could persuade you to tell me," he said, his voice low and his face close to mine. I think my mouth came out with gibberish. Edward smiled. "What was that?" He laughed.

"I said, I'm not telling you," I sounded very convincing. "Why is Paris overrated?" I said, changing the subject. Edward leaned off me so we weren't as close, in a more proper position in public. He shrugged.

"I just remember it being really boring. Though I was nine at the time so I really wasn't keen on seeing art galleries and museums. I was more into playing video games in the hotel." I stared at him wide-eyed. I was surprised, and a little jealous. He must have seen it my face, because his face softened and he brought a hand to my face, tracing his fingers over my lips. I melted into a puddle of goo.

"Of course," he said softly, keeping his eyes intent on mine. "If I went now and had far different company than my family, I'm sure I would have a much better time." His voice was entrancing. Smooth and oh so sexy.

Wait. Was he sort of inviting me to go to Paris with him someday? Holy crap. _Don't get your hopes up Bella. _My brain warned me. I didn't doubt what Edward had said earlier today, but I still had this feeling at the back of my mind that we would crash and burn, no matter how happy we were now. With my life, it seemed inevitable.

We were staring at each other intently, and I thought he was going to kiss me, but just as he was going to lean in, a cough came from behind Edward. We both looked and there behind Edward, looking at us with a knowing eye and an arched eyebrow was Betty. We split apart, and I could feel my blush stinging my cheeks again.

"Edward, I need you to help the boys in the stock room with a new shipment, can you help them out?" Betty was shifted her gaze between the both of us with a narrowed eye.

"Um. Sure," he mumbled and then left me there with her, only giving me an apologetic smile before he turned out of my sight.

"It's nice to see you back, Bella." She smiled lightly, genuinely.

"It's good to be back."

"Are you...alright?" she asked tentatively. Great. Was she going to start to treat me like a breakable object now too?

"I'm fine," I said, a smile plastered on my face to convince her. "Really. What happened last week, it won't happen again." She eyed me warily, but she took it anyway.

"Okay. I just want you to know that we care about you here, and if you need anything..."

"I fine Betty. But thank you. I'll keep that in mind." She nodded and was about to turn but stopped herself half way.

"Oh, Bella?"

"Yes?"

"That Edward Cullen, he's a nice boy, don't you think?"

"He's er, very nice." I stammered, my face getting hot. Betty shook her head and smiled, and I thought I heard a 'good for you' before she turned and left me alone in the travel section.

The rest of the shift seemed to drag by, but finally it was time to go home. I clocked out quickly and went to go meet Edward outside the front doors to the store. Naturally, he was already there waiting for me. I skipped up to him. I wasn't sure what he was doing tonight, but I hoped very much that he would stay over again. After being at work all this time, I wanted him all to myself.

"Hey," he said, tucking a hair behind my ear. "Is it weird that I missed you?" It had only been a five hour shift, and we had seen each other once, but the times he wasn't there I had missed him too.

I shook my head. "Not at all."

"I don't think it bodes well for the days we don't work together then." He chuckled.

"Well I guess then we'll have to spend much more time outside of work then won't we?" I said coyly, grabbing his hand and playing with his fingers. They were so long and as beautiful as the rest of him. Well everything was beautiful about Edward but that was neither here nor there.

"Speaking of which. I was wondering if you would maybe like to stay over again tonight?" I was nervous. I wanted to see Edward of course, and I wanted to feel the comfort and stability that he provided me the night before, but I still feared the possibility of his rebuff.

Still, I knew the answer before the words were even out of his mouth.

"I'd love to."

**A/N: Yeah I cockblocked them again. Sorry 'bout that. But did you really think I would let them do it so easily? Also, would you guys be interested in an interview with Edward or Bella? Let me know in a review, and if you guys are interested, send me question suggestions and I'll post it on the blog!  
**

**Music Suggestion: _Set Yourself on Fire_ by the band Stars. Specifically _What I'm Trying to Say. _**


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